


What words cannot convey

by Divine_chaos



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Accidental Plot, Episode: s03e21 Before and After, Episode: s04e08 Year of Hell, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, It's about freaking time, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Original Character(s), Resolutions mentions, Resolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:11:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7699789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Divine_chaos/pseuds/Divine_chaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post endgame. A few months after returning to the Alpha quadrant, Chakotay decides he isn't waiting any longer, and makes his intentions clear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Conversations are overrated

**Author's Note:**

> Something to reconcile the end of voyager and give voice to the sex. I'm not entirely sure where this will end up but consider this my version of post series events to make sense of all that was never addressed except for perhaps the books. I'm not fully immersed in canon or the books, it's been awhile, but I've been watching reruns and this just formed - so apologies for mistakes. Take it as an AU if that makes more sense.

As the doors closed behind her, Kathryn sighed deeply. It had been a day from hell and she wanted nothing more than a long soak in the tub, a glass of wine and sleep. She threw the PADD she was holding on the desk and collapsed onto the couch willing her muscles to relax and the tension to subside.

She lay back against the cushions, mindlessly running her fingers through her hair, absently pulling out the pins that had held it in place. Her hairstyle, having been under a constant state of change that had matured as she had, was softer than it had been in previous years - she found that lately she had been more inclined to wear it down, having grown it back out since their return to the Alpha Quadrant. However, today had been a day that had required a more serious atmosphere, her classic bun that characterized her strong presence had been a necessity.

It had been a few months since Voyager had returned to the Alpha quadrant, and amidst the celebrations and accolades there was still much to be done. Her promotion to admiral had come quickly and though she was hesitant to throw herself back into the fray, it was made quite clear to her how much her skills would be needed. She had spent today much like she had the last couple months - in countless meetings and negotiations, bringing herself up to speed on the events over the last seven years.

The crew had been bursting with anticipation to complete debriefings and reconnect with loved ones and so Kathryn had not seen much of anyone as they went their separate ways. She received the occasional communique and invite for dinner from those that had remained near command, with the absence of one notable person.

She had not allowed herself to think much of him in the last few months. He would wander into her thoughts now and again. A joke he might find amusing...a work experience that she wished she could share with him... But the reality of their return and his budding romance with Seven had kept her from reaching out. Her pride, her loneliness, her sadness at losing him over those last few years in the Delta quadrant. Pick one. She no longer knew what had happened between them except that it had become distant, awkward and quiet.

She shook herself free of her reverie and dragged herself up and off to her bedroom, her clothes flung carelessly on the floor as she went. She would clean up later. Within minutes she sank into her deep tub, surrounded by luxurious bubbles and an intoxicating aroma of grapefruit and bergamot. She cradled a glass of Shiraz in her left hand, swirling the dark liquid, sipping slowly and willing her mind to slow down. She stretched her long legs out, savoring the feel of the bubbles against her skin and the water lapping around her, she had always prided herself on her legs, one of her best features. _Perhaps not as appealing as they had been years ago_ , she sighed.

As the day began to slip away and her body began to relax into the heat of the water, her door chimed. Kathryn's eyes flew open. "You've got to be kidding me...."

Setting her wine glass down and climbing out of the bath, she hastily wrapped herself in a robe, feeling the cool of the silk against the heat of her skin. Leaving a trail of water and bubbles, she moved into her front room, "Come!" Her frustration apparent in her tone.

As the door swished open, she found herself face to face with Chakotay, who's eyes lingered over her appearance, a hint of a smile on his face. She stood there wordlessly, dripping on the carpet and flushed from her bath, she managed a smile and nodded at the sofa. "Well well.... Of all the people to come knocking, you were not who I was expecting to see...have a seat" Her voice was soft, suddenly very aware of her state of undress. "Umm just give me a second..."

Chakotay stepped in, allowing the doors to close behind him. He reached out and secured it, not taking his eyes off of her. "I'm sorry Kathryn, I should have let you know I was around today and wanted to see you...I've clearly caught you at a bad time. Were you expecting someone else?"

There was a tension in his voice, that Kathryn couldn't quite identify. She paused and whipped around, feeling her anger rising in her throat. She steeled herself, preparing for his reaction to her words.

"Maybe I was Chakotay. Is it really that difficult to believe that I might have been expecting company?" She challenged. "Why would you believe you could just show up without notice? I mean, it's not like we talk regularly."

Chakotay's eyes darkened as his jealousy surged and just as quickly it was gone again. The fight left his eyes and he nodded. "Of course you're right." He hesitated, but only for a moment, and in three strides he was in front of her pulling her to him as he leaned back on the edge of a nearby chair. Her eyes widened at his speed and his audacity. His hands on her hips pulling her to within inches of him. She breathed him in, bringing back nostalgic memories. It was nice to know some things never changed.

"Chakotay...." Her voice trembled, unsure of his intentions.

"Kathryn." He spoke her name simply, the low seductive timbre of his voice that she hadn't heard in what felt like years. She brought her hands up instinctively to rest on his chest, shielding herself physically from his closeness. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded, I sincerely hope I'm not interrupting anything." His voice was light, he smiled disarmingly.

"No...you weren't. I've just had a long day, I wasn't expecting to see you I guess." She intoned, taking a deep breath, willing herself to stop shivering. His nearness was intoxicating, and she found it difficult to steady herself as he held her. _Why was he here_

He said nothing, looked deeply into her eyes and drew her into a tight consuming kiss. His powerful arms wrapped around her, caressing the silk, his hands moved purposefully down her back pressing his fingers into her hips as his lips locked with hers. She moved to push him away, drowning in the feel of him, struggling to activate her muscles to follow her brain's commands.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Why are you.. Seven?!... What are you thinking.... Seriously??!?" She gasped, breaking free, pushing back against him in her obvious failure to gain control of the situation.

He continued to kiss her through her fragmented sentences, smiling inwardly at her indignation. "Shhh, it's over. It's all over. I'm here now, and I'm not leaving till we finish what we started."

She moaned. _What the hell did that mean._ His hands continued their journey over her body as he untied her robe and cupped her ass, pressing her to him. The top of her robe fell from her shoulders resting at her elbows revealing her breasts, her nipples hard with arousal. He glanced down to admire her, taking in her beauty. He paused in awe at her, momentarily distracted at the reality of her before him.

"You can't just barge in here and start....this!" She exclaimed, "there needs to be a conversation - what do you mean it's over? What's over? For how long? And..."

He silenced her again, covering her mouth with his own, wrapping his tongue around hers and drawing the breath right out of her. She was so soft, and she responded to him, parting her lips as they tasted each other. His hands moved up, over her breasts and back down her back again. She could feel him stiffen against her, his arousal evident matched only by her own growing desires as she became overpowered by his deliberate actions. He reached up to unclip her damp hair that been gathered up on top of her head. Her long auburn tresses, now highlighted with glints of grey, fell down around her face. She had never looked so enticing. 

"No more talking..." He murmured, "conversation is overrated. You smell so good... "

He moved then pushing her backwards and into the bedroom. Her mind was screaming, _Do I want this to happen? Wait...what's happening...oh god._

She felt her legs hit the edge of the bed and she sank backwards as he pushed himself forward over her, the heat was building steadily between her legs, a thrill rippled over her skin. It was so fast. There was no time to think. And yet she didn't want to think, she knew without a doubt that she would only sabotage herself if she allowed her rationale to kick in, and for once she wanted to let go of that. Didn't she deserve that?

"Tell me to stop Kathryn"

The words hung in the air as he continued to touch her. His fingers trailing down her belly, caressing her gently. She opened her mouth and looked at him but nothing came out. He gently removed her robe from her, lifting her easily to free her of its confines. She lay back quietly, allowing her guard to come down, calming her racing mind as thoughts and consequences flashed before her.

He stared amusingly at her and slid two fingers into her confirming her bodies desire that she would not yet admit out loud. Sliding his fingers in and out of her, she shuddered at the rush, it had been a very long time. He felt the hot rush of fluid on his hand, warm and sticky as he worked her over.

"Tell me Kathryn, tell me to get the hell out and I'll walk away"

She looked at him, he was so controlled and intent. Her eyes betrayed her as he slid back into her once again, her breath catching as a wave of pleasure overcame her. She reached out to pull off his shirt in her efforts to bring his nakedness in balance with her own. She could feel his muscles flexing as she grasped at him, naughty images sweeping through her mind. He smiled and caught her hands, locking them together and pinned up above her head. She closed her eyes and opened herself up to the sensations. His scent was so familiar, a combination of earthiness and smoke, and her arousal could be felt all over as her skin prickled and sensitive. The smell of citrus from her bath surrounded them casting this steamy sexual aura, the feel of him against her skin was electric and new. _He is utterly steamy_. His hands held her firmly as she attempted to free herself while simultaneously embracing his command of her. They moved in tandem as she broke free and he wrestled her down again.

"Do you want me to stop?"

He continued to pump in and out of her, feeling her hips thrust against his hand as she willed him to let her come. "Look at me..." He whispered. As she moved faster against him, he slowed his movements, controlling her pace. She whimpered and she moved against him, grinding against his palm.

Kathryn's eyes fluttered open and met his gaze, pleading for release. The fear of the unknown, beating in her chest, began to subside as she saw the warmth in his eyes. She knew this was safe and then she realized he was going to tease her until she gave him what he wanted...what she wanted. He was forcing her hand. She swallowed hard. "No."

He kissed her then, feeling her rise to meet him. "Do you like my fingers inside you?" His voice was husky, dripping with sex. "Do you like what I do to you?"

Her answers came automatically and he drove back into her, pressing his fingers firmly against her, his thumb circling her clit. "Yes, I hate how you can do this to me..." She breathed, "I hate how much I want you. Even after all this time..." He grinned. "You don't mean that.." Her eyes narrowed as she made a face at him, "I thought conversation was overrated."

His teeth came down on her nipple, sucking and nibbling. His tongue was hard and insistent. She waited for him to move on, but he continued on, pleasure mixing with a growing pain at the constant attention. He locked on to her, closing his mouth around her, suckling with constant pressure. She struggled again to free herself, but he wouldn't let go, she groaned as the heat intensified.

"Chakotay!.. please"

He let up on her slightly and smiled against her skin. She flinched as the air hit her breast, aching from his release. He slide over to her other breast to give it equal attention. She was still pinned partially under him, one hand between her legs, the other holding her hands firmly. "Where would you rather my lips be?"

She was again speechless at this question...he bit down again, and she gasped. "Kiss me."

He laughed softly, "Where would you like me to kiss you?"

She flushed at his obvious implication. "Where ever you desire..."

He released her hands and slide down her body, kissing her softly as he went. "Where my dear? Where do you want my tongue?"

She groaned as he continued to slide his fingers into her, speeding up and kissing lightly all around her wetness. The pressure began to build as he skillfully manipulated his movements to keep her right on the edge. "Tell me Kathryn" he growled as he bit her inner thighs, she moved to guide him to her running her hands through that sexy dark hair. He fought her hands and asked again, "where shall I kiss you darling?"

She whimpered as she struggled to find the words. "Taste me Chakotay, please."

Flattening his tongue, he ran it up and over her and dove in mercilessly. She cried out, grabbing his shoulders as he lapped at her. Her mind swirled, delirious, as the throbbing heat took over. She writhed against him as he brought her to climax, and ground her hips against his tongue, his hands still moving actively within her, as he worked through her orgasm and continued forward unrelenting.

As quickly as she came the desire began to build again, an octave above as he refused to slow down, she grasped at him, begging for a moment to bring herself back under control. She pulling him upwards, grasping again at his clothes, desperate to get him naked. He stopped suddenly and leaned back looking down at her heaving body.

She shook and shuddered involuntarily as he came up for air, his eyes were clouded with his desire, his hardness pressing firmly against his clothing. He stood then and proceeded to strip himself naked, maintaining eye contact, keeping her focus. She stared at him, Hold it together. The  He had always looked good in uniform, the strength of him evident in his muscular form and square jawline, but the truth was far better in reality.

"Do you want me Kathryn?" He asked, his voice low, clearly aware of her studying him.

"Yes Chakotay" she spoke quickly, before she could overthink, "I want you....now."

"Tell me," he encouraged. Smiling at her lack of self consciousness.

He crawled up on top of her, his weight pressing down. Comforting in its warmth and confidence. "Fuck me" she whispered, all sense of propriety and embarrassment was gone, she no longer cared why he showed up, and what the circumstances were. She only wanted him, consequences be damned.

His cock was at full attention, sliding between her slickness, threatening to enter her. She groaned with anticipation. He moved slowly, working hard to conceal his own impatience, keeping eye contact. "You want me to fuck you?" His playfulness coming to the surface.

She groaned again as he teased her opening, his head sliding smoothly in and out of her. "God Chakotay, yes, please fuck me."

He paused, grinning slyly, "maybe we should talk about this first..." He kissed her passionately. She reached around him, grabbing his ass, writhing beneath his weight. "You're maddening. You show up here, and you just... And now..." She fumed.

He caught her mid sentence, sliding into her, and then he thrust against her, closing his eyes to the outside world, burying himself as far as she could take him. Her lips parted and she leaned into him, feeling his cock ripple inside her. Her hands were on his hips digging her nails into his flesh. _Oh. My. God._ He bit her gently on the shoulder as he felt her spurring him onward, eliciting cries from her. "Faster, Chakotay" she panted. He mumbled something into her shoulder and complied, riding her hard, his hips moving in short quick thrusts, circling her insides as he filled her with this delicious fullness. She could feel his strong hands gripping her thighs, massaging her ass.

There were no more words as they moved together as if they had done it a thousand times before. Their rhythm was like a timeless dance, the knowledge that came with years of knowing each other. Breath was hot and heavy on their skin, sweat glistening as pleasure overtook them.

 

  
Kathryn lay there quietly in Chakotay's arms, the events of the evening replaying themselves in her mind. _What the hell just happened._

She tried to rationalize what brought him to her tonight. This new take charge side of him was seriously hot - not vulgar, not crass, just white hot in its intensity. She always knew he was capable of taking her, though she never believed he would follow through. Chakotay had always respected their command structure as much as she needed him to adhere to it. This turn of events surprised her, yet she didn't fault him. They weren't on Voyager anymore.

She looked over at his beautiful form and sighed. Did it matter? _Of course it mattered. Where would they go from here? How permanent was this?_ She admonished herself. She reached out and ran her fingertips down his cheek. He opened his eyes and smiled at her.

"It's alright Kathryn. It's not the end of world. We just had sex...after seven years of fore play"

She smirked, "How do you always know what I'm thinking?"

"It's written all over your face. Let me put your heart at ease... There is nothing between Seven and me, I will be here indefinitely until we sort out how we will build our life together, and it will all work out." He spoke softly and with conviction, and she found she believed him completely.

Then she reached out and smacked him on the head.

"Owww. What the.. Kathryn!!" Catching her arm as she reached out again to whack him.

She sat up and glared at him, wincing as her muscles screamed at her, "How dare you leave me! And with Seven?! And then come back months later and just..."

He snorted. "You're not very articulate this evening. You clearly needed to release some tension."

She looked away. "You hurt me, you big ass." He sat up and reached for her. "Never again.... Ok maybe occasionally when we make up for all the lost sex, but in a good way, " he quipped, as he absently played gently with her nipples as he spoke, as if it was perfectly normal to play with ones breasts as he conversed with them.

She laughed again, "I'll be sore for a week," catching the glint in his eye as she peered over her arm at him. He looked at her innocently, "Hey! I asked if you wanted me to stop!! You asked me to keep going..."

She looked at him incredulously, "You weren't exactly playing fair!! You were already taking your pleasure, you just made me voice it!"

His mouth curled mischievously, "let's just say I know my captain well."

She giggled. "I'm not your captain anymore am I?"

He looked her right in the eye, "You will always be my captain."

She held his gaze as she processed his words, "I'm intrigued with this new confidence commander, will I be seeing more of it?" He grinned devilishly, "count on it, SEVEN years of fore play."

Then he became serious, "I've been an ass I know. You held me at bay and I got impatient and childish and ran away. I understood why, I knew your reasons and I didn't exactly disagree with you....maybe a bit, but I got it, you know? I should never have...." She turned to look at him squarely, placing a hand on his lips, "I didn't make it easy for you though, I played a part in that." He nodded, "Yes but that's no excuse to just leave, I should have fought for you at least, talked to you about it. Been honest with myself as well as you."

She sighed then, comforted by his words. "Talk hmmm..." He looked a bit sheepish, "Soooo maybe conversation isn't always overrated...but we will get to it all, in time - promise."

He pulled her into him, and she snuggled down as they drifted off to sleep. She was relieved that he had just ripped off the band aid of what would have been an awful first conversation. _Not exactly the way I thought our first encounter would go months after the fact,_ she thought wryly. Yet she glowed, it really couldn't have been much better. There would be more to work out, but later. He wasn't going to get off that easily.

 


	2. The day after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, a bit of shower fun, gratuitous sex and the beginning of a plot

  
She woke the next morning and groaned audibly as the impact of the previous night hit her full force. Her muscles screeched and protested as she moved to sit up, even those she didn't know she had. She glanced over and saw Chakotay sleeping soundly beside her and her heart leapt as memories came unbidden to the surface. _There's a man in my bed.... Chakotay is in my bed._ She lay back down and watched him, pondering what the day would hold for them. Her emotions were a jumble as she debated the possibilities.

He stirred and spoke, his eyes still closed, "I can feel you thinking Kathryn, stop it."

"Stop it?" She retorted. "It's your fault I'm thinking, so there."

He pulled her to him suddenly and chuckled. "I'll take that as a compliment." He reached up and ran his fingers through her long hair. "Love the length, so hot."

She batted his hand away playfully, "Don't try to distract me with your compliments mister. I have a day, and then we need to sit down for a chat!" She sat up again gingerly, and clambered out of bed towards the bathroom. A quick shower was all she had time for, she had meetings at 0900 hours and needed to look like she hadn't just had earth shattering sex with her former first officer.

The hot water did wonders for her aching muscles as she turned her back to the spray, beginning her usual routine of organizing her day mentally. The afternoon could be cancelled to give her some time to handle the sleeping naked man in her bed, but her morning conference was too important to put off. Recent first contact with a species who identified themselves as Candarians had revealed a very possible opportunity for the Federation or as some feared a very real threat. Very little had been divulged, but Kathryn's understanding was the Candarians were unique in their knowledge of temporal mechanics beyond simple technology. There was a belief they were physically connected with the space time continuum, and many in the admiralty were nervous about the implications. The Candarians had requested Kathryn specifically, and so her interest was peaked. She contemplated the reasons as she stood under the water, when she felt hands move across her sides and belly, moving up to fondle her breasts. She felt Chakotay press up against the back of her, and she leaned back into him, the Candarians forgotten.

She turned slowly, smiling at him. He looked nervous, but encouraged as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Good morning" he murmured, leaning in to kiss her, feathering kisses down her neck. "Mmhmm." She responded. He turned them both to place her back under the water and began to soap her down. His hands were slippery as he explored her, running gently over her breasts, massaging her nipples. He turned her again so her back was to him, massaging her back gently, working the tired muscles and sudsing her back. He dropped then to massage her ass, sliding his hand and washing her slit, moving up between her buttcheeks. She flushed as he washed her, self conscious and unsure of where to put her hands. His hands slid up over her waist, moving down between her curls, soaping around her clit, as he moved in purposeful circles.

Her sharp intake of breath excited him, as he slipped his fingers inside her, the other hand continuing to circle her clit. She turned suddenly, her eyes flashing at him as she reached down to stroke him, her other hand cupping his balls. He groaned and let her play with him for a few minutes until he was hard, she moved to return the favor, dropping to her knees. He caught her on the way down and pulled her back to her feet, shaking his head. "Let me look after you for the next little while," he said. She studied him quietly, and then explained, "I want to Chakotay, let me give you now what I couldn't all these years."

"There is nothing I would love more," he declared, grinning at her. "But I'm not done yet, you can take care of me later, besides, I don't want to make you late, and I feel I should provide you with some incredibly sexy memories so you don't get a chance to go to work and change your mind on me..."

She blushed, "I think we are kind of past that..." She said shyly, though perhaps not fully believing herself. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him. His fingers found their way to her, stimulating her, as she rocked against his hardness. He braced her against the wall and slid into her slowly, fucking her gently but firmly against the shower wall. She closed her eyes and inhaled and her muscles forgot they hurt as she slipped into the heat of the moment. The tenderness of it was all encompassing, unlike the night before it was slow and seductive as they consumed each other, coming slowly and steadily to climax.

He released her and she pecked him on the lips asking, "I really need to get going. Will you be here when I get back? I can take the afternoon off so we can catch up?" He nodded, "I have my own meetings to attend, so yes, I'll be back by 1300 I would think."

They got out of the shower, and Kathryn passed Chakotay a towel as she began to dry off. She raised her eyebrow at him, "Meetings of what nature?" He smiled, "I said I wasn't going anywhere, but I'm certainly not going to be a kept man, I have my own opportunities to explore."

She paused, combing out her hair, "You had meetings in place today? So you were sure then that I would agree to this? To you?"

"Well...maybe not exactly as it turned out," he responded, "but my plan was to stay and convince you that you couldn't live without me." He was looking down awkwardly now, a look of amusement on his face. "I'm pretty irresistible...." 

She gaped at him. "Unbelievable." She was shocked at his admission, but a warm fuzzy feeling grew in her chest at his thoughtfulness and his intent. This was real, he had planned this. Chakotay was now hunting around the bedroom for his clothes. She dressed quickly, allowing her hair to flow elegantly in graceful waves over her shoulders remembering his earlier comments.

"See you soon!" She called out as she headed out. As the doors swished open, she hesitated and turned to see him come out into the living area. "See you soon..." He promised, leaning against the edge of that fateful chair. She moved to him then, turning her face up to capture his lips in a sweet kiss, filled with potential. "Bye."

She smiled at him, that beautiful radiant smile, and stroking his cheek, she walked out of her quarters.

 

********

 

She took her place at the conference table, studying the admirals and ambassadors that were already seated. She knew a few of them both personally and by reputation. The presence of both Owen Paris and Alynna Nechayev gave her pause. It was a formidable ensemble, which led Kathryn to believe this wasn't going to be a routine mission briefing. 

Alynna leaned over, "You look like you've had a goodnight's rest." She remarked lightly. "What's put the spring into your step?"

Kathryn blushed furiously. "Oh you know...I guess a bath and no late night reading can do wonders!" Laughing a little, casting her eyes downward.

"Hmmmm, so nothing to do with Chakotay arriving at Command yesterday? I hear he has some time set aside to meet with the heads of Starfleet academy. You know he was offered a commission and a promotion that is still on hold? He asked for time to think things over, but if he's talking to the academy, it sounds like he wants to stay grounded on earth for awhile." She said, nonchalantly, a slight twinkle in her eye. "Did you know he was here?" She smiled innocently at Kathryn.

Kathryn laughed, "My goodness, you know more than I do, nothing gets past you does it?! Ok yes, he had been in touch - though more to just...catch up, I had no idea about the rest of it." 

Alynna looked at her knowingly. "Catch up hmmm," she smiled, conspiratorially. "I totally, totally, understand. I would catch up with him myself if he wasn't already very clearly yours." 

Kathryn dropped her face in her palms. "Oh my god Alynna, is it so obvious." 

"To everyone but you, yes. Even that sweet little Borg drone understood and released him. I'm not sure of the details, but Seven assured me that there were no tears, and Chakotay was quite relieved that he wasn't hurting her in the process. She's taken on that deep space assignment, as a consultant, you know? Apparently she prefers the lack of social niceties she must subject herself to." She spoke evenly, while smiling at the others as if they were just discussing routine Starfleet protocols. 

Kathryn sat quietly then, realizing she had learned more in the last five minutes than what had been shared over the last five months. "I was curious about Seven, I had only heard from her briefly, and more to ask my opinion about the new mining colony potential in Telron III, but I guess that's why she asked." She conceded. "I suppose I should have asked her to elaborate, I forget Seven wouldn't have thought to volunteer 'irrelevant information'" _That was almost four months ago._

Alynna smiled at her sympathetically, "I hope you get your answers," she said meaningfully. "There's fleet protocol, and then there's just plain stupidity. Don't mistake one for the other. There are ways to find balance which doesn't mean the end of your illustrious career."

Kathryn nodded her understanding. "Thank you Alynna. More than words can say...."

Everyone was present now, and Admiral Paris stood to begin. They turned their attention to him, as he brought the view screen up for his presentation.  "Hello all, I'm going to skip past the pleasantries and assume you will all get to know each other in time, as I'm sure you're all familiar with each other to some degree." He began without preamble. "We are here to discuss the implications of a treaty with the Candarians, who have expressed interest in creating an open line of communication with the Federation. The concerns that we have are that the Candarians until now have expressed no interest in the Federation deeming themselves superior, and many have raised questions as to 'why now'. They have also expressly requested Admiral Janeway to meet with them to cement this relationship." He continued. "The admiral has already agreed to take part in these discussions, but I would like to get some thoughts out on the table as to our dealings with them so far."

Ambassador Goht, a Bolian who sat across from Janeway spoke up. "My experience with the Candarians so far have suggested they are non violent. They are an interesting race, they appear highly civilized and are very knowledgable in temporal theory. One would almost argue it has a religious component to it."

Paris acknowledged with a nod. "Yes Goht, and that's my concern, exactly how knowledgeable? My sources claim they have physical control over temporal space." 

"Like the Q?" Janeway interrupted sharply. 

Silence fell over everyone at the table. 

"We aren't clear on that one admiral," Paris said reluctantly. "Let's get into what we do know so you can be prepared when you leave. Apparently the request for your presence has to do with your experience with the Krenim in the Delta quadrant. What can you tell us?"

Janeway furrowed her brow, "The Krenim... I vaguely remember passing by their space during our travels...but I can't imagine why that would make me an authority? We didn't even meet with them on any official capacity."

Paris looked perplexed, "hmm we can review your logs prior to your departure, until then, let's go over the last two interactions we've had with the Candarians."

 

  
********

 


	3. Study time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of serious talk, a bit of mush and more sex.

 

Kathryn half walked/half ran back to her place. She had been distracted throughout the brief, Alynna's words echoing through her mind. She had listened to the ambassadors talk about what she should expect and was only brought back to the present with some very interesting news that she wanted to get Chakotay's views on. 

_Chakotay_

Throughout Paris' presentation she had found her mind drifting to his naked body, the shocks and ripples to her system as he moved against her. She had needed to ask Paris to repeat himself more than once and that just wasn't acceptable. How could she possibly deal with the Candarians if the only thing on her mind was the sensation of being pounded senseless by this incredibly sexy man? She shook her head and ran her hands through her hair, it was very good...he was so forceful and manly and... _Stop it! Enough! It's not like you've never had good sex before!_

She entered her apartment, throwing yet another PADD onto her collection on her desk. She looked around for Chakotay but he hadn't returned yet. She went over to the replicator, "Coffee, hot" she requested. With her beverage, she padded over to the sofa and curled up in the corner. Pulling off her boots, she took a slow sip and sighed. Where was he?

Her door chimed, and Kathryn sat up a bit straighter, "Come in."

Chakotay entered, and she found herself releasing the breath she had been holding. Part of her had worried he might not come back. He walked over and kissed her lightly, as if he had always been there, and went to get himself some tea. "How was your morning?" He inquired.

"Interesting..." She responded, she proceeded to fill him in on the Candarians and their request for her presence including the link to the Krenim. "Can you remember the Krenim? What was the significance?" She wondered.

He sat down beside her, "I'm not sure, we only had that one conversation with the escort ship before deciding to go around their space." She nodded, "Mmhmm, what am I missing...oh I had something else I wanted to tell you!" She remembered.

The panel on the wall chirped. Kathryn rose to answer it, momentarily distracted. She tapped the comm and downloaded the data file she would need to review for tomorrow. She set it to upload to a PADD and returned to the couch.

"Sorry, studying.." She smiled apologetically.

"Kes" Chakotay glanced up at her. Kathryn stared at him, not following his train of thought. He continued, "Remember when she kept getting younger? Jumping through time from future to past?"

"The chroniton torpedo!" She acknowledged. "Kes mentioned something about it being in temporal flux."

Chakotay nodded, "and the species that attacked Voyager in that future timeline was the Krenim."

"So that's the connection...both the Krenim and the Candarians are tied to temporal theory in some way!" She realized, returning to sit beside him again. "The question is why and how that's important - I'll review the reports from that stardate."

He looked at her, she was deep in thought, lost in the dark liquid of her coffee in her hands. "Is there anything..."

"What happened with Seven?" She blurted out, interrupting him.

He cleared his throat, setting his mug on the table, choosing his words with care, "Shortly after debriefings ended, there was this emptiness. I saw you everyday Kathryn, and then you were gone. The whole crew really. Just like that. I withdrew as I tried to cope. Starfleet had their own ideas of what I should be doing but I just couldn't bring myself to start out fresh. Seven sensed the change in me, she can be so....logical. When she approached me to end things, I realized I had felt that way for ages. There was no love there to hold us together. How could there be? My heart was already taken." He said simply.

She sat there listening. "Just like that? You're sure?" Her voice cracked under the emotion she was feeling. "I can't be the one to take away what you want, to ground you here, or force you to give up anything!"

"You're not. You are what I want. I've lived long enough at arms length from you. It's you that is more likely to get restless." He admitted.

"It's not like that" She said exasperated. "Not like you think, I'm glad you showed up. I just don't want to be one of those women that gets lost once they get into a relationship! I don't want that for you either."

"I would never stand in the way of your happiness, I know what your work means to you. And if opportunity would arise for either of us, do you believe we wouldn't support each other?" He reasoned.

"You may grow tired of the things that 'arise', you wouldn't be the first...." She looked small and vulnerable in that minute, and he could see her fears and her concerns. "Kathryn...." She wouldn't look at him.

He brought his hand to her chin and raised her face to his. "I know who you are. That fire is what has kept me burning for you all these years. There is space to be ourselves and still be together."

She smiled, he made it seem so simple. There was still this sense of uncertainty, but she couldn't think of anything else to ask, so she set her empty mug on the table and moved to lay down in his lap. "Tell me something interesting..."

They sat there all afternoon catching up on each other's lives over the last five months. Laughing and joking and just being in each other's arms. It was like they had managed to erase the last few years and it was as it should be. They had an easy dinner, taking advantage of the latest gift of exotic spirits Kathryn had received since their return.

  
********

  
Kathryn was mulling over her latest set of data, familiarizing herself with what she could. She could hear Chakotay in the kitchen, cleaning up, and mused at the naturalness of it all. She forced herself back to the PADD in hand. She wanted to get through this quickly but her head was slightly foggy from the ale and she was having difficulty concentrating. She flipped through the images of Candarii, their home world, impressed at the beauty and majesty. He came out of the kitchen, watching her work. He marvelled at how little she had changed over the years, older perhaps, but much like a fine wine or a 40 year old whiskey, just better over time.

"What are you reading?" He asked, coming to sit beside her. "Just reviewing from the brief today, I was a bit distracted." She winked at him. "Oh! I've been meaning to tell you," her voice trailed off as Chakotay reached out, hooking his thumbs in her pants and sliding them off. She looks at him startled a bit. "I'll only be an hour or so." She offered.

He smiled wickedly, "Who said you needed to stop?" He pulled at the edges of her panties. She grabbed him as he started to pull them down. "Chakotay, I won't be long!" She insisted.

"Tell me again about the Candarians," he suggested. His hand slid into her panties, ripping them off roughly. She licked her lips, "they're very advanced technologically..."

Chakotay pulled her hips towards him, pushing her thighs apart to expose her to him. Her heart was racing, "Chakotay..." He leaned down to lick her, slowly and gently, "keep going," he murmured in her thighs. She squirmed as that familiar warmth rushed to her core. "They...have a strong understanding of temporal mechanics.... Treating..time like its...." She gasps as his tongue flicks over her clit. "Like you might view nature..." He sucks slowly on her, running his tongue back and forth with increasing pressure.

"I.. Umm... " she reached down to push him away. "I can't do this, I need to get through this for tomorrow." She protests.

He moved up to her lips and kissed her hard, and in a voice she barely recognized he growled in her ear, "You can continue to educate us on the Candarians while I make you come all over my face, or I will flip you over and spank you for insubordination - because in this space, you submit to me."

She stared at him. Tongue tied. _Why does that keep happening?!_ The idea of him taking her over his knee was both humiliating and erotic all at once, yet she didn't think she could bring herself to let that happen.

"Time..." She whispers, "it's like nature to you..." He smiled and headed back south to continue his handiwork. She struggled to focus on the words on the PADD. "Their planet is a day's travel at warp 6, we don't know much about the planet..." He slid his tongue into her entrance, tracing her opening with his tongue. She groaned, "but it's beautiful. Candarii is mostly....water..." Her voice was thick and lethargic.

"Fascinating." Chakotay encourages.

"They seem to know what's happening..." She arched up against him as he moved back to enclose her sensitive nub in the depths of the heat his mouth provided. "...Happening to others at, all times in space..."

"Oh god..." She cried out, as his tongue quickened and circled around her. The PADD before her went blurry as she gripped it. Chakotay slid two fingers up to surround her clit where his tongue was doing its magic, suckling and stimulating together. She went quiet as she raised her leg a bit to provide better access. His other hand came out of nowhere, striking the side of her ass with surprising force. She flinched in shock, glowering at him. The sting of his slap lighting up her nervous system.

"You know I hate.. temporal theory..." She shuddered as his fingers pushed into her. Chakotay looked thoughtful as he continued, watching her drift into it. "It's conceivable though." He allowed.

"There seems to... Seems to be... More ..." His hand picked up speed as he continued to assault her clit, fingering her with enthusiasm. He caught her eyes, "More?" he teased her.

"Almost like..." She took a breath in, struggling for air, "they can control where and when..." She pressed up against him, as she approached the edge of her release.

"What hasn't been established is... If they're observers or ...." She froze as he sucked firmly on her, "ohhh... have the ability to manipulate space time..."

Her last sentence tumbled out as she came hard against his mouth. She whimpered quietly as her body relaxed into it, like waves crashing against the shore. He brought her down slowly, extracting his fingers, and releasing his erect hard on from what were now very tight pants.

Kathryn dropped the PADD and pulled him back on the couch. He smiled serenely, "They sound fascinating, the only race we've met that have that ability are the..."

"Q" they both said simultaneously. She looks down at his hard on. _Hmmm, let's see if you can take it as well as you give it out._ She slid down between his legs, her eyes widening at the length of him. She wrapped her hands gently around his girth, stroking him slowly, her hands moving in opposite directions along his shaft. Chakotay grunted a bit as he swelled from her attentions.

"Q was different though," she said lightly, "we were his amusement. That's not the impression I get." He nodded blankly. She leaned forward and curled her tongue around his tip, allowing her saliva to lubricate the motions of her hands as they kneaded him.

"We have little to offer in the way of sharing technology, so how do they benefit from this alliance?" She asked, looking up at him as she lowered her hot mouth, sucking him into her wetness.

"Well maybe..." He grunted again, "it isn't about...benefit." He thrust his hips upward, feeling his cock hit the back of her throat. "If it's as you say..." She relaxed her throat muscles to accommodate him, using her tongue to massage the underside of his hardness as he throbbed in her mouth. "There's a respect there...mmmmm....a reverence...sharing that reverence" He managed to formulate the words as she sucked harder.

"Kathryn, I'm about to come in your mouth unless you stop what you're doing." His voice laced with desire and ale.

She bit him gently, "Mmmmm, I want to taste you" She murmured alluringly as her hands moved to twist around his base, squeezing his balls, her nails grazing his sack. He tangled his hands in her hair, giving him a gorgeous view of her mouth working him. He closed his eyes then and began to work himself in and out of her mouth. She let go of him, bracing herself on either side of his thighs, and matching her rhythm and tongue to his movements. He fucked her mouth, taking care not to go too deep but ensuring he filled every inch of her, his hands guiding her head while his hips strained upward to meet her. She steadied herself as he exploded in warm spurts, his head tilted backwards. She tried to keep up as it gushed down her throat, dripping down her chin as he finished.

She pulled herself up and straddled him, taking a sip of his ale resting on the side table, as he tickled the length of her back. "I'll admit, I'm intrigued. It's the most interesting assignment I've had since our return." She commented. He had this silly little grin on his face. "Chakotay? Earth to Chakotay..."

"That was amazing," He proclaimed. "Ohh..what I wouldn't give to be back on Voyager and I'm sitting on the bridge and you come in and do that!!"

She stared at him. "Men," shaking her head.

"What?!" He cried. "I mean... Like wow...Right?!"

She kissed him, stroking his face. "You're adorable." She ran her nails across the tops of his shoulders, drawing swirling circles and designs along his contours. He began to stiffen again under her. "Seriously...." She observed him in disbelief.

He realized what she was talking about, and shrugged, "Seven years Kathryn. Seven very long drawn out years."

She brought her palm to her face, "I'm never going to hear the end of that, am I?"

They spent the next while exploring each other's bodies, revelling in each other's ardor as tongues and hands explored everywhere. Her hair sweeping across his chest as she moved in deliberate circles, her hips undulating against his glistening physique. Her lithe figure was cast in shadows as the sun had faded long ago. The work was forgotten, the game had reached its end as they worked each other into a frenzy, begging for release.

"How have you managed to hide this alpha male side of you all this time?" She purred in his ear. He impaled her as she gyrated against him, throwing her head back. "I hid nothing Kathryn, I followed you out of choice, I have always been who I am." He grunted as he pumped into her tightness. She anchored herself, gripping his knees, arching her back as she rose and fell on him. "And when we are here, outside the confines of Starfleet, I will take great pleasure in having my way with you." He said firmly, gritting his teeth. She shifted her weight forward again. He held her as she began to orgasm, thrusting faster to join her as they rose up and over.

As their breathing slowed, she leaned back, "Chakotay... Thank you, for always choosing to follow me."

"That was never a difficult question." He smiled.

"Would you really have spanked me??" She asked, bursting into a fit of giggles.

He smirked, "I can't wait till you misbehave .... And you know you will" He looked down and spotted the forgotten PADD on the floor. "What is it that you keep needing to tell me?"

She looked startled for a moment, "Right! Admiral Paris received a message via sub space late this morning - the Candarians have requested your presence - you're coming with me."

  
*********

 


	4. Candarii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the Candarians.
> 
> This ended up being more about aliens then anything else, there's some eroticism here but more plot than anything. It got too long to just keep going.

They had arrived in the Hiero system a few hours ago, and were preparing to launch the shuttle that would take them to the planet surface. Interference from the surface prevented transport and obscured their scanners, so they were essentially going in blind. The Candarians had provided specifications to outfit the shuttle with the necessary modifications to withstand the trip.

The last day or so had been spent preparing Chakotay. He had been surprised by the invitation but pleasantly so. Starfleet had surmised that the request for him to join Janeway had something to do with Voyager's adventures, and everyone had agreed that this was worth pursuing.

"Take us out" Janeway commanded when they were cleared for flight. 

Chakotay eased the shuttle out of the hangar, "One quarter impulse....admiral." He winked at her. 

It had been delightful working with Chakotay again, like old times, except there was an easiness to their interactions that had not been present since the early days of the Delta quadrant. They had spent much of their time brushing up on anything in the Starfleet database that shed light on temporal science, and had found that the academia that did exist on the subject often contradicted itself. It was frustrating to say the least and one of Kathryn's least favorite topics. 

As the shuttle moved into the atmosphere, Chakotay plugged in the coordinates that had been provided and then leaned back in his chair, they would be heading in slowly as the same modifications made the craft slow to react and sluggish. "Coffee?" He suggested.

"Mmmhmm," answered Kathryn. "Calm my nerves a bit." 

He returned with steaming cups, handing her one as she crossed her legs beneath her. 

"We should be coming out of the clouds in a few minutes." He reported, noticing her thoughtfulness, he reached out and massaged her thigh. 

She caught his concerned expression and smiled demurely. "I'm alright Chakotay." 

"Did I hurt you last night?" He asked. She chuckled. "I was sore this morning," she admitted, "and I'm apologetic to whomever has the quarters beside ours, but I'll survive." 

"Did you see that poor ensign's face when you told her we only needed one set of quarters?" He remarked. She snorted, "oh my goodness, it was like she couldn't imagine having to report that to the captain." They laughed, as they continued to sip their coffee. 

As the clouds lifted, a glorious landscape of iridescent blues, greens and purples appeared as far as the eye could see. The sky reflected the light of the sun on the water like a prism casting its rays across the horizon, and Kathryn could see the two moons in orbit, larger than life before them. It was breathtaking. The ocean - if that's what you wanted to call it, reached far and wide, with a translucent quality that exposed what hid beneath. This expanse was dotted with shores of pure white land, and off in the distance the Candarii city sat magnificently against the vibrant colors of it's surroundings. It was an imposing city of towering shimmering buildings that far exceeded any images that Kathryn had come across. 

She grabbed Chakotay's arm and pointed. As the shuttle dropped in altitude, she could make out structures beneath the water, they were interconnected, creating a network far greater than the city on land. She checked her instruments, "I'm glad you used the auto sequencing to bring us in Chakotay, crash landing yet another shuttle would not be a good first impression." She teased gently, squeezing his shoulder. 

His eyes bore into her as she stared out the window, pretending not to notice his scrutiny. "There weren't that many!" He shot back. "Besides, it wasn't my fault, unknown phenomena and hostile enemies made me do it." His gaze washed over her in her clean crisp uniform, her hair partly clipped back yet still long and flowing in waves around her face. In the cabin, the light bathed over her serene countenance enhancing the glow of her skin. 

They were nearing the coordinates, and there was a group already on the platform waiting to greet them. 

She glanced over at Chakotay, "Ready?" She grinned, that familiar gleam in her eye. "Ladies first," he indicated, as they headed towards the hatch. He kissed her gently on the back of the neck. "Let's meet the Candarians."

  
************

 

As they stepped onto the platform, Chakotay was surprised at the warmth that greeted him. It was easily what resembled a warm summers day on Earth, warm enough to prevent goosebumps but not enough to make you sweat. There was a soft breeze in the air, and he found himself feeling very relaxed. Janeway beckoned with a slight nod of her head.

Two Candarians stepped forward as they walked across the divide to introduce themselves. They resembled humans, but Janeway noticed a shimmer to their skin as it sparkled in the light like crushed jewels. As the light danced across their features, she realized that these jewels or crystals formed subtle patterns on their bodies that reminded her of abstract art. The patterns were quite different from one individual to the next, some swirling like wind in the sand while others were sharper with definite angles and symmetry. The taller of the two representatives had long silver hair that brushed the back of her thighs, she presented her hands with her palms face up. 

"Greetings Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay. You may call me Dion, I am the archon of Candarii, and this," she gestured at the chiseled man beside her, "is Adria, the kairos. We will be your guides during your time here."

Janeway smiled, "Thank you Dion, we are both very excited at the opportunity to meet you and learn more about your planet and customs." 

"Your planet is beautiful," remarked Chakotay, "we were both in awe on the trip down. I apologize for our lateness, we were not prepared for the transporter issues and the interference we encountered. It took longer than we expected to prepare the shuttle."

"You arrived exactly on time," Adria said serenely. "You will learn more about the "interference" all in due course, we are excited to show you our world, and I will come to explain why we have now agreed to share it with the Federation and particularly with the two of you." He swept his arm towards the entrance. "For now, let me show you to your chambers."

As they walked through the spacious corridors, Janeway was impressed. The architecture was so clean and detailed, and the ambience was refreshing without being sterile. She felt like she was in a palace. As she followed Dion and Adria across the courtyard, many of the natives nodded in greeting at them, and she responded cordially in response. Everyone was dressed in beautiful rich colours, and the Starfleet uniforms were a stark comparison.  Chakotay's hand came to rest on the small of her back as they continued to stroll through the commons.

"Amazing," he said, under his breath. She nodded in reply. "It's like paradise and wisdom all wrapped into one." 

Chakotay's eyes danced, "Wisdom?"

"Can't you feel it??" She insisted, "It's in the air"

Their boots clicked on the marble floor as they continued down a long passage off the main atrium. They followed their companions onto a glowing pad, turning to see that they were ascending upwards above the hall. It was like floating on a cloud. They stepped out into an alcove, and Dion and Adria turned to address them.

"Here are your chambers," indicated Dion, "you will find a change of clothes if you so desire and some refreshments. When you are ready and refreshed, we will meet you back in the hall we just passed through." She smiled graciously.

"Thank you" said Chakotay. "When shall we convene again?"

"When you are ready," explained Adria. "We will know." And the two Candarians left them to settle in. 

Their chambers were luxurious; a large bed and lounge chairs were placed throughout decorated with vibrant throws and plush cushions. Long silks in light pastels were draped everywhere from ceiling to floor, and Kathryn felt very much like she was in a kings harem. 

She gasped, "oh my goodness Chakotay, look, there's a river in our room!" Chakotay turned to see what she was referring to, and smiled. "I can definitely think of a few ways to use that..."

She shot him a seductive look. There was indeed what appeared to be a river of some sort, it flowed gently in one side of the chamber, with a central pool and out the other. Kathryn could see the angled sitting areas inside and the rise of certain parts of the pool formed cascading mini waterfalls. 

Chakotay reached down and felt the water, "it's like a hot spring Kathryn. Leave it to the Candarians to provide you with a perpetual bathtub..."

"Sooo excited." She cried, clapping her hands together. 

They explored the rest of the room, beautiful garments lay on the beds in violets and royal blues, and the table was covered in exotic fruit and what looked like pastries. There was a decanter of swirling rainbow liquid and long stemmed glasses that looked particularly fascinating. She poured a couple glasses, peering around to see where Chakotay had taken off to. 

He had found his way out to the large terrace, silently taking in the vista before him. They appeared to be at the highest point in the city. Kathryn came up behind him, offering him a glass. The river continued out to the terrace with another small pool before it disappeared downwards into the rest of the building. 

She placed her glass on the railing and slid her arms around his center, snuggling into his shoulder. They stood there for what felt like eternity, just peacefully enjoying each other's presence. She reached up and captured his lips in a kiss as she stroked his neck, playing with his earlobes. Their tongues danced together in a comforting rhythm as his hands began to remove her uniform top.

"We should change and get back out there," his voice was dark and velvety. 

"Yes yes, we should," nodding in agreement as she unzipped his jacket and pushed it off his shoulders. 

He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him, as he took her back inside. She rained little kisses down his neck tracing the contours with her tongue. Placing her gently on the bed he picked up a tunic in sparkling blue. She sat back on her elbows watching him eye the exotic clothing.

"I like that one," she said, reaching for the silky dress beside it, "what do you think?" She asked, holding it up to her. 

"You'd look better without it, but I suppose that might give the wrong impression."  He pointed out, "the Candarians might think I'm willing to share you."

She laughed as she continued to free herself of her uniform. She stared at Chakotay as she pulled her tank over her head, a small smile gracing her lips. Kicking her boots off, she stood and seductively slipped out of her pants. Chakotay watched her intently, his lips parted slightly as his imagination took over. She eyed him flirtatiously as she unhooked her bra, allowing the straps to fall over her shoulders as she discarded it. His eyes followed her hands as she ran her fingers lightly over her breasts and down to her lacy panties. Playing with the edges, she raised an eyebrow as she turned her back to him and bending at the waist, slid them down her legs. He hummed appreciatively. 

"You are such a tease..." 

She stood up looking over her shoulder and shrugged. "I have no idea what you mean." She said coyly 

Slipping the sheer silky dress over her head she stood to examine herself in a nearby mirror. The soft material hugged her curves, showing off her naked back. He could see her silhouette through the fabric, and his skin prickled at the thought of the nakedness it concealed.

Chakotay sighed and began to change, the tunic was comfortable, it opened half way down the front, showcasing his strong chest. The soft pants were roomy and hid his arousal well. She sauntered over to him, and ran her hands down his chest, admiring his physique. She followed with her lips, rolling his nipple between her teeth, she reached down squeezing his cock. He groaned. "Kathryn, you're killing me."

Her eyes sparkled with delight, "Don't worry darling, I'm just priming you for later." 

He grinned and grabbed her shoulders, kissing her roughly. "I'm going to make you pay..." His mind lit up with ideas as he imagined her playing guest to the Candarians in that dress with nothing underneath. "...by the time I'm done you won't be able to walk."

She nodded in response to his challenge. "I'm wet already just thinking about it..." She groaned seductively into his ear, pressing herself against his length. "I want you to fuck me senseless...but later..." Her mouth curved as he closed his eyes, resisting the urge to rip her clothes off. 

"You're cruel" he muttered, as they got ready to go meet their hosts.

  
*********

  
They entered the concourse, glancing around for signs of their escorts. Dion raised her hand to signal them, nodding approvingly at their clothing.  

"I am so glad you decided to change, I believe you'll find it much less cumbersome than your uniforms."

"Indeed, they're lovely," agreed Janeway. 

Adria gestured at the platform behind him, "shall we take a short tour?" He said solemnly. 

They joined them and began to descend. It was dark, but only for a moment, emerging in another hall similar to the one above, only bathed in the same colors Janeway had seen upon arrival. They were underwater. 

It was darker and more sensual here, she felt Chakotay's hand cup her ass, sliding a finger gently between her cheeks. She batted his hand away, blushing. "Behave yourself!" She hissed. 

Adria and Dion showed them around the maze of corridors, explaining how the Candarians had built these crystal domes long ago when they realized the potential of the planet. They moved through various areas of the underground domes; market places, theatres, outdoor arenas, living quarters, and social spaces were intricately woven together, and they were both  astonished at the vastness that lay beneath the water. Janeway was taken with the children who continued to come up and offer her small gifts with shy smiles. She noticed that the children didn't have the same patterns on their skin, and the ones that did were very subtle. 

"There is more above us of course," said Adria, "but that is for another day." Janeway nodded. "It's all very impressive."

As they walked, Chakotay had taken her hand in his own, pulling her close as they observed the flurry of Candarians carrying on with their day to day. He would reach out from time to time and run his hand down her side. The touches came naturally as they continued to observe and learn. Adria and Dion exchanged subtle smiles over his protectiveness of her. The crowds began to thin out as they approached a large ornate doorway. Adria beckoned to them, waving his arm over a panel, and the door opened to reveal a natural cavern. 

They entered, and Chakotay whistled low in this throat. The cavern would have been pitch black except for the presence of millions of shards of light, emanating from what appeared to be crystals. They thrummed as if they had a heartbeat, Kathryn gripped Chakotay's arm in amazement. 

"This is the heart of who we are." stated Dion.

"Very simply put - The interference you experienced," explains Dion, "is the energy that is created by our circuitry underwater in combination with the planets natural core. We have learned to harness the power of water to run our city, and the energy we create works together with the natural force on Candarii to provide us with unique abilities that is amplified further by our physiology."

Janeway glanced at Chakotay. 

Adria saw the exchange, "it's harder to explain then to experience. No human has ever spent more than a few hours on Candarii, as we were not yet comfortable with revealing ourselves fully until now. All will become clearer tonight when the planet and the moons reach their apex. Tomorrow you will understand more, and then we will elucidate further." He promised.

They returned to the main atrium after a couple hours of sight seeing. Janeway noted the slow sunset with its rays of purple and blue erupting from the center.

"We are serving a banquet in your honour." declared Dion. "We would be pleased if you could join us." They gestured grandly to the great hall behind them.

Janeway had not noticed the knawing hunger in her belly till the mention of food, and she realized she was starving. Chakotay inclined his head, "we would be honoured to join you."

  
*******


	5. Dinner and Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A banquet with some plot teasers followed by a whole lot of sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was difficult to walk the line with believability during this chapter. Given my very real lack of knowledge on temporal anything, I just did my best in introducing something that sounded like it could be plausible. 
> 
> The sex may cross the line for some though I tried to keep it tasteful I wanted to push it a bit. You've been warned.

The great hall was lavishly decorated. Janeway observed the lack of tables and chairs normally present at a banquet. Instead, the hall was filled with beautiful luxurious chaise lounges. The Candarians were milling about, chatting amiably and mingling amongst themselves. 

Dion and Adria moved to a cozy alcove and made themselves comfortable on one of the lounges. "We are accustomed to a more social atmosphere Admiral, I hope you don't mind." said Dion, who signalled to nearby servers who swept forward presenting them with plates of food and that rainbow liquid they had tried upstairs. 

"Not at all Dion, I love the friendliness of it all, please, call me Kathryn." Janeway accepted a plate and settled on a nearby lounger. Chakotay followed suit, sitting closely behind her, examining his plate in interest. 

"This looks like chicken," whispered Chakotay, pointing at what appeared to be meat on his plate. Kathryn elbowed him and transferred it to her plate, giving him some of what resembled salad with fruit, or it could have been vegetables. Adria observed their interaction and signalled again to the server who brought over a bowl of something that smelled heavenly. 

"This will be more suited to your palette Chakotay." He reassured him. Chakotay nodded thankfully. 

They sampled the various delights on their plate. It was delicious, though Kathryn wasn't fond of the dish that looked and tasted like grass. She smiled inwardly remembering fond days in the mess hall avoiding Neelix's innovative food choices. 

As they ate, various Candarian dignitaries and representatives stopped to socialize with them. Kathryn found herself thoroughly enjoying the rainbow spirits, which seemed to have a different flavour with every sip, all pleasing. Everyone was gracious and eager to share their knowledge.

Kathryn leaned forward thoughtfully, trying to determine how best to broach the subject, "Dion, I hope you don't feel it too bold, but I'm curious as to why you requested us specifically." 

A mysterious smile touched Dion's lips, "I'm not sure you would understand why just yet, but I'll try to explain."

She settled herself into the lounger.

"Adria is our Kairos, he has been chosen to be the authority on our communion with what you would define as time," She began. 

Chakotay wrinkled his brow, "what we would define?"

"Yes, you see time as linear for the most part - a past, present, and future. Humans have only begun to grasp the true nature and dimension of it," she continued patiently, "we became aware of Voyager during your interaction with the Krenim, an event that occurred in what you would call a 'parallel universe'" 

"The Krenim during this timeline had advanced temporal technology that had disturbed events in that region for centuries. Your actions undid the damage that had been caused by their advances."

"But it wasn't a parallel universe..." Kathryn asked, trying to wrap her mind around it. 

Adria smiled calmly, "In the best way you know how to comprehend it, yes. It is the decision of our council to allow you to experience it, to remember, in gratitude for the role you played."

"Remember?" repeated Chakotay. "The timeline that isn't a parallel one but is to us?" 

Adria nodded, "yes, it's not multiple versions of yourself, but more you're in multiple places. All different 'universes' at one time, breathing like a single entity."

Chakotay looked miffed. "So they are parallel? Occurring at the same time? How does that explain encounters through temporal phenomena??" 

Adria nodded again encouragingly, "Disruptions in space time change what is corporeal and what is spiritual. Like I explained, parallel universe is your best description but they are all one and different at the same time." 

Kathryn nudged Chakotay, whispering quietly, "I thought I was the scientist and you were the spiritual one?" He smiled faintly, "clearly we are rubbing off on each other."

"It's all truly fascinating. How do we get to remember?" she asked.

"Tomorrow, once you've had a chance to experience the commune tonight, we will commence" promised Adria. 

"And what will that be exactly? How do we commune?" Kathryn shifted nervously.

"You don't need to do anything, just relax and try to focus on what you feel and each other," said Dion warmly, "you do not need to be afraid." She signalled to the servers who came and cleared their dinner plates, replacing them with dessert. 

Kathryn peered down and took a bite, it was like cake but chewy and tangy. There was some kind of sauce, she dipped her finger into it, tasting cautiously. "Wow" she murmured. It was indescribable; dark like coffee, rich like chocolate, but creamy and tart all at one time. 

Chakotay watched her as she devoured the treat before her, amused at her excitement when he subtly slid his portion to her when she had finished. 

Kathryn and Dion were deep in discussion about birthdays, as Candarians didn't have an equivalent. She was quite full but couldn't tear herself away from Chakotay's 'cake'. Dion was beautiful, her words were always thoughtful and gentle, she appeared to be younger than Kathryn, but then again, none of the Candarians looked old. She noticed as Dion leaned forward, that there were jewels embedded into her shoulder lining her collarbone; actually all the Candarians had various jewels, some had similarities, but they weren't all the same. She dipped her finger back in the yummy sauce and licked it off, sighing. She continued to chat easily with Dion when she noticed Chakotay watching her intensely. 

His lips were parted and his face was stormy. Her voice trailed off mid conversation as he stared intently watching her eat his dessert. She took another bite, savouring the flavour, her tongue moved sensually along the spoon. She licked her lips catching his eyes. She reached for another spoonful, offering it to him, as his eyes trailed over her shoulders and down her body. He leaned forward and deliberately wrapped his mouth around the spoon, cleaning it off in one sweep as he chewed slowly, running his tongue over his upper lip. "Mmmm" he whispered. 

Dion and Adria exchanged glances, taking note of the position of the sun, "I think it is time to retire," he suggested. "I will have more refreshments delivered to your chambers, and I invite you to spend tonight focusing on yourselves and each other." 

Chakotay coughed, "Oh I'm sure we can manage that Adria, thank you for your hospitality and your patience." He offered Kathryn his arm, and she nodded her thanks at their escorts, sliding her arm into his and they made their way back to their room.

  
*********

The moment they entered the chamber, Chakotay pressed her back against the door smothering her in a hot urgent kiss. His tongue sought out hers, entwining together as he hungrily pulled her to him. 

"That was the longest four hours ever," he groaned, when they finally separated to catch their breath. 

"But fascinating!" Implored Kathryn. "It's all so abstract that it's exhausting to try to comprehend it."

"Mmph" Chakotay kissed her again, more delicately as he rubbed her breasts in circles, her nipples hardening against the friction of the material. 

There was a knock at the door. Kathryn brought him to arms length as she turned to greet their guest. A young girl handed her a tray of food, which she passed to Chakotay, and another decanter of that lovely rainbow liquid. "What do you call this?" She questioned the girl, indicating the spirits in her hand. 

"Soma nectar" said the young one. "Enjoy."

Kathryn closed the door, placing the nectar on a nearby table. She looked around for Chakotay who seemed to have disappeared. _He must be outside_. As she neared the terrace, she could see his strong form standing in the fading light. He was completely naked, his muscles lit up beautifully under the light of the twin moons, the curve of his buttocks, his strong hands hanging near his sides. She paused to watch him, content with the view. 

He turned then, his square jaw twitched as he moved back to join her. His hands travelled up to lift the straps of her dress up and over her shoulders, allowing the garment to fall tumbling down to her feet. He picked her up, swinging her legs up over his arm, and carried her over to the water, walking in slowly to his waist and submerging them both in the swirls of the river. 

She turned herself to him and lightly ran her lips over his, before gliding down under the warmth of the water. She surfaced a few feet away, beckoning him to her as she floated along the current. She was surprised that she couldn't touch, as she treaded water while Chakotay eased his way over. They wrapped themselves around each, floating gently in silence. Kathryn reached up to play with his hair, running a finger along his eyebrow. 

The last light of day was fading fast now, and Kathryn noticed the fixtures on the walls surrounding the chamber had begun to glow. The water that surrounded them also began to luminesce as darkness fell. 

"Beautiful," breathed Kathryn, "maybe it's algae or something?"

Chakotay just smiled, wrapping his arms around her. And they lapsed again into the tranquility. Janeway began to feel light headed, _Maybe it's the heat_  

"Chakotay..." She murmured. "I feel..."

"Woozy? Tingly? This must be what Adria was referring to..."

Her skin hummed, like all her nerves were acutely aware of everything around her. It was arousing all on its own, and with Chakotay beside her, even more so. She moaned quietly, burying her head into Chakotay's shoulder. He reached up her back, exploring her skin, except this time it was different. She felt every molecule vibrate as his fingers moved over her. 

Their lips met now as the sensation grew stronger, slipping down beneath the water, oblivious to anything else besides the closeness of each other's bodies. She held to him fast as her tongue explored his mouth, slipping into the spaces, flicking the tip along the roof of his mouth. They were surrounded by the gentle movement of the river, the glow of the water light up behind her tightly closed eyelids. The weightlessness of the current flowing over them as their hands sought each other with desire. 

_Kathryn. Ohhh..._

Her eyes opened and met his steely gaze. His voice again in her head. _Kathryn ..._

She pushed upwards towards the surface, her lungs bursting for air. As they rose out of the water, Chakotay's hands came to her waist, supporting her body against his thigh.

"What was that?" 

He grinned, "I want to say telepathy but I'm sure I'm wrong. Let's not try to figure this out," he urged, "let's just see what happens."

She nodded her assent, and they came together again with a new sense of urgency. Relaxing against him, he guided her to the edge where he could establish a foothold. She could feel the space around her, expand and contracting, the force of his hands against her skin, the pressure of his lips. He steadied her against him as she anchored herself on the edge, clutching his shoulders. His hand was between them, moving in slow circles around her clit and she groaned in anticipation.

He angled her hips upwards and began to sink his cock into her, aroused and animalistic, his hand not stimulating her was wrapped tight around her ass. He began to move inside her, sliding in and out, driving her back into the pool's wall. She responded to his movements in equal measure, squeezing and releasing him as her muscles contracted from the pleasure. The feeling was euphoric and Kathryn knew that Chakotay was there as well. It was more than the nectar releasing their inhibitions, she could feel her own pleasure and his all at once, like they were one. 

His tongue was at her neck and then her breastbone,  enveloping her nipple, teasing and licking her flesh. He continued his pace inside her, pressing her knees up to give him full access. Her breathing was ragged as she felt her passions building; he rippled inside her, expanding to fill her as every cell made contact. Her body contracted, and Chakotay sensed the rise of adrenaline, speeding up, fucking her harder. 

Her mouth was on his again and in her fervour she bit him. The heat was unbearable as it coiled and burned inside her struggling to be let loose. She writhed against him, his hands in her hair, driving her down onto his shaft in time with his hips. His eyes met hers as she wordlessly pleaded him to satisfy her needs. She rolled her hips as best as could but he had her pinned nicely, working her in long languid thrusts. His hand came between them to thumb her clit. Her nails dug into his back as she crested the next wave of pleasure, the pool wall grinding on her back as he plunged into her again. 

Her eyes closed as they rocked against each other, images of their time together flashed before her; new earth, dinners in her cabin, cabins in the snow, the holodeck adventures. Her brow furrowed as other images also began to surface, unfamiliar ones, the voyager crew but nothing like what she remembered... His body slammed into hers, demanding her attention. The images came faster occasionally coming into focus; the boat they had planned to build on new earth, their bodies entangled together in unfamiliar quarters, first contact with species 8472. The images intermixed with less pleasant ones; Chakotay at his wedding to Seven, she was alone in her quarters reading, a battle against the Borg, hostile negotiations with the Cardassians. She shuddered as they swept through her, struggling to focus on Chakotay's body moving against her, back to a feeling of warmth and safety. The images shifted again; Chakotay's smiling face etched with the wrinkles of time, children laughing and climbing into their bed, her own wedding filled with familiar faces. 

Her eyes rolled back into her head as the orgasm hit her, wracking her body in spasms as the fire lit up her system, burning through her, overwhelming her senses. She cried out then, a deep guttural wail that echoed across the chambers as she rode the sensations that ripped through her. It was like nothing she had ever experienced, and the sexiest, most erotic encounter to date. Chakotay responded as her voice filled his ear, groaning in agreement, he came hard and fast, watching her beautiful face in her aroused and feral state. The water current seemed to slow as they came to, acknowledging the release of their emotions into the air.

"Water," she croaked, finding her voice. They made their way out of the river, and Chakotay went to fetch more nectar, "this is all we have I think, would you like me to ask?"

She collapsed onto the bed, not concerned with her wet state, shaking her head, "liquid is good, thanks Chakotay," taking the glass he offered her. They sat quietly, each lost in their own thoughts, he shifted to lay beside her, taking in her beautiful glistening body stretched out on the crisp white sheets. The layers of silks surrounding her, softly caressing her porcelain skin. She could still feel the aura that had come upon them as the sun had set, it was fainter but incredibly present as her body vibrated in response.

Kathryn noticed him studying her, "what is it?"

"You're beautiful, I can't get enough of you, especially here. I just can't..." He murmured. 

He placed his glass on the table, taking hers as well and flipped her suddenly beneath him as he hovered over her on hands and knees. Her wet hair was drying slowly but strewn everywhere, the sheets damp from their romp in the river. She smiled shyly at the determination set on his face, "Round 2?" Her eyebrow raising in challenge.

"I still need to punish you for torturing me this afternoon." He agreed. Sitting up to admire her, running his large hands down the front of her. He looked around, and an idea came to him, as his face formed a devilish grin. She waited expectantly, as he took her hands in his own bringing them above her head. "We should make good use of these silks..."

He began to secure her firmly, wrapping the silks attached to the bed around her wrists, knotting them comfortably. Kathryn hesitated as he worked, feeling the tension in her arms as he tied her down. "Chakotay..." Her eyes wary, "what exactly did you have in mind?" 

"Shhhhhh," he growled, pulling her body downward till the silks were taut and her limbs immovable. He continued to do the same with her ankles, spreading her legs wide, smelling her intoxicating musky arousal as she felt a rush to her groin at what he was about to do with her. She lay there spread before him feeling utterly exposed. _How do I get into these situations_ she marveled at herself, nervous of the prospects of being completely vulnerable, and thoroughly excited of the possibilities. 

He straddled her stomach, smoothing her hair, holding up a loose scarf. "Ready?" He asked gleefully. She took a deep breath and nodded. He leaned down to wrap it around her eyes. Her heart pounded as the world faded from view. 

In the darkness, she concentrated on her breathing as her body tingled and hummed in awareness. She lay there for what felt like forever, waiting for Chakotay to touch her. She pulled gently on her restraints, relishing the sensation of being bound, when his voice came out of nowhere, gravelly and seductive in her ear. "What shall I do to you Kathryn?"

She shivered at the thought. She could feel the hairs rising on her skin, anticipating his touch. His lips grasped her nipple then and she gasped as he sucked on her slowly. A hand was between her thighs, fingers coating themselves in her fluids, her labia puffy with arousal. He circled her clit gently, covering her with the wetness that continued to leak from her, before dipping back into her wetness again in painfully shallow patterns. The electrical current between them began to build force and she arched her back in approval.

His tongue had found her clit now, burrowing between her lower lips, she bent her knees a bit at the friction trying to raise herself up while pulling at the silks that held her fast. His movements were slow and torturous as his lips feathered over her, barely stimulating her. He continued in this fashion for what seemed like forever until she finally snapped, "Chakotay please let me come."

She felt his mouth suck at the flesh between her thighs, his tongue working faster as he edged her closer to release, the silence filled the room as her desire grew steadily in the heat between her legs. And then he slowed again, making her whimper as he backed down to allow her body to cool. Over and over he drove her to the brink without letting her finish, long and lengthy strokes against her clit, his fingers massaging her thighs. She bucked upwards against him, begging for mercy, "please...please..."

The bed was soaked beneath her, a mix of saliva and fluid, her struggle against her bonds growing in her efforts to convince him. "I'll do anything, let me come, let me..." She groaned helplessly. 

"Anything?" He finally spoke, a hint of satisfaction at her words. 

"Yes anything, anything," she babbled, "please don't make me wait any longer..."

She felt the release of her legs as he untied her, his tongue was back between her legs, licking her ferociously, she was soaked and dripping wet, and she groaned at the renewed contact. Her legs were lifted up, exposing herself fully. His tongue plunging into her depths, and then lower to rim her asshole. She flinched as he licked her from ass to clit in one deliberate stroke, as she began to understand what she had just given him permission to do. 

He continued to repeat his actions, lubricating her, bringing her higher and higher, as she ignored her fear, distracted by her pleasure. Then he was gone for a moment as she felt him shift, and his cock slid into her easily, closing the space between them. Primal instinct took over as he drove in and out of her, his hips rubbing against her clit, driving in long deep strokes. She groaned audibly, luxuriating in the waves, her molecules vibrating stronger in that now familiar feeling of togetherness. He slid out of her now, and she could feel the tip of cock pressing against her ass, sliding gently in and out of her. She hesitated, wanting to protest, but not wanting to deny him, knowing that inevitably she wouldn't be able to.

He continued to gently work her asshole, spreading her legs wide, and then he would return to her wetness to distract her, lubricating himself. He inched further into her ass, and she was overcome by a very different sensation, an opening not meant to be entered, yet the feeling inexplicably erotic. Her fluids coated him as he moved back and forth between her openings, her groans and pants spurring him forward. Her body was alive and throbbing in the darkness as this foreign passion overtook her. She wrenched against her bonds, wanting desperately to push him away, yet her legs wrapped around him as he pumped in and out of her. 

"How does it feel Kathryn?" His voice in her ear as he fucked her relentlessly. "Do you want me to stop?" 

She whimpered as she fought with herself. "I don't know, I...you feel so good, but I...." He drove into her ass again, a delicious sense of fullness she could feel in her lower back. His hips rotated to rub against her clit and he began to speed up with deep quick thrusts. Pulling out, he slid back into her pussy, his member pulsating inside her as he rammed inside her. He moved to fill her ass again, her wetness easily guiding his entry. She sank her teeth into her lip, bracing herself against his advances as his weight came down on her. Her words were gone now as she let go and embraced it, coming hard against him, her lips reached upward searching for his. 

He complied and joined her in a deep passionate kiss, her body floated in the ecstasy, and he groaned into her mouth as his fluids mixed with hers. They're movements slowed, and she lay there blinking as the blindfold slipped off. He was smiling broadly at her. "You were amazing...I was sure you'd stop me." He reached up to release her hands. 

She signed as her arms tingled from the lack of circulation, flexing her hands, "I almost did..." She admitted. "I almost did..." 

Then she looked at him, his eyes widened at the honesty he saw there, "I never want to say 'no' to you again. I never want to be without you again. And I realized that nothing we do is dirty.. Ok a bit, but in a hot way," she joked, "but I trust that you know my limits, that you know me well enough to know what not to ask for."

He processed her words, studying her expression, "I will never ask you to go beyond your limits...I love you Kathryn."

Her face broke out in a radiant smile, "I was wondering when you'd say that. Forever?"

He scoffs, "oh my darling, far longer than forever..."

Her laugh is light and delightful, "I love you too!" She says quickly, stroking his cheek. 

They wrapped themselves around each other, reveling in this new found sense of awareness, until sleep stole over them. 


	6. The Temple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse of the temple and the beginnings of a journey to reclaim a past that they never knew they had.

They were up early in order to have some time together before facing the day. The sunrise was beautiful, the warmth of the day rose to greet them, as shafts of luminescent light cut through the darkness. The antics of the evening before were still alive in her mind, and she wanted to hold on to that peacefulness as long as she could. They chatted as they bathed about nothing in particular, washing away the fragrance of sex and sweat from their bodies, and preparing for what would hopefully be an enlightening day. 

New delicacies had been set out for them, an assortment of fruit and baked goods were beautifully displayed and there was warm food in stasis. Kathryn headed straight for the steaming carafe, hoping beyond hope that it might just be coffee. The dark brown liquid that emerged certainly smelled delicious, breathing it in, she took a sip.  Ok, not coffee, but it was an excellent substitute. Chakotay observed her picking over the food, "this is why you admirals love your diplomatic missions, they feed you like royalty."

"Mmmm. It is our duty to enjoy the hospitality and then write reports on it. Not that I miss alien species constantly attempting to kill me and my crew." She said dryly. 

New outfits had been left out for them while they slept. They were a beautiful set of matching robes, long and flowing, covered in flecks of gold shimmer overlay. A matching bikini was attached to Kathryn's robes and loose boxer style shorts for Chakotay. Kathryn raised her eyebrow at the revealing outfit and sighed. _The things I do for diplomacy_

She had been shy and apprehensive all morning as her memories drifted back to her declarations from the evening before. Had she gotten ahead of herself in her belief that they could make this work? Maybe it was that delicious nectar that had erased her fears so completely in that moment. It could surely never be that simple once they stepped out of this paradise and back to reality. She pushed her apprehensions to the back of her mind, there were other things to focus on today. She was determined to get some real answers from their hosts, her curiosity peaked from the previous nights conversations. 

Chakotay was finishing up in the river, toweling down his rugged sexy body, uninhibited in his nakedness. He came to her, kissing her gently, "you're doing it again," he remarked as he reached for the clean clothes she had set out on the bed. 

She caught his eye sharply as she tied the strings to her bikini tautly around her back, "Doing what?"

"You're questioning the universe once the light of day has appeared." He spoke casually as he tried to determine the front versus the back of his boxers. 

She lowered her eyes, "perhaps I am...perhaps I'm wondering if it's where we are, and the erotic nature of this planet that has swept us away. I know I spoke from the heart last night, it's the reality that is set against us that I worry about."

He paused for a moment and nodded his understanding. "There is no reality that we can't face Kathryn, if you'll allow yourself to embrace it." He kissed her gently on the forehead. "Let's get ready."

Kathryn slid into her bikini bottoms, critiquing her body in the mirror. "God, I haven't worn anything this skimpy in..." Her face pales at the thought. 

"You look divine." Chakotay holds out her robe for her to step into, tying the beautiful lacy material at the base of her back. 

"You kinda have to say that," she teased, doing the same for him, they stood side by side in front of the mirror. The v neck of her robe dropped deeply to her bosom, form fit around her waist with long slits down the sides, and the swan like sleeves gave a gorgeous sweeping look. Chakotay's robe had a more manly square cut, emphasizing his chest and his strong calfs.  _We do look beautiful together..._

As they moved to go downstairs, Chakotay pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply. Their eyes met as they parted, allowing the silence to communicate for them, and without a word, they left to meet their hosts. 

  
*******

 

Dion and Adria were waiting as always as they approached the fountain. Kathryn noticed the Candarians were dressed similarly to themselves with the exception of embroidery on the cuffs of their robes. 

"I trust you slept well," Dion bowed slightly, "we have decided that the rest of the city can be seen at a later time, we would very much like to show you the temple and satisfy your curiosities. I believe it will ease your angst."

Kathryn responded graciously, "Thank you Dion. Humans have a penchant for impatience I'm afraid. Perhaps it is this flaw that drives our desire for knowledge and education in order to better understand ourselves and others."

Adria acknowledged her remark with his own bow, "Indeed, and growth happens when one chooses to pursue knowledge for the sake of knowledge, which in time will help to develop patience."

Dion and Adria turned towards the courtyard, gesturing Kathryn and Chakotay to follow them.  As they stepped out into the light, Kathryn was taken with the white sandy shores. It was like walking on snow it was so bright. The indigenous plants reminded her a bit of tropical climates and she pondered what their seasonal weather was like. 

They stepped onto the platform, and she reached out to grasp Chakotay's arm as they began to drift across the water, startled at the height. He held her reassuringly, as they flew past various islands, heading far away from the central cluster towards a larger island standing alone in the distance. Chakotay indicated downwards, pointing at the underwater infrastructure as it became more elaborate as they neared their destination. 

She laughed out loud then. It was like they were flying, and the sheer joy of moving through the clouds lifted her spirits. The others joined her, infected by her enthusiasm. 

"We are here!" said Dion excitedly. 

As they entered the temple, Chakotay breathed in awe. It was magnificent, towering columns circled the structure, reaching upwards into the heavens. The ceiling was open, and light cast down illuminating the center. The temple surrounded a large pool, and pillars, intricately  carved, surrounded the water. Stonework on the ground spiralled outward and the structure hummed with a life force that Kathryn could feel emanating from every corner. 

There were other Candarians there to greet them, and they were ushered towards the back of the temple where there was a comfortable carpeted area. Kathryn and Chakotay eased down on some overstuffed cushions and the rest of the Candarians settled down in equal fashion. They were served refreshments and pleasantries exchanged as everyone made themselves comfortable.

"Tell me about your experience last night." Adria requested. 

Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged a look, "well... it was amazing...transcendent." said Kathryn nervously. "Like we were more aware of ourselves, of each other then ever before. I could see images, some that I felt were memories, and others..."

Chakotay nodded, following her lead, "yes, I felt like I was at times both inside and outside my body, and I could feel Kathryn so clearly. we were able to hear each other when we were under the water."

"What you experienced was something that we feel at all times. What you saw was your perspective of moments in time and what you heard was the bridging of thought due to that connection," began Adria, "as we suspected, you don't have the ability to control anything you see. This is due to our differences in physiology, something to do with our neural energy. In order to even allow you to experience last night, it required that you be present when our planet core was most active. If you take what you felt last night, and multiply that ten fold, perhaps even more, you'll have some idea of what we are capable of when we focus ourselves."

He paused for a moment to allow his words to sink in. 

Kathryn gazed at him thoughtfully, "I see," she said evenly. "So you do have the ability to change space time?"

Dion interrupted, "Yes we can, as a group we are capable of it, but we do not. We realized long ago the moral and ethical implications of doing so and it is strictly forbidden. The only influence we employ is here on the planet."

"And allowing us to remember our time with the Krenim?" Chakotay asked.

"...is a gift." replied Adria. "Be forewarned, it wasn't a pleasant year..."

"A year?!" exclaimed Kathryn. 

"Why are you gifting us a year of unpleasant memories?" Chakotay looked puzzled, trying not to sound ungrateful. 

Adria smiled at this, "well, approximately a year, a lot can happen. As to what you'll gain from the memories...you will only know by agreeing to experience it. Does an experience need to be good in order for it to be important?"

Kathryn was a bit stunned by this. There were memories in her past that greatly pained her, but the culmination of those experiences had made her who she was. She turned and searched Chakotay's face in an attempt to gauge his position.

"Will you agree to try this with us?" asked Dion. 

Chakotay reached out and squeezed her hand, nodding imperceptibly. Unspoken agreement echoed between them as she turned back to Adria and Dion. 

"If you would like to share this with us, we would be honoured to accept it," she affirmed. 

Dion smiled brightly, "Excellent!" 

"When do we begin?"

Adria stood, motioning to the others, "I will begin preparations, relax here for a moment, it will not be long," bowing slightly as he took his leave. 

Dion gazed after him as he walked away, "Adria fought hard to convince the council to allow this, he was very impressed with your efforts." She smiled, reaching for some nearby fruit, her other hand absently fingering the jewels on her collarbone.

"What is the symbolism behind those?" Kathryn asked, referring to the bright gems. 

"They are confirmations," explained Dion. "This one," she pointed at the purple stone, "was inset when I learned to control my temporal abilities. It's quite common. The red and white set was when I was appointed Archon. And the final two," her fingers caressed the iridescent gems, "were when I was promised and married." She blushed slightly. 

"You're married?" said Kathryn, she had never even thought to ask. "Have I met your husband?"

Dion laughed, "Adria is my mate." She beamed. "It was decided when we were chosen." She took a piece of fruit, offering the plate to Chakotay.

Chakotay arched an eyebrow, "an arranged marriage?" He asked, helping himself to a slice. 

"No...it was foreseen, these paths are deeply intertwined. We were chosen because we married, and married because we were chosen..." Her amusement was evident in their confusion. 

Kathryn grinned, "I believe I understand, you are a beautiful couple. How long have you been archon?" Chakotay nudged her, holding some fruit out to her between sentences. 

"Not too long," Dion said airily, "about a century or so. I have spent considerable time preparing to take my place."

Kathryn and Chakotay looked at each other, and then back at Dion. "Only a century?" Chakotay said casually. 

He poured some nectar into glasses, passing them around. 

"Yes, I am the youngest archon for at least a millennia, but the council felt I was ready, though I must say I am not always so confident."she nodded her thanks as she took her glass, sipping gently. 

Kathryn stared. "You look amazing..." She said, trying to keep her shock in check. "How long did you spend preparing?"

"Hmmm I would say about four hundred years. Give or take. I began very young. Adria and I were promised when I began my studies and we married when I took my place as archon."

Dion couldn't help but laugh, her voice sweet and musical. "You must understand that time is not the same here." She took a bite of fruit, catching the juices as they streamed down her chin. 

"I'm beginning to gather that..." murmured Kathryn. "So you're five hundred years old?"

"Mmmm, 586 years actually," Dion popped something grape like in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "I'm quite young, the elders on the council are much older. They no longer interact with many outside the temple."

Adria rounded the corner. "We are ready." He said graciously. 

Kathryn and Chakotay rose to their feet, taking each other's hand they turned to face Adria. 

  
**********

 

Adria guided them to the edge of the large pool in the center. Two Candarians stepped forward to help them remove their robes. 

Kathryn stood shivering slightly, self consciously wrapping her arms around her torso. 

"We will do this in stages," advises Adria, "the first rotation will be shorter as you acclimate. Then subsequent rotations can be longer if you feel confident. Be prepared, emotions are stronger in this state than what you would expect." 

Kathryn nodded apprehensively, "I understand."

The center of the pool had a reclining area submerged beneath the water. They waded out into the warm water, waist deep, Chakotay offered her a hand as she lay down in the chair, shifting slightly to make space for him. The height of the recliner placed their bodies fully beneath water, with only their heads above the surface. Kathryn leaned into Chakotay, placing her hand on his chest. He nuzzled her forehead gently, pulling her to him in a comforting embrace. 

They lay there comfortably, anxiously waiting to see what would happen next. 8 Candarians that they had never met emerged suddenly, and Kathryn ventured a guess that they were the elders Dion had spoken about. They each took a place at the pillars surrounding the pool, as attendants moved to make everyone comfortable. 

"Are we crazy?" She whispered to Chakotay. 

"No, we're adventurous." He amended. "When have we ever backed away from the unknown?"

She peered up at him, her eyes wrinkling at the edges, "Very true."

The elders placed their hands on the columns before them with Adria at the pedestal and a shimmering force field began to rise over the pool, surrounding them in a glowing bubble. Kathryn shielded her face from the glow, willing her body to relax as she held onto Chakotay. His strong hands held her, soothing her, as they leaned into one another. The familiar hum began to wash over them as the glow intensified and Kathryn became aware of Chakotay's presence growing in her thoughts. There were no words, but he was there in her mind, comforting and reassuring. Adria's voice floated from the shadows. 

_We are ready to begin now. Do not worry, we are with you as you are with each other._

 The glow intensified and then she felt she was floating. They were back on Voyager. It was the strangest feeling, as they watched themselves laugh and joke on the bridge. As she focused on herself, she was inside her body again - the words came tumbling out of her mouth, she had no control, but she could sense the ease and the contentment she felt in that moment. She noticed that she could as easily focus on Chakotay and feel the same. Like she was him for a moment, noting his strength and confidence as he talked and smiled with her. She paused, smiling at the warmth he felt towards her - the devotion. 

"I can feel you Chakotay! Your thoughts your feelings!" Her voice echoed in the space between them. 

He groaned, "Ok, let me just say for the record, you don't get to use any of this against me."

Their humor and affection emanated in their minds. "I can't promise anything... " 

Kathryn focused on the scene, trying to place when this was. Things blurred momentarily and then they were watching themselves enter the bridge, a ship was firing on them. 

"Uhhh what just happened?" She asked, a bit stunned at the change.

"I'm not sure, but likely the beginning of when our memories began to diverge from...our other memories..." he frowned at the strangeness of that statement. 

Kathryn watched everyone tenderly. It was so wonderful to see everyone again, and Voyager. The exchange between herself and the little Krenim man was comical, as she found herself reliving the sense of mirth she felt at his demands. 

"This is so surreal..."

Her counterpart responded to the Krenim's demands, "With all do respect, unless you've got something bigger in your torpedo tubes, I'm not turning around."

Chakotay's dry laugh filled her mind. She caught the expression on Chakotay's face, and saw vivid flashes of thought that ran through his mind. 

"Oh my," she teased, "how often did you drift into sexual fantasy on duty commander?"

Chakotay's bashfulness came through loud and clear. "Did you hear what you just said?! I mean, I was hard in an instant." He said defensively. "You emanated sex Kathryn, it was impossible not to imagine the possibilities" 

She smiled, pleased at her effect on him. Chakotay watched himself, "Can you feel my arousal?"

Her agreement, mixed with a bit of pride, confirmed his suspicions. 

"I love that you wanted me. I wanted you to want me..." She said lowly. 

The days continued, uneventfully. It got to be relaxing watching themselves, discerning each other's reactions. There were momentary blurs as they passed through moments. It was like living the day, but quickly, unless the focus from either of them slowed things down to what felt more like real time. Despite this, she realized she was retaining everything, right down to what she had for dinner. 

"I'm glad we don't have to watch ourselves sleep," joked Chakotay. "That would be very dry indeed. Though you are gorgeous when you sleep."

Suddenly they were meeting with the Zahl, and Kathryn paused to take in the conversation. As they returned to the bridge, she saw the Krenim ship had returned. She watched with alarm as things began to unravel,

"Captain, there's a spatial disturbance heading toward us," reported Harry. "Whatever it is its huge, 5 light years across and its expanding."

"Tracking its origin...a vessel near the Zahl home world." continued Tuvok. "It appears to be a massive build up of temporal energy, some kind of space time shockwave."

"Tom?" asked the other Janeway.

"It's destabilizing our warp field...I've lost engines." 

"Shields to full, secure primary systems, all hands brace for impact." She ordered. Kathryn felt a cold tightness in her stomach. 

Her mind reached out to Chakotay, as she saw the bridge flash in a blinding white light. She felt him comfort her as she tried to take in the scene before her. The bridge was in shambles, a crewman lay dead at her feet. The horror of it sent a wave of panic searing through her. She saw the giant Krenim ship filling the view screen as she began to piece together the significance of what they were about to live through. 

Chakotay was somber as he listened to the conversation with the now arrogant Krenim commander, closing in on Kathryn's presence as he tried to calm her anxiety. No one seemed to be aware of the sudden change except for them.

Kathryn watched herself make that split decision to defy the Krenim with conflicted emotions, feeling her determination and indignation well up in her chest. She felt Chakotay wash over her like a cool cloth.

"Kathryn, you can't beat yourself up over the choices you made here. We've never surrendered." 

"I know... but it doesn't make it any easier to live with." her tone filled with doubt.

As the battle ensued, she could feel her uncertainty taking hold. There was more, the anger and despair were simmering and building like a pressure cooker, and she felt drained and tired as she escaped to her ready room. 

Her mind focused on Chakotay - she felt a similar sense of doom, and like always his thoughts were on her wellbeing as he worked with the bridge crew to contain the damage. Even with the disaster, she felt his distraction, and was comforted by his concern.

She brought herself back to her own thoughts, as she scanned the destruction. It was too much, and she fought to close herself off to it.

As it threatened to overwhelm her....

 

********

 

She bolted upwards, gasping for air. Adria was in the water beside her holding her steady, as she brought herself back to reality. Chakotay was also disoriented, his arm around her waist as something tangible to focus on. Her breathing calmed as her eyes came back into focus. She shivered in the warm water as her nerves crackled. She took Adria's hand as he helped her from the water, stabilizing her till they got to the waters edge. Dion was there to wrap her in a soft warm blanket that wicked the water away from her chilled body.   
   
Chakotay followed her closely, accepting a blanket from Dion, as they were ushered back to the cushions to rest. The elders had melted back into the shadows. Dion handed them each a glass of something red and smoky. 

"Drink," she said firmly, "this will restore you." 

They obeyed, drinking slowly, and Kathryn rested back against Chakotay, turning her head to kiss his chest. Her mind was busy processing the new memories she now had. 

Dion cocked her head at them, "I suspected you were promised," her approval evident. 

She sat forward, startled. "I'm sorry, I forgot myself for a moment."

"Don't be concerned Kathryn, it wasn't exactly a surprise. You are too well connected for it to be otherwise." She said, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

She relaxed backwards again, and Chakotay wrapped his arm around her, "Connected?" He queried.

"Yes, of course. The coupling you experienced? The sense of each other you described? That is an indication that you have an affinity for each other. We have no other human comparison but amongst the Candarians, only those who are destined can attain such a state." She explained. 

Kathryn laughed tiredly, "We are not... promised."

Chakotay squeezed her arm.  "Not yet," his eyes twinkled suggestively. 

"I will venture a guess it will not be long now." Dion said, enjoying their banter. 

"For now, you should go back to your chambers and rest. We will begin again after dinner."

  
*********

 

Back in their room, Kathryn stretched out on the bed, her mind sifting through everything. Chakotay had gone with Adria to report back to the ship as their communicators were useless, and she was enjoying being alone with her thoughts. 

She wasn't sure what she'd expected under going this ritual of theirs, but it had left her feeling nervous about what these future rotations would hold for her. It was difficult enough to make arbitrary decisions in the heat of the moment, and a whole other story watching herself make them. She was not used to second guessing herself, and being the one in charge always involved making the tough choices, but when you're not in the moment....

She sighed as her mind went in circles. She stood and undressed, slipping into the warm water, finding a lovely crevice in the middle of a swirling eddy that molded perfectly to her body.  The heat relaxed her as she drifted, barely hearing the door swish open signalling Chakotay's return. 

She reached up to massage a throbbing knot in her right shoulder, as the muscle twitched from fatigue. Chakotay's strong hand replaced hers as he slipped in behind her, pressing into the ache and drawing it out. 

"Mmhmm, that feels good," she sighed contently. "Did you speak with Carson?"

"Yes, I told him we would likely be a few more days then we had planned, which he was fine with. They don't need to rendezvous with the Falcon for a bit, he said he would relay our message to command." Chakotay eased his fingers down to her midback, working the muscles around the spine as she groaned.

"Good. I guess we should start working on our reports," she said reluctantly. 

"Or maybe it might be best if we wait and see what happens...." he said playfully. "I could finish my massage..."

"Are you shirking your responsibilities?" She mocked him.

"Yes." He agreed simply. "I just want to be here with you. "

His hands had moved lower, digging into the aching muscles in her lower back. She leaned forward, enjoying being pampered like this. She turned to face him, tracing his lips with her fingers, then something caught her eye.

"Chakotay," she whispered, "you've got this...mark." She examined the shimmering swirl on his sternum. He looked down to try to see it, feeling where her fingers were. He frowned slightly, looking at her, touching the same spot on her. "You have something here too."

They looked at one another and then got out of the river to check more closely in the mirror. 

Kathryn caught her reflection, seeing an identical shimmer swirl etched onto her sternum. "It's beautiful," she conceded. "Unexpected, but beautiful."

They turned back to one another, and she moved into his arms, pondering the significance. Sliding between the cool sheets, they curled up into each other, her smooth back pressed against his chest, naked and comfortable. Her mind was now slow with sleepiness. He caressed her breasts gently, 

"Kathryn," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"Mmmmph," she answered. 

"Can we skip the massage and the sex and sleep?" He murmured. 

There was silence. She was already breathing deeply. He pulled her tightly to him, and succumbed to darkness. 

 

******

 

 


	7. Memories of the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This covers part one of Year in Hell with some liberties along the way.

_The clouds were thick as they billowed around her. She peered curiously through the mist as she searched for Chakotay, but she was alone. As she turned, she could see the mist parting to reveal the temple pool, glowing and churning as it called to her. She was drawn to the shining waters, and she waded in sinking below the surface._

_The water held her as she floated. She could make out shapes before her and incoherent whispers filled the silence. Suddenly, invisible hands caressed her skin, moving over her body, leaving a scorching arousal in its wake. Her body was on fire, the flames licking at her body, stoking her desire. Fingers stroked her, evoking a moan, as surges of fresh heat spilled out across her pelvis._

She felt his weight press down upon her as she lay on her stomach. Her hands clenched and entangled in his as he braced himself on his elbows. He entered her in one smooth motion, her body ached, and she gasped as her mind cleared. The peacefulness of slumber vanished, replaced with a raw hunger as her body woke with a jolt.

He moved against her, slowly and lusciously, the angle of his hips curving up into her. He groaned in her ear, burying his face into her hair.  She moaned in response as he drove into her,  stroking her inner walls. She could feel the length of his body pressed against her, covering her like a blanket. She trembled, thinking of nothing beyond her desire. His hot breath feathered her neck and she could hear his excitement in deep long pants as he moved inside her. The pressure of his body prevented her from moving much, and the helplessness heightened her arousal as he slid in and out. She squeezed her muscles around him as he withdrew, clenching him tightly as he returned, flexing to match his pace. He grunted his approval, as she worked him internally, digging his fingers into her sides as he struggled to contain his climax. 

He sat back on his haunches, and brought her hips back with him while tucking her knees beneath her. She followed his lead and pushed back against him as he began to glide in and out in a quick tempo. The atmosphere was primal and filled with a combination of moans and sighs as he fucked her. She ground back against him, savouring the rawness of the moment. So much of who she was meant being in command, and these last few days with Chakotay had provided an escape from that. It was cathartic to give up control, and he was one of very few she could trust to do that with. 

His hands grasped her hips, pulling her back on him as he thrusted, occasionally reaching up to cup her breast, squeezing its fullness. He rose to his knees, and she moaned loudly as he slammed into her. Waves of heat coiled down her thighs with each blow, as she rocked back and forth, embracing the length of his member into her slickness with wet evidence of her pleasure dripping down his balls. She arched her back to steady her hips as his cock came down, feeling the tip hit that beautiful spot deep in her core. Chakotay gazed down at her in wonder, her tousled hair and willowy body writhed beneath him, and he could barely contain himself. He responded to her shudders, moving faster as she absorbed the force of him. 

"Harder Chakotay," she ordered, her voice low and sensual.

"Like this?" He asked thrusting deeper, placing one leg up at her side so he was crouching over her. 

"Oh god yes," she gasped as he wrapped one arm around her waist while he pounded into her, his wild and brutal passion ravaging her body. The heat in her pelvis pulsed and throbbed, loud and demanding as it sought to be acknowledged. Her mind was drunk with pleasure, as she felt the edge of her orgasm begin to quake. 

She felt him flip her then onto her back as he withdrew. She growled in frustration, narrowing her eyes as he came to face her. His face was smug at her reaction, slithering up her body and coming up under one leg, as he filled her again. 

"Fuck," she hissed, feeling the stretch in her thigh with every hard thrust. He leaned down and kissed her, sucking on her lips as she whimpered with pleasure. Her leg rested on his shoulder, wrapping itself instinctively around his neck as he kept up his relentless pace. 

The angle drove her over the edge as she pressed up beneath him, the orgasm strong and forceful like a lightening rod striking through her. He came shortly after, her excitement and tightness pushing him over the edge. He groaned, long and deep, as his muscles twitched from the exertion. Slowly they came down out of the storm and he collapsed down on her, kissing and suckling on the soft skin at her throat.

They lay quietly in the afterglow. She ran her hands through his hair, massaging the back of his neck. 

"Well that's one way to wake up," she said wistfully.

"Your body was beckoning," His goofy smile spreading across his face.

"How long?" She looked around for an indication of what time it was. 

"How long was your body beckoning?" He teased.

"How long have we been sleeping smart ass," she retorted, smacking his behind playfully. The dusky sky suggested it was near nightfall, and she wondered if their presence was missed. 

"I'm not sure, maybe a couple hours? I do have a very smart ass..." Chakotay twisted around pretending to admire himself before climbing off of her to look for something to clean them up with. 

She sat up on her elbows as he hunted around the room, introspective and quiet. He returned with a warm cloth, towelling her gently, cleaning their combined juices from her thighs and back. 

"You haven't told me about your experience in the pool," she said tentatively. "Feel like talking about it?"

"I'm not sure it was that different from yours," he answered honestly, "I could feel your anger and torment. It was draining, I felt useless in my abilities to help you process that." 

"It was intense," she agreed, "and the worst part was it was only a few days worth of memories - there's more." 

"Well, here's hoping they are not all filled with battle and destruction..." Chakotay leaned over for a soft kiss, before going off again to search for clean clothes. 

He returned with some pure white garments that he had found, sitting down beside her as he dressed. 

She stroked the shimmering swirls on his sternum, noticing it was slightly raised, almost like it had been etched into his skin. 

"Kathryn," Chakotay looked closely at her, aware of her quietness. 

She couldn't take her eyes from his chest, smiling faintly, "We need to get back to the pool Chakotay," she said quietly. "I need to know what happened to Voyager and the crew...I'll be thoroughly distracted until I get through these lost memories."

He studied her, debating if he needed to disagree, before realizing it would be futile to fight her. Besides, he was just as keen on returning to the temple. "Alright, I'll go look for Adria and let him know we want to get right back to it - on one condition."

She looked up questioningly.

"We eat first. You need your strength." His expression was firm as he spoke. 

"Yes, we will eat, but quickly. You go speak with Adria and have food brought to us? I want to bathe quickly and gather myself." 

He nodded, kissing her lightly before leaving the room.

 

  
*******

 

They ate quickly, the dish resembled something that tasted like stew, and it was hearty and sustaining. Kathryn had barely breathed between bites as it warmed her belly, licking her spoon clean, feeling full and satisfied. She giggled at Chakotay as he voraciously consumed his meal, his stew spilling out the sides of his mouth as he tried to chew the large mouthfuls. She leaned forward, licking the remnants from the edges of his mouth, her tongue trailed down to catch the dribbles down his chin.

"Mmmhph" he said, swallowing at last, "I did that on purpose." He claimed, winking at her, capturing her skillful tongue between his lips, sucking on her.

"I wouldn't put it past you," she agreed. "Shall we be off?" 

"Adria has left already to prepare, Dion will be meeting us at the platform to take us over," said Chakotay, taking a long drink.

They had changed in preparation, and Kathryn felt herself beginning to get nervous again. Chakotay clasped her hand in his, squeezing, "let's go."

  
Dion was patiently waiting for them at the platform, she stared momentarily at the swirls on their chests, but said nothing. "They should be ready by the time we get there, Adria believes he can help by providing a stronger buffer for you this rotation so that it is more manageable."

Kathryn smiled gratefully, "Thank you."

"Are you feeling alright?" Dion asked, as they began their flight to the temple.

Kathryn nodded, "I was very tired and certainly overwhelmed, but I'm more prepared now I think. I should be ok." 

"You did well you know, for someone who has had no exposure..." Dion smiled, reaching out to touch her sternum. "I can see that you're developing your 'eimi', it's unusual to see it flourish so similarly on two individuals, but not surprising given your shared experience."

"It's beautiful," said Kathryn. "This is what causes the patterns?" She referred back to Dion, indicating her skin. 

"Yes, they develop over time, changing as the mind matures. Think of it as an imprint that time makes on the body when they converse."

"You say that they change? Are they permanent?" asks Chakotay.

"For us, yes," Dion answers hesitantly, "but keep in mind that as a species we are always connected to time and the life force it holds, and you will not be... So I can't say with certainty what will happen."

The temple loomed before them as they approached, and Adria was there to greet them. 

"I trust you are both well. Let us begin immediately." He suggested, leading back to the familiar pool. 

Kathryn and Chakotay resumed their place in the center of the pool as the elders took their positions once again. Adria nodded at them as the field began to form.

_Prepare yourselves_

His voice was strong and reassuring, as Kathryn felt a familiar glow as they drifted back to Voyager. 

They were back in her ready room, as much as it could be considered that given the wreckage that lay before them. Kathryn watched herself trying to keep busy in an inane attempt to clean up. She could feel the quiet anger simmering in her gut, her sense of pride battling with a desire to spare her crew and save her ship. She knew herself well enough to know that she now believed she had come too far to back down. The door chimed, and the other Chakotay entered. 

She felt a bolt of irritation shoot through Janeway at the thought of having _that_ conversation. 

She observed the two of the them spar over the possibility of leaving the ship behind, feeling a tinge of betrayal from her other self at the mere suggestion. She could sense the impatience in her mind as she tried to be open to his counsel, but the decision had already been made. She looked at Chakotay who was outwardly accepting her words, but she sensed the doubt that graced his thoughts.

"It's an impossible decision," conceded her Chakotay. "I hear your position," he indicated towards Janeway, "and I hear my own. The ship is what holds us together but..."

"...we're losing," she finished for him. "I'm so conflicted Chakotay. I can't remember feeling this way since..." Her voice trailed off as long buried memories came to the surface. 

She felt his warmth envelope her. They were back on the bridge, facing the Krenim imperium once again. Another escape. She watched the flurry of the crew as time moved them from one attack to the next, she could not sense them the way she could Chakotay, but she saw the bravery and courage in their faces as they continued to follow her orders and fight to survive. Morale began to fade away as the situation grew more dire with each encounter. She had lost track of the days, the doctor had sedated her more than once to force her to rest, and the conversation and victories were further and further apart. The constant darkness around them felt so constant that she had grown a bit numb to the emotions that bubbled below the surface. The worst thing about it was the lack of headway. The situation was deteriorating, and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. They still had not managed to adapt their shielding to the Krenim weapons. A burst of anger erupted, her mind seeking Chakotay in her efforts to calm her frustration. 

"I don't know how much more I can 'remember'" she said sardonically. "It's like witnessing a horror movie of your life!!"

"It is rather," admitted Chakotay, "but there's something amazing here. Look at how we've pulled together. There's doubt, exhaustion, anger, and despair, but we haven't stopped fighting. Watch yourself, you didn't shut off Kathryn, you're fighting to keep the crew going." 

She didn't respond immediately, but the air lightened at his observations. 

"Yes. The crew was and have always been amazing..." she said softly. 

They were on the disaster of a bridge again. She shook her head, there was months worth of repairs here. Even if they made it through Krenim space, what it would take to get the ship back to full efficiency if that was even possible at this point - the thought was disheartening. Her counterpart was working on repairing the science station when the other Chakotay walked up, holding something out to her.

"Happy Birthday," he said, wiping his face with his other hand. They were both covered in dirt and sweat, their hands blackened from working on the ship. He was holding a beautiful pocket watch.

Kathryn melted, she watched Janeway, nervous of what her reaction would be. Sure enough....

"Happy what?" She responded, her voice monotonous and tired. 

"Today is May 20th"

Janeway's head turned slowly, and Kathryn saw a glimmer of something in her face. 

"Is it? I thought we were still in April." the weariness flashed in her eyes as she shook her head. "Guess I've lost track of the time..." 

"Well, this should help," Chakotay offered her the gift again. 

She could sense herself resisting the urge to just brush him off and return to her repairs. The last thing on her mind was her birthday, and there certainly wasn't anything to celebrate.

She caressed him with her mind, "You were always so supportive, even when I could have cared less..." she whispered. Slightly broken, she watched herself in disbelief.

Janeway took the watch, examining it like it was a tricorder or hypospray that had been handed to her, "It's beautiful." Kathryn could feel the numbness within her as she listened to Chakotay explain its origins. She struggled to try to force herself to feel something positive, understanding the significance of the gift before her. The trauma of the last two months had taken its toll and there was nothing left. 

"...there wasn't much left of it.. A few planks, half a sail...but he got his crew home."

An overwhelming sense of sadness came over her then, grief and failure were at the forefront of her thoughts. 

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I can't keep this," she said coldly, "recycle it, can't afford to waste anything on non-essentials." The bitterness cut through the air, sharp and deadly. 

"Kathryn... I replicated this months ago, I've been saving it, I wanted you to have it," he argued. She could feel how shocked he was by her refusal. Janeway responded with some more rationale on 'life and death' and the hurt he felt was so poignant, it hung thick and muddy in the air like a perpetual fog. Tears flowed down her cheeks as he got up and walked away, her inner voice screaming to undo the damage she had just caused. 

"Oh Chakotay..." She breathed, "I am sooo sorry..." Her thoughts filtering through to him. 

"It's alright," her Chakotay said quietly. 

She shook her head. "No, no it isn't. I'm hurting and I handled that so poorly, look at me, I'm so caught up in everything I can't even bring myself to acknowledge it."

His reassurance emanated through her mind, "you're right, it's not...but having you here to say that to me makes it better. At least this way I know it was the moment and the situation and not how you really felt."

Kathryn watched herself working silently on the repairs, distracting herself with work so that she did not have time to think. She sighed inwardly. Time continued to flit by, the darkness inside had grown, and finally as the last dregs of energy dissipated, she was watching herself return to what was left of her quarters. 

Alone in the darkness, amongst torn bulkheads and flickering panels, the dam broke and she felt herself let go and collapsed in a heap. She stared out into space as her body wracked with sobs. There was nothing to say as Janeway cried, her voice reverberating throughout the room. The door hissed open and she caught herself, attempting to bring her guards back into place before she turned to see her visitor. Kathryn saw and felt who it was before the door opened.

Chakotay stood there, bedraggled and tired, watching her wipe the remnants of her tears from her dirt-stained face. 

"Commander," her voice wavered. "Do you need me?"

"Oh Kathryn..." He said forlornly. 

Kathryn watched with pride as he wrapped Janeway into his arms and held her as she fell apart again. Stroking her back and supporting her weight, he said nothing, allowing her to just feel his strength beside her. 

Chakotay's mind was with her now, "See? I'm here for you in any timeline, in any future, in all our pasts."

"You're amazing." Her comfort echoed back to him.

Their thoughts intertwined as they focused on their other selves, watching him dry her tears and kiss her gently, her hands moving to embrace him as they sank to the couch. Their hands roamed over each other, trying to find some physical comfort to override the emotional roller coaster that was their current reality. They were rough with each other, bruising each other's lips with the force of their tongues, fingers and hands pressing into each other's bodies. 

Kathryn mused at the sight of them, "Are we about to watch ourselves break protocol?"

Chakotay's amusement flared, "well I don't see either of us pulling back... Do you?"

Kathryn agreed as jackets and tanks began to come off. "I believe you're right. To hell with protocol." She focused on the couple before her, feeling herself wet with arousal, and she moaned. She allowed her mind to spiral down into herself, feeling the delicious sensation of Chakotay's hands moving across her skin. 

It was an indescribable sensation, she felt what was happening to her as if she was there herself, and her thoughts merged tightly with Chakotay's as he experienced the same. They wasted no time in freeing themselves of their uniforms, and within moments he was inside her. She straddled him, working her frustrations out on the length of his cock, grinding against him with unbridled passion. Her hand was on his shoulder to brace herself as she moved, her eyes on his, filled with an insatiable lust as she worked herself against him. 

Their movements were angry and powerful as they sought to forget for just a moment that their world was falling apart around them. Her tears continued to flow, as he came up into her, hard and insistent. Kathryn could feel her desperation mix with a growing heat in her belly as the ripples ebbed and flowed, growing and swirling within her. Chakotay's thoughts were gentler as he strove to free her of the tension she had been carrying with her, his fingers drawing over her clit in tight circles, feeling her fluids cover his hand and lap. Guilty pleasure pounded in her head as she tried to reconcile sex with her first officer in the midst of a crisis. 

He pulled her forward, wrapping his arms around her, and she buried her face into his shoulder, biting the soft skin between his shoulder and neck. Chakotay's groan came to her ears and echoed in her mind, and he took over the pace, driving up into her furiously. Hips came together in a violent finale as her rippled waves of pleasure culminated in an explosion of light and color, her body shaking in spasms around his cock. He continued his pace in a frenzy, prolonging her ecstasy, pulsing in hot spurts of semen as it filled her heat. Kathryn could feel his orgasm alongside hers and almost blacked out from the assault on her senses. 

They extricated themselves from each other awkwardly, searching through the debris to find their clothes and pausing to compose themselves. 

"Thank you Chakotay," Janeway said, looking at him sideways as they sat on the couch. "You're right, I needed that..." She laughed then at the absurdity of it all, her body shaking with exhaustion and adrenaline. "Are we going to survive this?" she asked.

"I don't know, but I'm glad I got to do that in the event we don't." Chakotay said affectionately. 

They cleared the mess off the couch as best they could, snuggling down together. The quietness was comforting as they drifted off to sleep. 

"We look good together," said Chakotay flippantly. "That was pretty hot." 

"You're terrible!" admonished Kathryn. "You're right though, that was hot. It's a pity that it happened like this though."

"It's amazing it happened at all," corrected Chakotay. "The distance between us could only have been broached in a situation like this. When protocol and Starfleet would become inconsequential."

Her agreement ebbed at his thoughts.

They were on the bridge now. She watched Tuvok at his station, struggling to adapt to his new disability. Janeway's eyes lingered on him and her heart broke. 

Seven was working on the temporal shielding, activating her modifications just in time as the ship shook from the attack. There was no cry of victory from the crew, it seemed so minor in the grand scheme of things, but it was enough to solidify Janeway's determination. This would not all be for nothing.

"We're going through their space whether they like it or not." 

Chakotay eyes bore into her as she sat, and she could feel his hesitation at her declaration. He wanted them to survive, he wanted a future for them. 

There was another spatial distortion coming towards them, and it was like they'd never encountered one before. Kathryn watched, knowing the difference the shielding would have, as the shockwave moved over them. 

She found herself silently cheering as Seven and Janeway talked it out in astrometrics. They were finally starting to understand. The ship shuddered and she was back on the bridge again observing a massive Krenim ship. This was it, she realized. The cause of everything that they had endured, the Krenim ship that had created this havoc filled the view screen, imposing and dangerous.

"That entire vessel is in a state of temporal flux," said Harry, working furiously as his station, "it's like they exist outside of space time."

"They're scanning us," warned Tom.

Suddenly Chakotay and Tom vanished in a shimmer of transporter activity. Her mind exploded, searching for him. 

"It's alright Kathryn, I'm here," he soothed, "well I'm here but not there." 

Kathryn focused on his words, feeling Janeway's panic and anger course through her like venom combined with Chakotay's defensiveness as he was thrown into a dark room to wait things out. 

She returned to herself, feeling Janeway direct those emotions into her command as the conversation unfolded with Annorax. The realization dawned on both Kathryn and Janeway at the same time; a single ship was causing these drastic changes. The changes with the Krenim Imperium, the space time shockwaves, the temporal weapons - all originating here from a ship untouched by the devastation. 

Annorax unleashed his weapon on Voyager. Janeway was at con, debating the consequences of jumping to warp to escape, again an unbearable decision that could have fatal consequences. Kathryn smirked, that felt like just one of many decisions that had needed to be made during their years in the Delta quadrant. 

As they jumped to warp, her heart was in her throat. Janeway glanced one final time at the Krenim ship before giving the order. 

 _Chakotay_  

Kathryn reached out to Chakotay, eager to know what was happening to him. 

"Are you ok? What's going on?" 

His thoughts floated to her, "I'm ok, they just sedated me. I'm in their medical bay with Tom. They're running tests on us."

"Can you still see Voyager through me? I can't see you but you're sedated." She asked.

"I can but only through you." 

Kathryn sighed, they were in the mess hall as she listened to herself attempt to give an uplifting speech to the crew. Janeway was very believable, though to Kathryn, her emotions betrayed her. She wanted to believe it...to believe that it was possible to reunite a scattered crew, to believe that they had a chance of staying alive in small groups, she wanted to believe it so badly that she almost had herself convinced. She understood, Janeway couldn't ask them to stay any longer, and even though they would have, it wouldn't have been fair. Kathryn knew she would not continue without retrieving Chakotay and Tom, and she felt that familiar stubbornness flare at the mention of their names. 

The anger from earlier had once again shifted to numb acceptance, but now her spirit to fight was renewed. The insight from her conversation with Annorax would be the fuel she needed, and armed with her new temporal shielding, she would fight or die to end this. 

Chakotay felt her emotions fester, touched by her determination to come back and get him. Kathryn closed her mind and focused only on her Chakotay. 

"Enough...." she whispered.

 

  
*******

 

  
Her eyes opened, and Chakotay was holding her tightly. The water around them was no longer peaceful, but tumbling and rolling over them, the steam rising hot around them. Her skin was on fire, like every nerve ending had been exposed and stimulated.

The Candarians were in the water, helping them out, folding them in blankets, and pushing glasses of the familiar red liquid into their hands. As they sat, another Candarian approached with a device in his hand,

"May I do some repairs?" he asked gently, "you are not accustomed to such prolonged contact to water."

She nodded, allowing him to run something that resembled a dermal regenerator over her white pale skin. As he worked, she saw Chakotay undergoing a similar treatment. She noticed her hands were bleeding around the nail beds where the skin had become inflamed and macerated. 

She looked over to see Adria consulting with the elders. As if feeling her eyes on them, they turned to acknowledge her, bowing slightly, before taking their leave. 

Dion came to join them, watching and waiting for the doctors to finish. 

"Your rotation lasted for 6 hours," said Adria, his face drawn from the concentration."You are more focused during the evenings."

Kathryn nodded. "Yes I felt much stronger this time around. May I ask, how much time did I experience? It was so difficult to keep track of. When will we be able to continue?"

"Two months give or take," said Adria. "I would suggest we begin again tomorrow night. Your connection is stronger when the core is most active." The doctors nodded at Dion as they rose to leave, and Kathryn felt as good as new as she ran a hand over her healed skin. 

"Why don't we take some time tomorrow for other things?" suggested Dion. 

Chakotay placed a hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "I think that would be fantastic," he said, smiling encouragingly, "we will still have time to rest and return here tomorrow."

Kathryn realized the decision had been made. It had been a lot to take in, it would be good to take a break. 

"Yes, that sounds fantastic," she agreed, as they all rose to return to their chambers. 

  
******

 


	8. Fun and Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A break from the heaviness, our two lovers spend some time in the present, fulfilling a few fantasies as they go.

Kathryn opened her eyes lazily, it was late into the morning and she realized how long it had been since she's woken up naturally. She stretched languidly, reaching out to touch Chakotay's prone form, snoozing quietly beside her. She stole out of bed, helped herself to a cup of what wasn't coffee, and quietly walked out to the terrace. The purple glow on the horizon lit up the water, and Kathryn looked down to people watch as she sipped her brew.      

A strong breeze gusted around her and she sighed contentedly. She had never thought she would do anything outside of Starfleet, it had always been her goal and her passion, but there were occasional moments where she found a place she believed she could be completely happy. Perhaps the passage of time, the more that she experienced, the stronger the inclination to settle...or perhaps it was the man sleeping in the next room. There were still a few adventures left in her, but one of these days....

Chakotay's arms wrapped around her as he settled his chin into the crook of her shoulder. 

"Good afternoon," he whispered, taking in her relaxed posture and easy breathing. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright...a bit muddled honestly. I have all these new memories but no real time to sift through things. It's like my mind hasn't reconciled all the new information. Yet I can't wait for this evening, like I won't be able to make sense of it until we've gotten to end."

"I feel the same, it's like reading a really great thriller and you need the rest of the story to make sense of the beginning." He replied. "You seem less disturbed today though."

She shrugged, "I'm not sure it's that, the last rotation was far darker then the first... With the exception of our little get together," she smiled at the memory, "it's more like it was disturbing for so long that it's become the norm. I guess the same way I felt back then, in that...timeline."

"Like they weren't from a different timeline" he confirmed, as her voice trailed off. "Like they're conflicting with our current memories." 

"Yes! It's not like when we've moved through time before... It's not separate."

He nodded, squeezing her gently.

"Hungry?" she asked, changing the subject. 

He nodded, "There's something in stasis that looks like a cross between soup and porridge, and something that smells like bacon. Oh, and a dish that looks like noodles, but tastes more like a root vegetable."

She wrinkled her nose, "Sounds interesting. Dion has business to attend to this morning and Adria is resting for tonight so we are on our own, but she said she would join us later."

"I would love to check out the market we walked by when we first got here. Anything in particular you'd like to see?" he wrapped his arm around her as they went back into room. 

"No, the market sounds lovely," she agreed. Kathryn caught her image in the mirror, admiring the swirls on her sternum. The design had become more intricate since the last rotation, filling in between the large strokes with more delicate designs. It had now begun to wind its way down between her breasts, and had darkened slightly. 

She turned and saw the flowing green dress hanging on the wall for her. It was layered like leaves that criss-crossed in intricate patterns across the bodice, with a plunging neckline that left little to the imagination. 

"The clothes here are gorgeous, but so..." She trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Cool and airy?" quipped Chakotay. 

"Yeah, that's it, cool and airy..." She made a face at him. "I'll race you?" She shouted merrily, grabbing the dress and throwing his tunic and leggings at him.

He grinned widely, "You're on!"

  
********

 

It was exciting wandering around Candarii without their escorts as the crowds swelled to greet them. The market was in a particularly large dwelling underwater but closer to the surface to allow for natural light to illuminate the space. The stalls were lined with glorious fabrics in all different textures and colours. Kathryn admired the beautiful weaves, fingering a particularly lovely amethyst bolt that resembled the Candarian sunrises. Chakotay noticed her linger and signalled to the shopkeeper.

"Can you charge us for that one? And send it to our chambers?" He asked.

The Candarian smiled and nodded. Kathryn looked over her shoulder, squeezing his hand in thanks.

There was food everywhere. Kathryn enjoyed the eagerness of everyone approaching them with offerings - some more tantalizing than others. Chakotay was trying to escape a particularly insistent woman who kept shoving a skewer of something that looked like feet at him. They spent some time, drifting through the area, taking in the sights and sounds. The market was as much of a social setting as a practical one, with people milling around and chatting with one another. Several women were standing in a circle, eyeing Chakotay hawkishly. "Look at the male," she heard one comment, "we should welcome him." Kathryn grabbed his arm, hurrying him away from the swarm as her possessiveness kicked in. 

They sat to rest in the center courtyard, watching some children play. Kathryn couldn't quite figure out the rules as they darted in and out amongst the stone maze in the centre, which continued to move and change every so often. It was almost like tag and hide and seek mixed together. She enjoyed the sounds of their laughter as they 'found' one another. 

Chakotay pointed at one of the older boys, who seemed to regularly be 'it' as he closed his eyes, moving through the maze,

"He's very good...at wherever it is they're doing." He glanced over at Kathryn, "Ever thought about kids?"

She froze for a moment and stared at him nervously, "Of course, but it's complicated. I've always wanted a career in Starfleet, kids can be pretty tough to fit into that equation. I've never ruled it out, but I would still be content if it's not in the cards for me. You?"

"I've always wanted kids, but only when and if it made sense," he said carefully, "maybe it'll be in the cards for us?"

"One thing at a time Chakotay. One thing at a time..." It had been awhile since she'd thought about that possibility. 

These past few days had reawakened a lot of things.

He chuckled. "I'm going to go check out that store over there, I'll be right back." 

She nodded, her attention returning to the children. Kids. Was she too old for kids? She doubted that, but to be responsible for a little life force while she ran about the Galaxy didn't seem very feasible. One little girl with long lavender silver hair had turned to watch her, approaching her slowly. 

"You would be very loving," she said sweetly, "the answers are not as difficult as you would think, you will find your balance." She bent to pick a sprout from the planter nearby and focusing her gaze, Kathryn watched in amazement as it blossomed into a blood red flower. 

"Like the wind," she said simply. Kathryn took it from her, smelling its bright petals as its delicate fragrance filled her nostrils. 

"Thank you," she murmured, as the little girl ran back to rejoin her friends. 

Dion had been watching from a distance and came over to sit beside her. Kathryn's astonishment was written across her face. 

"Ceres is not as young as you might think," she remarked, "she's been developing her talents for at least 20 years."

"How do they learn all of this? Is it like the way we learn language or is it taught? Or does it naturally develop?" She asked curiously.

"At the hub. Everyone attends the hub to grow and develop their talents. Would you like to see it?" said Dion solicitously. 

"I would love that!" Her excitement was evident.

"Of course," Dion smiled, "I must go help Chakotay first. We will be back in a moment." 

Kathryn nodded, a bit puzzled, twirling the flower between her fingertips, debating the cryptic meaning behind Ceres' words. Chakotay and Dion were coming back towards her and she rose to meet them as they set out.

  
********

  
Chakotay held out his hand to help Kathryn off the platform. The large dome before them had multiple entrances with long connecting corridors that branched out from the center. The connected buildings each had their own small islands, and the corridors allowed for easy access. 

"Your architecture is brilliant," said Kathryn.

"Thank you," said Dion pleasantly, "We've had to be fairly innovative to best utilize the land mass we have. It's possible to create more of course but we prefer to not alter the landscape beyond what is necessary."

She ushered them to the central entrance of the dome, "The hub is where we share our knowledge and hone our abilities. I suppose you could call it an educational facility. We learn our history here, the young ones develop their temporal skills along with others, and paths are divined here." 

She led them through the main hall towards one of the outerlying corridors. Kathryn noticed the small groups in various areas working on different concepts and activities. 

They continued on, passing by large theatres. Kathryn could see each theatre had groups of Candarians of varying ages, and images that flickered brightly on the walls. It reminded her of a holodeck. Dion stopped in front of one theatre, motioning to the group of 'kids' inside.

"This pod is working on thought projection, those images are one of the young ones thoughts." She explained. 

She moved to the theatre opposite, "whereas this group here is a bit more advanced, they've mastered the ability to project, and they are learning to access each other's mind. So these images belong to one in the group, but it's another who is creating the image." She said as she continued down the corridor.

"Each individual has their strengths. So depending upon what that is, they can choose to improve by practicing. The pods we've just passed, their strength will eventually evolve to allow them to see others in space time as well as themselves. Within that group, some may be stronger with nature and others with say metal. There's a lot of diversity. Think of skills you may not normally associate with time - telekinetics, foresight, medicine..."

They had reached a large theatre, and Dion motioned for them to enter. 

"Want to give it a try?" she smiled encouragingly. 

"How is that possible?"

Dion activated a panel nearby revealing some glowing orbs. She took out two pairs and moved to place them on both Kathryn and Chakotay. Reaching up her hair, Dion pressed them on the sides of Kathryn's neck behind her ears.

"The matrix in this room is designed to pick up and interpret our projections and neural images. For those that have not mastered that yet, we have these neural stims. We use them on the little ones when they begin their training to amplify their neural signals. These stims are linked directly into the matrix of the theatre."

She stepped back, "let me demonstrate."

The room blinked and Kathryn gasped as the floor disappeared beneath her feet. She was standing in space. Literally. Below her were the rings of the small Candarian moon. She could see the Starfleet ship in orbit around Candarii.

"No way," breathed Chakotay. "This is real? Like now?"

It was like the holodeck, but sooo not the holodeck. 

"Yes." Dion sparkled, taking delight in their pleasure. Kathryn hesitated as she stepped forward. "Don't worry, you're seeing what I'm projecting, we are not there, that can't be accomplished here." Kathryn walked around the arch, marvelling at the matter that floated beneath her. 

"Fascinating," she exclaimed. She looked up at Dion and she nodded, "Go ahead, try."

Kathryn thought for a moment and closed her eyes. Dion moved to stand closer to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

"Don't force the image, focus your mind, imagine you're where you want to be, see it around you," Dion instructed. 

Kathryn took a deep breath and allowed her muscles to relax. When she reopened her eyes, she cried out in delight. They were surrounded by magenta swirls of light and gas. Chakotay laughed.

"Where are we?" He asked, playing with the viscous fog.

"It's the Kalei nebula, she said excitedly, "it was one of the first spatial phenomena I got to study in person."

"I'm needed elsewhere for a bit," Dion interrupted, "please stay. I'll be back soon." As she headed for the exit, she turned for a second to call out, "Enjoy yourself..." She winked as the door closed behind her.  

Kathryn giggled, twirling through the rainbow mist, "Always wanted to play in a nebula...give it a try Chakotay!"

He nodded, looking thoughtful as he pondered where to take them. His eyes lit up and he closed his eyes, concentrating hard. The room glowed, listening to his commands and they were suddenly on the edge of a cliff overlooking a grand gorge. They were surrounded by these funny looking trees of smooth alabaster bark that were twisted and gnarled in varying shapes. Kathryn peered over the edge, down into the deep chasm. 

"Beautiful..." She breathed, "Where are we?"

"A planet in the Serai system," he said, wrapping his arms around her from behind and stepping to the edge of the gorge. 

"Listen," he whispered, placing a hand over her eyes to emphasize her other senses. 

She stood quietly leaning back against him, the forceful wind moved around them, threatening to blow them over - and then she heard it. It was like a soft lullaby, a chorus of musical instruments as the wind blew through the grove of trees. 

"It's beautiful...so peaceful." She felt his hardness growing against her back, and she turned to meet his eyes. 

"Getting a bit spirited Commander?" Her mouth curved at his obvious excitement.

He pulled her to him tightly, slipping a hand into the front of her dress, lightly teasing her nipple between his fingertips.

"Maybe," he taunted, "You know where I've always wanted to rip your clothes off?"

The room flashed and she looked around at her ready room on Voyager. He pressed her back against the edge of her desk, grinding himself up against her.

"Now now Commander," her voice silky and seductive, "that would be thoroughly inappropriate." She remembered all the hours she had spent in this space, her haven, and she couldn't count the number of times her mind had indulged in more illicit possibilities.

His lips caught hers, drawing her into a long sultry kiss that made her body flush and quiver. His hands had shifted, grazing over her torso, pulling the edges of her dress up, his fingers tickling the sides of her thighs. 

She moaned softly, pulling out of the haze, her voice unsteady, "I thought this was more your style," she whispered.

They stood in the center of the bridge, the view screen reflecting shooting stars as they hurtled through space at warp speed. Her hands curled up around his face, bringing him back down to her, as her tongue flicked into his mouth, biting gently on his upper lip. 

"Oh you have no idea," he groaned, his lips moving to her throat, responding with bites of his own. His hands came together over the top curve of her ass, pulling her to him. 

"We can't Chakotay," she sighed reluctantly, "Dion could be back any minute..." She closed her eyes, achingly aware of her bodies disagreement. 

"I'll be fast," he murmured, his hands sliding down her back and between her legs, pressing his fingers into her damp panties. "You know you want it..." His fingers trailed up the soft flesh of her thigh as she trembled at his touch. She cursed at herself quietly for being so susceptible to his attentions. 

"You can keep fighting it, and I will go on touching you until you just can't stand it anymore and you're practically begging for me...Dion can always watch if she wants." He said smugly, his hand palmed her crotch, while he continued to lightly run his fingertips over her sensitive skin. 

Her eyes snapped open, suddenly pushing him back into her Captains chair. "Does that turn you on? Getting caught? Or being watched?" 

She straddled him, and he hiked up her dress, bringing his hand back between her legs. She felt his fingers slide into her underwear, his smile widening at finding her slick and wet for him. "You turn me on, and the idea of getting caught? Absolutely. Don't tell me a bit of danger doesn't rile you up, we've been on more than a few away missions together, I know how worked up you can get," he said confidently, working his fingers up into her folds, taking in the look of pleasure that spread over her face. His groin stirred as he watched her, beautiful and wild in her passion.

"Surprising as this may seem to you, the opportunity - " she gasped, pressing down on him, urging him onward as her eyes darkened with lust. "The opportunity has not often presented itself."

He snorted, circling his hand inside her, his thumb moving in steady strokes over her clit, "I highly doubt that. Even if that were true, I bet it took everything you had to hold back...you enjoy sex. You like getting fucked..." 

She moaned at the directness of his words, riding his hand shamelessly, grasping the arms of her command chair to provide herself with some leverage as she brought herself closer and closer to climax. The hot swell grew inside her and the ache of her efforts burned in her legs. She had always been a passionate lover, but Chakotay's words brought out a hunger and curiosity she did not know she was capable of. 

He withdrew his hand suddenly eliciting a cry as she muttered under her breath at him. Wrapping his arms around her he stood, her legs winding tightly around his waist. 

He walked forwards, pressing her against the railing, dropping to his knees to lap up her slick juices. Sucking gently on her clit, her hips pressed forward to fill his mouth as his tongue plunged into her depths. 

"Chakotay" she whispered.

He ignored her as he continued to lap at her clit, sucking insistently as one of her hands crushed his face up into her while the other grasped the railing as her legs weakened under her. The intensity was too much.

"Chakotay!" She groaned, placing a foot against his shoulder, shoving him away. He fell backwards, stalking her with his smouldering eyes as she gathered herself, moving away from him. 

"Hard to get?" He panted, moving to intercept her. 

"Not yet," she said coolly. Her hands went to his waist, spreading his tunic wide as her teeth found his nipple, biting down hard. She pulled him to her roughly, sliding her hand down his center to wrap her delicate fingers around his shaft, stroking him in firm circular motions. 

She spun them around, releasing him from his pants, looking up at him through her long lashes, "Care to sit Commander?" Her tone seductively carrying across the empty bridge. 

He laughed heartily, easing back into his seat as she settled between his legs, wrapping her hot mouth around him. She wasted no time, working her tongue up and down his shaft, twirling around the tip and back down his shaft again. Her eagerness was insanely hot, his eyes glued to her movements as she flicked her eyes up on occasion.

"Oookay, this is even hotter than I thought it would be..." he grunted. His groans grew louder as she continued her pace, sucking hard on the upswing as her hands grasped his chest, her nails leaving impressions in his skin. He was so close he could taste it, rocking his hips and wincing at her roughness. 

She stood suddenly, backing away, wiping her mouth as she edged backwards, leaning back against the con. Her eyes challenging. He stood to come after her, their bodies closing against each other in a hot tangle of lips and hands as they groped each other. She giggled in his ear, slipping out from behind him back up the stairs, and towards the turbo lift. Her face playful and mocking. 

"Kathryn!" he chased after her as made her way up the stairs towards the science stations. He grabbed her from behind, and she shrieked with laughter as he kissed her shoulder, grasping at her breasts. Pressing her into the nearby bulkhead, he smoothed her hair to one side as he kissed and nibbled on the back of her neck. 

She turned her head sideways to capture his lips again, gripping the wall in front of her as his hands continued to stimulate her, her nipples hard and engorged. She turned further to face him, lips connected, a hand on his chest as she backed away from the bulkhead moving across the bridge while her other hand rhythmically stroked his erection. Chakotay's hands never left her waist, keeping her close, his tongue doing torturous things to her neck as she moved. 

As her back hit Harry's station, she stifled a laugh at the thought of his mortification if he could see them now. Chakotay's hands had made their way back between her legs.

"Chakotay," she mumbled into his shoulder, "I want you inside me."

They were back in the ready room, she turned to lay back on her desk, her weight propped up on her elbows. Chakotay lifted her legs to rest on his chest, her knees bent slightly, her feet resting on his shoulders.

"Aye Captain," He said, pulling her underwear to one side, playing with her wetness, preparing her for him. 

She moaned, pushing back against his chest with her legs in anticipation, barely containing her desire to just jump his bones without any more delays. She watched him bring his fingers to his lips to suck them off before thrusting deeply into her. His hands gripped her thighs as he fucked her. Her squeals and cries were loud and unrestrained. Her climax came quickly as he pumped into her, fast and furious. Her hands clawed at the desk as she tried to catch her breath as he tightened and rippled, quickly following suit after seeing her release. The room flashed in colourful images, as their fantasies exploded on the walls around them. 

As he allowed her legs to fall, the door opened and Dion glided over, apparently oblivious to the sweaty disarray she saw before her. Chakotay turned to adjust his pants as Kathryn smoothed her dress and brushed her hair back into place with her hands. 

"I trust you've had enough time to... Share?" She said slyly. "Adria and I thought you might like a quiet dinner at our place before heading back to the temple?"

Kathryn nodded, "Yes... Yes, uh of course." She said self consciously, as they turned to leave. Chakotay adjusted the straps on her dress as she fixed her underwear, twisted and uncomfortable, before following behind her.

  
*********** 

 


	9. The Journey Continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up from end of Part 1 and covers the first few months after their encounter with Annorax, as well as some long buried memories.

Kathryn leaned back in her chair, feeling satisfyingly full and sated. The meal they had just consumed was as beautiful as it was tasty. The warm evening breeze hummed like a siren's song as they relaxed on the terrace.

Adria and Dion were wonderful companions and they chatted easily. Adria and Chakotay had become immersed in a lengthy explanation of space time as Chakotay tried to grasp the complexities behind the rotations they experienced.

Dion lay on her side, her head resting on her palm. "Kathryn..."she began tentatively, "may I be intrusive?"

Kathryn nodded, "Sure, you've answered all my questions."

Dion shifted forward, "Chakotay," she began, "you love him?"

Kathryn nodded again. "I do."

"So..." Dion said curiously, "why are you not promised and married? If I may be direct, I've witnessed your history, that feeling has been there for a long time...across your...universes. What's holding you back now?"

Kathryn smiled, "Uncertainty I suppose...In Starfleet, we have rules. And on a more personal note, I guess I'm nervous that if things don't work out, it will devastate me. Don't you worry for Adria?"

"No, we are destined." She said simply. "Love that is destined crosses all kinds of barriers, including time." Her words were laced with wisdom.

"Maybe that's why? Humans don't necessarily know that they're destined. We must take a chance, a risk," Kathryn reasoned.

"Yes, but haven't you done that already? By sharing your bodies and your minds?"

Kathryn nodded, "I guess so...but marriage is different. More final in your commitment to one another."

Dion looked puzzled, "Even if you do not know you're destined, do you not make the same effort to strengthen your bond? Is the risk not the same?"

Kathryn grinned. "Logically speaking, but the way our minds work, it feels different."

"You should worry less about the uncertainty and ask what you risk losing if you choose the alternative."

Kathryn squeezed her hand warmly, "You are insightful...given you're only 586..."

The women laughed together as their men rose to join them.

"We should go now," advised Adria.

 

*********

 

Kathryn stood beside Chakotay as they made last minute preparations admiring the incandescent moonlight that reflected on the water. The temple was even more beautiful at night, glowing and vibrating, as energy flowed through its walls. One of the Candarians handed her a bowl of clear lotion, "This will help protect the skin," he advised.

She nodded in thanks, studying the pleasant smelling goo as she dipped her fingers inside. She turned to Chakotay, rubbing the lotion into his back. She loved the feel of his skin, massaging his muscles as she inched her way downwards. She grinned as he jumped a bit when she curled her hands around his love handles. He was a bit ticklish, that would come to be useful for future reference. She coated her hands with lotion again, rubbing his shoulders and down his chest, his eyes merrily twinkling as her hands massaged his body. He did the same for her, moving deftly across her back between her defined shoulders, sliding his hands into the folds of her bikini, cupping her breasts as he thoroughly saturated her front.

"You're enjoying yourself a bit too much," she commented as he lingered, before reaching for more lotion to massage into her torso.

"I'm being diligent," he said mischievously, curving down the graceful arch of her ass, massaging her cheeks in slow circles. "You've always loved my attention to detail."

She flushed as his hands found more lotion, moving in deliberate angled movements up her legs and thighs, the edges of his hands brushing her sex through the flimsy material. She worked her way down to his legs, reaching up under his loose boxers, massaging in symmetry around his groin and thighs, feeling him harden against the silk.

He pulled her down into his lap as he sat so she was straddling him, she let out a small yelp of surprise. She dipped her hand in the lotion again, gently smoothing it into his face, her fingertips caressing his handsome features; the contours of his brow, his tattoo, the ridge of his lips. The lines on his face reflected all the time they had known each other and yet with all the passing years his ruggedness was as sexy as it had been the day she'd first laid eyes on him. He returned the favour as they basked in the intimacy. His strong hands gracing over her fine features, sweeping the line of her jaw, his thumbs following the curve of her cheekbones, the delicate crease of her eyelids. For a moment, time stood still, their hands holding each other's faces, coming together in a soft kiss as their lips brushed together.

"You're beautiful," he said appreciatively, "and I'm still pinching myself that I finally have you."

"I think we can both agree that it's been much longer than we're willing to admit," she responded shyly, tracing his swirls absentmindedly. She admired its intricacy, essentially mirroring her own with variations in the strong lines that stretched out over his collarbone.

Adria stood nearby, waiting patiently for them to notice him. Everyone was ready to begin.

They made themselves comfortable in the pool, and as the sparkling veil rose to encompass them, she caught his eye, "Love you."

He smiled, "Love you too."

It is time. Your memories are about to diverge, keep your focus on each other as you move through this rotation, it will give you the strength you need.

Adria's voice echoed in warning and Kathryn shivered slightly at his meaning.

She was on Voyager again, but it was unlike any Voyager she had seen before. Her mind reached out for Chakotay as she tried to adjust to being without him.

"What do you see Chakotay? All I see is darkness." She asked, trying to visualize him.

Chakotay snorted, "That's because that's all there is. What you're seeing is what I'm seeing. It's awful."

"Are you seeing Voyager?" Her words floated to him. "It's utterly depressing." His affirmation was clear in her thoughts.

She watched Janeway as she wandered through the ship, the eerie quietness struck a cord as she passed through the empty corridors. She shivered involuntarily as she made her way to the conference room, the remaining six crew members were waiting for her to come up with a plan. A plan to rescue Chakotay and Tom, a plan to survive, a plan that involved anything that wasn't giving up. As she climbed up the Jeffries tubes, Kathryn knew that she had absolutely no fucking clue how to proceed from here.

As the senior staff debated over which systems were priority repairs, Kathryn was proud to see them all throwing possibilities into the ring. No one could agree where to start...because everything needed to be fixed and it all seemed equally important. They finally agreed that Seven and Tuvok would work on life support and its connecting systems, Harry was to focus on the power grid and B'elanna and Janeway on the engines and command control. Neelix was in charge of keeping them nourished and assisting them when he could, while the doctor would monitor vitals and attend to any injuries.

"Dismissed," said Janeway sullenly. The task at hand was so enormous, she could barely wrap her mind around it. Her thoughts wandered to how the crew were doing out there on their own...and Chakotay and Tom? Were they even still alive? She had never fully realized how important Chakotay was to her beyond their friendship and the constant sexual tension that lay so close to the surface. The last few days without him though made her see how he'd become such an integral part of her life. She didn't know what it was like to not have him by her side, she had become used to his advice and counsel, and she wasn't sure if she'd like who she would become without him beside her. He had better still be alive.

Chakotay could feel her regret and her desire for him side by side, cutting through the darkness he was submerged in. It brought peace to his heart knowing how deeply she truly cared. As Kathryn's thoughts merged with his own, he breathed deeply. He would find a way back to her.

The weeks crawled by, conduit after conduit, repair after repair as the seven remaining crew members worked to stabilize the ship. Janeway cursed, as one system was brought back online, another failed. Their progress was slow, and her hope for Chakotay and Tom dwindled with each passing day. Between repairs, they were constantly dodging enemy ships and other phenomena, setting them back days of work as they defended themselves. They had taken their temporal shielding offline for the moment to evade another encounter with the weapons ship. Until they were ready, Janeway wasn't going to risk another conflict.

"Captain," Tuvok reported, "I have discovered a class 9 nebula a few hours from our position. It would provide some protection while we proceed with our repairs."

"Good job Tuvok," said Janeway, "Get us there as quickly as you can. We need some breathing space from the vultures that are circling us."

He nodded, hearing the edge in her voice. "You have been working for 10 hours straight Captain, perhaps a break may be in order?"

Janeway laughed softly, "and you know that Tuvok because you've been here alongside me. We both know that time is not on our side. I'll be alright."

Kathryn felt the exhaustion seep through her entire body, but she knew why she wouldn't stop, why she couldn't sleep. Her dreams were filled with images of dead friends, lost family. The memories of her tryst with Chakotay flashed through her nightmares as she struggled to hold on to him. The only activity that helped was trying to get themselves battle ready. This would be the only chance that she would have of reuniting her crew and honouring the memory of those she had lost. The rest was unimportant.

Kathryn could feel a stirring in her mind, Chakotay's focus had stayed with her to escape his days of solitude, interrupted by moments of scans and testing. No one on the Krenim ship would acknowledge him and he had felt very much like a specimen in the last few weeks. She could see through his foggy vision, flashes of their ship, and once a very angry and disturbed Tom Paris. Relief had flooded through them both knowing he was alright, but there was nothing else but questions that had gone unanswered.

Kathryn watched as Janeway finally retired to her ready room, blackened and damaged, unable to return to her quarters since her last visit. She sat in silence staring out the viewport, the nebula was visible now, and she hoped it was not a life form or something that would eat the ship. She reached around her desk to activate a side compartment that had been invisible to the naked eye. It was only accessible with her fingerprint. She reached in to withdraw a small viewer and some memory chips. They had been here for almost two years untouched.

Chakotay's questions lit up her thoughts, "I didn't know you had hidden compartments," he said curiously.

She smiled faintly, "That's because it was 'hidden'" nudging his presence with her humor.

Janeway ran her fingers over the chips, before selecting one, her face solemn and unreadable. Slipping it into the viewer, she prayed they had not been damaged.

Chakotay's smiling face filled the screen. Kathryn could feel her heart lift at the sight of him.

"Kathryn! Put that thing away."

"C'mon Commander, it's for posterity. Tell me what you're working on" her happy voice was in the background, content with amusement.

"No, you can't follow me around with that thing or you'll never find out." He said, walking away from her, as the screen followed behind him unperturbed.

"Give me a hint. Can I eat it? Is it alive? What are you doing??" She demanded. He stopped, his back still to her, then he turned and walked back to her, his handsome face filling the screen.

"I've already told you, I'm building something. If you turn this thing off and go away you'll have it by tonight," his warm brown eyes were full of promise.

The screen went blank, and Janeway's heart ached as she remembered the bathtub he had presented her back on New Earth.

She selected another one, trading out the chips in the viewer. The shelter came up on the screen, and then it began to move slowly and stealthily into the evening air. A hint of a smile appeared on Janeway as she remembered the evening like it was yesterday.

As the screen moved through the darkness, she could hear the splashes inside the bathtub as it crept closer. It paused behind a tree, seeking the best angle until it hovered down on her.

Janeway shrieked as she saw it, a blush creeping over her adding to the flush that the bath had already brought to her skin.

"Chakotay, you beast! I'm a bit busy right now!" Her embarrassment mixed with affection as she gazed up at him.

"Posterity Kathryn, isn't that right? Tell me, are you enjoying your bath?" Chakotay's voice came from behind the viewer, slightly husky at the sight of her.

"It's beautiful," she declared, her arms that had defensively moved to cover herself now stretched out languidly over the edge of the bathtub.

The screen quivered slightly. Her satisfaction evident in her wicked smile. She sat up slightly, the curve of her breasts rested on the edge of water.

"What are your plans for tomorrow? If it's nice maybe we should picnic?" Her voice was flirtatious and innocent.

"Sound good... Yes I love picnics, I get hungry..." Chakotay stumbled in response.

She stood then, haloed in the moonlight as the water glided down her firm breasts and flat belly. She dried herself slowly, the towel absorbing the glistening drops of water as it slide down between her breasts.

"Well we should get some rest then hmmm?" She smiled, blew him a kiss, and climbed out, sauntering naked back into the shelter.

The screen was shaking slightly watching her exit, before turning to face Chakotay.

"If you ever watch this Kathryn, know that I will one day get you back for that." He smiled at the screen, "you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

The screen went dark, and Janeway's eyes welled with tears. He never had gotten her back, they had run out of time.

"Captain!!" Kim came bursting into her ready room. She sat up startled, blinking back her tears.

"Harry, what is it?!" She looked around to see if she was missing something.

"There's a nebula on the ship," he said weakly.

She stared at him.

"A nebula? On the ship? Of course there is. Let's go Ensign." She said exasperatedly. She gathered the viewer and the chips, returning them to her desk, before following him out the door.

Chakotay's thoughts were loud in Kathryn's mind. "I forgot about those." He said. "I thought you left those down there." Kathryn shook her head.

"We came so close Chakotay, I wanted something to remember our time together there."

"How close..."

"Close enough, to share ourselves and our lives together. To embrace everything we couldn't have on Voyager." She whispered. "So very very close."

She watched as Janeway and Harry worked with lightening speed to repair the ventilation system. She could feel the burn and the strain in her lungs, her eyes stinging from the gas, her mind hellbent on her mission. Laughter suddenly filled her as she touched Chakotay's mind. "This isn't what I meant when I said I wanted to play in a nebula." He caressed her, enjoying her dry humor.

Janeway was back on the bridge after 12 nauseating minutes, her throat was raw and her chest was heavy as she checked in with B'elanna at conn. Frustration and determination flowed through her as she tried to push the physical pain from her mind. The doctor was behind her, scanning her and prattling on about getting treated. She ignored him.

Kathryn could feel herself unravelling, loosing her perspective. She was using the physical pain to block out the emotional one, to allow her body to feel everything in her mind. The doctor with all his rational thinking could never understand that her personal welfare no longer mattered, she couldn't stop. As they confronted each other and the trioxin was released into her system, she felt the weight release a bit, she noticed the concern in the doctor's eyes as he left her to her repairs. The hours passed as they worked in quiet, there was after all, nothing to say.

Suddenly there was a blinding light, and Kathryn realized it was Chakotay experiencing it as he was roughly pulled from the darkness. She focused on him and could see him moving through the halls of the Krenim ship. He was left in a room to clean himself up.

As he was presented to Annorax, Kathryn could sense his uneasiness. She reminded him of her presence, closing herself around him in reassurance. She watched their conversation with horror, as he divulged all the societies he had wiped out of existence.

"That man is beyond reason," she exclaimed. "You're doing a remarkable job keeping your cool."

"Showing him my true feelings wouldn't have helped. We are stuck on this ship," said Chakotay. His own anger mixing with that of his other self as he maintained his composure.

Kathryn smiled at Tom's sarcasm. "Clearly only one of you is succeeding." Her warmth for Tom grew as he voiced his contempt and his pride in her for having alluded Annorax these past couple months. "Have to love that boy..." She sighed.

"There is a complexity to Annorax that is beyond evil. It will be interesting to see how this plays out." Chakotay said guardedly.

Janeway returned to herself to find she had fallen into a fitful sleep on the couch in her ready room. Chakotay was given an actual room and finally being treated with some civility. As Chakotay sat down on his cot, she felt the conflict bubble back up as he wrestled with his conscience. Join Annorax in manipulating time to save Voyager, to save Kathryn, or deny him his help for the sake of the moral high ground.

She reached out with her love, allowing him to process the conflict. There was nothing easy about his choice but in a way the answer was obvious. He wouldn't refuse a chance to get her back, and he would do it with the most minimal repercussions possible. His devotion filled their hearts as he lay back to rest his weary eyes. She warmed at his concern for her, her gratitude echoing through them.

They were in the mess hall with only the emergency lamps and the light from the viewports to brighten the darkness. Kathryn watched everyone hide their disgust as they drank Neelix's 'elixir of endurance'. She mused at his Starfleet uniform - she never thought she'd live to see that day. Janeway's hardness was evident without Kathryn's connection as she ignored the others attempts to make light of the situation. As everyone rattled off their progress, Kathryn could feel her impatience boiling over. There wasn't months for repairs. There wasn't even weeks. It felt impossible. She empathized with herself, as she made the order to prepare to leave, ignoring the looks that passed between everyone and Seven's full fledged confrontation.

"I'm losing their confidence," she whispered sadly.

"No," said Chakotay firmly, "they're advising you, as they've always advised you. Seven just isn't capable of doing that tactfully. Their faith is absolute, they - "

"I can't blame them I guess," she babbled over him, "if I hadn't been so arrogant about keeping on this course..."

"Kathryn!" Chakotay's voice thundered through her. "I would have agreed with you. If I was there, I would have said the same thing."

"No, you would have gotten the hell out before it got this bad." She said meekly.

"You're tired, you're not eating anything except for ration cubes, you're traumatized, and ultimately? You're human. Yeah, you're a bit on the edge of nutty, but look at what you're carrying. The situation is what it is and you're making the best decisions you're capable of in this moment." His words were like a balm, attempting to assuage her doubts.

Chakotay focused his mind, searching for Adria, it was time to bring them back to the present for now.

 

********


	10. Survival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sexy dinner and stroll followed by another visit to the temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Approximately 180 days into Year of Hell with some liberties... As always.

The last rotation had taken its toll on Kathryn, and she was both mentally and physically exhausted. Returning to their chambers in the early hours of the morning, they had spoken little and she had fallen into a deep sleep that lasted through till the late afternoon.

She felt her body stir before her eyes opened. Memories, vivid and unyielding, slammed into her psyche. Chakotay had been awake for a few hours now and he watched her from a nearby lounger as she contemplated all that they had witnessed. He knew she would need her solitude to make sense of everything beforehand. Kathryn had a reputation for being her own biggest critic, and any attempt to intercede prior to her making her own conclusions would have fallen on deaf ears.

Kathryn had become keenly aware of Chakotay staring at her, seeing his expression as he kept his distance. He had always been adept at reading her subtleties. She flicked her eyes at him invitingly, and he disappeared for a moment to return with a steaming mug of coffee. A smile spread across her face as she inhaled the dark aroma.

"Where did this come from?" she asked with delight, sitting up to take the mug from him.

"I talked Adria into giving me access to his replicator. I thought something a bit more familiar would be good for you." He shrugged, but the concern was evident as his eyes searched her face. "You've been asleep for almost twelve hours."

She looked surprised. "Well I do feel well rested."

They sat together in silence as she drank her coffee. His hand interlaced with her free one as he watched her.

"When do we gather back at the temple?" she asked.

"Well...that's kind of what I thought we should talk about. You're pushing yourself incredibly hard. The pace we are moving at puts the body under considerable stress, and even Adria is concerned it's too much too fast." He spoke quickly before she had time to interrupt.

She said nothing at first, passing him her empty mug, the unspoken request on her face as she smiled at him. He chuckled, rising to refill her mug before settling back down beside her.

"I appreciate the concern Chakotay, I really do...and yes, it's a bit of a strain for sure. I mean, we've absorbed almost 4 to 5 months worth of memories? But I can't stop, I can't slow down. It's a lot to handle, but I need to finish this. You can understand that can't you?"

"Of course, but you know that we have time here, I don't want you taking on more than you can handle." He brushed away a stray hair that had fallen down her face.

She smiled at his tenderness. "I'm alright Chakotay, really. I do feel it; the choices I made, the consequences of those choices - it's hard to witness and that's what is truly affecting me," she admitted, "but taking it slower would only make it more difficult."

He watched her sip her coffee. She had always been resilient, capable of more than most, and she had proven that during the seven years she had commanded Voyager with minimal to no support outside of her crew. He still felt she was moving faster than she needed to, but he also believed she was extraordinary.

"The moment I feel you're at risk..."

"I will take a break," she said firmly.

 

*********

 

Dinner was in the Physision that evening, and an escort had been sent to bring them there as Dion and Adria were busy setting up the festivities.

A long flowing gown of fuschias and reds with matching bikini had been delivered for Kathryn beforehand. It draped down her back in low enticing folds, with long slits down both sides. Chakotay was handsomely attired in a dark silk tunic and matching pants. As the wind caught her dress, it billowed around her in a colourful cloud, revealing her toned legs and lithe frame.

These gardens were the largest that Kathryn had ever seen, a series of greenhouses connected together, and filled with beautiful vegetation that covered acres of land. She could see the structure extend out in various areas both above and below land.

Dion greeted them as they stood in the entrance way, waving them over to the terrace.

"You've made it in plenty of time!" She said, clearly excited by the bustle around her. "This is my favourite place on Candarii," sweeping her arm across the grounds. "We grow everything. These are the vegetable fields, we have orchards and groves of all kinds, and my absolute favourite are the gardens." She pointed as she spoke, her beautiful silver cloak flowed like paint around her.

She grabbed Kathryn's arm, whispering softly in her ear, "We will take the boys to the gardens after we eat, you two will love it there, it's exactly what you need to relax before your next rotation." She winked at her before slipping away to continue with the preparations.

Kathryn nodded in response, accepting some long stemmed glasses of nectar from a passing server. Chakotay took the glass she held out for him, surveying the inside of the greenhouses in amazement.

"This is amazing," he remarked.

"It is," she agreed, "it's not like we've never seen the concept before, but the sheer size of this place is mind blowing." She looked out over the fields; the beautiful rows of yellows, green, purples and reds stood out in contrast to one another, and workers were scattered through the crop as they tended the soil.

She slipped her hand into Chakotay's as he extended his arm to her. They made their way down to the groves in an adjoining greenhouse, walking amongst the manicured lawns, and taking in the sweetness in the air from the ripe and blossoming trees. There was a comfortable silence between them as they enjoyed their walk and each other's company.

The entire structure was made of glass, and the warmth and humidity clung to their skin as they weaved their way around the grounds. Kathryn paused on occasion to admire their surroundings, noting the engineering that must have gone into this facility to allow for the variety of plants and vegetation to grow so richly in such close quarters.

They returned to the upper levels as dinner was served. The exotic dishes were as spectacular as everything else they had eaten, and each course was more sumptuous than the one before. Kathryn couldn't be completely sure, but it was almost as if they had paid attention to what they had enjoyed from previous meals, and then adapted and enhanced those dishes to suit their palettes.

As the two ate, they were drawn into various conversations about the nuances of the civilizations that made up the United Federation of Planets. Kathryn found herself separated now and again, watching Chakotay across the room as they entertained and mingled with others. She found the discussions interesting enough, they were truly a curious society, but she found herself constantly drawn back to his mesmerizing eyes as they studied her from afar.

His eyes followed her, watching and drawing her motions with his gaze. She felt his gentle scrutiny as she conversed with Candarian officials. Her skin fluttered as his attention focused with every move; the line of her arm as she brought food to her mouth, the sleekness of her shoulders as she turned to address another new question, and the electricity flowed between them as they wordlessly danced across the room.

Dinner drew to a close, and Dion appeared by her side. "Have you eaten enough? Ready to explore a bit?" She asked, already taking her hand to lead her away from the crowds.

"I'm stuffed," Kathryn laughed, caught up in her eagerness.

They moved through the throngs of people before spying the two men over at one of the consoles. Adria's hands were animated as he explained how they simulated the complex environment inside the Physision.

Dion came up behind him, covering his eyes gently, while whispering something into his ear. His stoic expression relaxed as he turned to face her, clearly still enamoured with his wife centuries later.

"Whenever you're ready," he said smiling at her. Dion giggled, grabbing Kathryn's hand again as she pulled her towards the staircase leading down to the gardens. Kathryn caught Chakotay's questioning look, smiling and shrugging her shoulders in response as they followed after her.

"I rarely get the time to come down here," said Dion secretively, "my duties are extensive and moments like these are uncommon, and it really is the most beautiful place ever."

The long corridor led down beneath the surface into one of their many underwater domes, but this one was unique in how it branched off back into areas that almost floated on the surface.

Kathryn gasped as they stepped out into the central garden, the flowers and bushes covering the dome in vibrant splashes of colour. It was indeed beautiful, and all manner of exotic plants could be found as they followed the path behind Dion.

"The gardens take much more work to regulate and so there's quite a bit more segregation than you see above us. Each area is defined by specific settings. We have grown flowers and plants here that we've cultivated from across the galaxy and throughout space time. Some we grow for beauty, but most have properties that we have discovered are useful," said Dion, as they walked slowly through, her hand occasionally cupping the buds tenderly. One plant wrapped it's tendrils gently around her wrist in greeting as it glowed in response to her touch.

"I've never seen anything like this," breathed Kathryn, amazed. "This garden isn't just alive...I mean, it's really alive!"

"Yes," squealed Dion, "some of these plants are incredibly intelligent, they're all safe though. The carnivorous ones are in a different part of the Physision, they are more picky." Kathryn exchanged a grin with Chakotay, of course they were.

The next dome they entered was filled with bright red flowers. The air was thicker and visibly pink as the pollen from the flowers drifted around them. In the center was a moon pool similar to the one in the temple except much larger and without the decorative pillars. The pool was shaped like a funnel, the mouth narrowing towards the center as the pool deepened. The steam rose off the water, and clouds of pink mist billowed merrily above the surface.

"This flower has very versatile and distinctive properties," said Dion mysteriously, "take a deep breath, see how you feel in a few minutes."

"It's hot in here," commented Kathryn as she breathed.

"Yes, the niala love the heat," explained Dion, "we began cultivating it a few centuries ago, it was the only surviving life on a planet that no longer exists, it was a pleasant discovery..."

Dion and Adria beckoned them forward, both of them freeing themselves of their ceremonial cloaks, before wading into the water.

"There's a lot of swimming here, it's a good thing I like water," Chakotay whispered humorously into her ear.

"Most of the planet is covered in it," Kathryn's grin met his as they went to join their hosts. Chakotay helped her out of her dress, removing his own silks, before they entered the pool. Dion was floating in circles in the hot pink water, laughing and playing with Adria like she was a child again.

Kathryn loved their carefreeness and the strong heady fragrance that wafted around them. Chakotay wrapped himself around her, letting out his own joyous laugh as they splashed around in the pink clouds. The euphoria enveloped them both, and his strong hands began to roam over her body seeking pleasure and release. The mist was charged with sex, intoxicating and ethereal. Their lips came together hungrily, tongues lapping and twisting in their softness, oblivious to their hosts who were as equally entertained only a few feet away.

Kathryn tried to focus, drunk and aroused, fully aware that there was something else at work here.

"Chakotay," she groaned into his ear, "are you feeling this?"

"I am totally and completely feeling this," he murmured back, his lips on her neck. He could feel her pulse beating strongly beneath his lips and teeth, licking and grazing their way down to her collarbone.

"The flowers," she whispered weakly, bolts of pleasure shot through to her toes as Chakotay's mouth worked its magic.

"Beautiful flowers," he agreed, his hand slipping into her bikini bottoms, massaging her slowly.

"God," she gasped, "wasn't this supposed to be a diplomatic mission?" Chakotay's fingers had found their way inside her, and her pleasure felt amplified as her juices slicked over his fingers. He moved to rest above her, leaning her back against the incline of the pool, molding her delicate curves to the muscular contours of his body. Her pants urged him onward as he slid a third finger into her wetness.

"We are being very diplomatic," assured Chakotay, his mouth on hers again. "Our hosts are very pleased."

Kathryn could hear the sounds of their lovemaking echo through the dome, adding to her lust, and making her efforts to concentrate even more impossible. Dion cried out, an underlying growl hidden beneath her soft tones. Kathryn moaned at the sound, kissing him back, sucking gently on that full upper lip as another intoxicating wave riffed through her. This could definitely not go into her report, hell, she wasn't entirely sure what she would be able to report given the direction this visit had taken.

She turned her head slightly and could vaguely make out Dion's shape as it rose and fell. In sync with her movements, Adria's body was beneath her, supporting her frame. Chakotay watched her stare at the two youthful figures touching and caressing each other, his own desires revving at how drawn she was to them.

Replacing his fingers with his very hard cock, he began to move in and out of her, every stroke striking her like red heated irons. Her vision clouded, as she throbbed against him; slow soft and sensual, their bodies writhing together in a drunken stupor. She could feel her blood coursing through her veins, heating her skin, as her hands trailed down his sides to his hips as they thrust into her. She pulled him to her tightly, matching his strokes as they edged closer to release. Her eyes fixated on the other couple again as they fucked, and then back to Chakotay, her body pounding in response.

Chakotay's groans filled the air, mixing with Dion and Adria, and their combined voices spurred each couple onwards as the moaning and panting got louder and more incoherent. Kathryn moaned loudly as the sounds reached her ears, her consciousness spiralling, the excitement was ripe and palpable.

One of his hands slid up her back to grip her neck at the shoulder, while the other moved downwards to grasp her ass, closing the distance between them. His lips crushed against hers, authoritative and commanding, as he bent her body to his will. His strokes lengthened, setting her body on fire, and she succumbed to his control as he slammed her into the water. The growing heat gathered forcefully in her core coming to a frenzied explosion as hips and bodies slammed together in equal force. Flames and fire spread outward engulfing her in a roar that burned outwards in a blaze. She struggled for air, her breathing ragged and uneven as he rode through her spasms, the pleasure reaching almost painful heights.

She rolled him over so she was on top, the water cascading down her, dripping over his dazed face, the mist shrouding his vision. She allowed her mind to remember all those times she had wanted him and forced herself to stop, all the pent up passion that had fallen to the wayside in the name of duty. The memories took over and she rode him hard, gripping the edge of the pool, her knees tightening around his sides. His hands cupped her ass, fingers finding their way into her, pressing into her ass as she drove down mercilessly.

"God Chakotay," her voice drifted to his ears, and he eagerly met her needs, his fingers and cock stroking and kneading her in every direction. As she milked him, he sensed her rippling waves come closer together, placing his other hand between her legs, her clit rubbing against his thumb as she moved back and forth down his long length. The heat of the water, the drug induced arousal, the sounds of sex and passion brought her back over the edge once again in loud crashing moans bringing Chakotay with her.

The dome eventually quieted, and the mist continued to swirl mysteriously around them. Their heart rates returned to normal as they lay for some time just soaking in the mind numbing heat. She could make out Dion's shadow as it slowly materialized through the fog. Dion smiled at her demurely, flicking her eyes at the entrance in a motion to take their leave.

 

*********

 

The four of them stood on the glowing platform as they sped towards the temple. No one had elaborated on their activities in the dome, and Kathryn found they were quite nonchalant about it. Sex, pleasure, beauty, art, knowledge, time - it didn't matter what the subject was, there was nothing taboo, and it was all equally important and celebrated. Their heads had cleared quite quickly upon coming back to the surface, and Kathryn watched the last rays of daylight disappear below the velvety violet hues of the moon.

They entered the temple and were greeted by familiar Candarians. They had gotten used to the preparations over the last few rotations and began to get ready. Adria's hand came to rest on her shoulder.

"Chakotay mentioned that you had spoken about the pace?" he said.

"Yes Adria, and I'm grateful that you're both looking out for me, but I believe I can handle it," said Kathryn, touching his hand and squeezing it comfortingly.

"You exhibit strong emotional disturbances as you progress. I am concerned given what you'll be facing in the upcoming rotations. We have permission to take whatever steps we need to protect you?"

She looked surprised at his request. "Adria, of course you may."

Adria looked relieved at her understanding. She glanced over at Chakotay who was chatting with one of their doctors. "Don't worry Adria, I'm sure Chakotay will step in if he feels it necessary, I'm just eager to continue."

Adria bowed as he took his leave. Chakotay came to join her, the bowl of lotion in his hand.

"Okay?" He asked.

She nodded. "Always taking care of me hmmm?" He glanced at her as he began to apply the lotion, trying to determine if he had managed to set off that beautiful temper of hers.

"Always."

Her mouth curved slightly. "Thank you."

His face relaxed, and they worked to finish up as the elders moved to their places around the pool.

The field began to form in its blinding transparency. They squeezed each other tightly as they prepared for their return to the past.

_Be cognizant of yourselves. Your thoughts are as real as the present if you cannot maintain control. I am here with you._

Kathryn watched as Janeway worked busily on the sensor network. Her face was a mask as she worked to boost their output. Being in open space once again, Janeway's guard was up. It would be nice to know what was coming at you.

Chakotay was also preoccupied with equations as he was given a crash course in temporal science. His fingers darted across the device in his hand as his mind worked to familiarize himself with Krenim technology.

The monotony of their day to day was dreary, and Kathryn was once again glad to not have to live every moment of it. Janeway's thoughts were becoming more obsessive as time dragged on, constantly pushing the senior staff to speed up their repairs, but she had been at least somewhat satisfied that they were on the move again.

She was on the bridge with B'Elanna attempting to stabilize engine control after a near explosion with a coupling overload. She was sweating as she worked, her hands shaking from the concentration and the lack of rest and nourishment. She breathed deeply as she saw the readings come back into the green once again, patting the console affectionately.

"Good girl," she murmured.

B'Elanna grinned as she looked up from underneath the console.

The doctor appeared out of the corner of her eye, for once not scanning her or demanding incessantly that she get some rest. She paused to glance over at him as he leaned against the railing.

B'Elanna stood and brushed off her soiled pants. She was eager to get out of there, sensing the looming confrontation about to take place. "I'm heading back to Engineering to see what I can do about boosting power to the relays. I'll keep you updated." Janeway nodded an affirmative as she turned to the doctor. He was clearly not there because he was just bored.

"Yes doctor?" Her tone clipped as she fixed her I-don't-have-time-for-one-of-your-lectures stares at him.

"A moment Captain?" His voice equally firm as he returned her icy glare with his own I'm-about-to-lecture-you-whether-you-like-it-or-not face.

She sighed and indicated to her ready room. They could have just talked on the bridge, it's not like anyone was around to hear them, but the habit had become so engrained she had reacted before she had time to process that. Kathryn found the whole exchange incredibly amusing, she knew she was stubborn, and it had always been as much of a curse as it was a blessing.

"Yes doctor?" She asked again now that they had settled at her desk.

"How are you doing Captain?" He asked quizzically.

She gave him a hard stare. "Peachy doctor, isn't that obvious?" Her sarcasm apparent in every word. He avoided her eyes, which were hard and resistant to his efforts to comfort her.

"Captain." The doctors voice softened.

Her face went blank, falling into her hands. "I appreciate your efforts here doctor, but I can't talk about it." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

He strode over to her, taking a knee beside her. "I understand Kathryn." She looked at him, she couldn't recall if he'd ever called her by her first name before.

"I know you can't talk about it, I know that if you did I probably wouldn't be your first choice, but know that I'm here in case you're looking for a shoulder." The doctor looked around awkwardly. He had been working on defining the subroutines that helped him to understand human irrationality, and he felt he never could get them 100% accurate.

She squeezed his shoulder in response. "Thanks for the offer doc," her tone was official, but Kathryn could sense how close she was to releasing the torrent of emotions she had pent up inside her.

The doctor nodded and they both stood.

"Please understand I act in your best interests Captain, and remember that you only have a limited number of crew members available to you in the event you choose to deactivate me." He spoke efficiently, bringing a hypospray to her neck in lightening speed. Janeway's eyes widened in surprise before crumpling into the doctor's waiting arms as he caught her.

He lifted her gently and deposited her on the couch. He sighed deeply as he reached for his medkit and began treating her. Kathryn stared at herself muted, Chakotay's laughter ringing through her mind.

"You are kind of difficult," he said between guffaws, "I guess he figured it wasn't worth the argument." His humor was infectious and she found herself joining him.

"Well props to the doctor for having the nerve," she grinned.

Chakotay found himself on the Krenim bridge, and they watched as he tried his first attempt at restoring Voyager.

"Well, I'm glad that was just a simulation," she mocked, as 8000 civilizations ceased to exist.

"I guess manipulating space time isn't as easy as it seems," he said flippantly.

Kathryn listened to Annorax as he tried to rationalize himself. He was conflicted, but he truly believed he could correct his errors. She knew there was something missing from his declarations, something that had driven him for the last two centuries. Chakotay's agreement backed her train of thought. For all the attempts he had made, he should have come close enough to be satisfied with their progress. He was hiding something.

Her heart tugged at her chest when he compared his efforts to their plight to return to Earth. _The odds against you are astronomical - yet you keep trying._ Whatever his motivation, it would need to be equivalent.

She stayed with Chakotay as Annorax gave him a tour of the weapons ship. She had to admit she was impressed by how smoothly the Krenim commander tried to manipulate him, appealing to his sense of loyalty to Voyager and to her. He was very convincing, the awe of the temporal technology in itself magnificent, and she could sense Chakotay's shift as he felt more and more at ease working alongside him.

"He has a point," said her Chakotay, "with the technology he has at his disposal, perhaps there's a way to end this peacefully."

Kathryn's disagreement echoed sharply before she could catch herself, and she hesitated in her justification. She could feel his surprise at her vehemence.

"This is a violation Chakotay," she shook her head, "you know that. Temporal prime directive aside, you can't play with temporal science and be exact enough to predict all the outcomes. Annorax is playing god, and he has no right."

"He's already done the damage, we're just trying to fix it." He argued. "Who are we to say that isn't possible?"

She wasn't convinced. "I don't know, but I'll lay odds it isn't. Your empathy and compassion for others has always been strong, even when they don't necessarily deserve it." Her support continued to wash over him though as he continued to work on his equations.

Janeway woke, gingerly testing her limbs, as memories of the doctor's intervention came flooding back to her. She groaned. She did feel better though, so the doctor would stay active another day. She stretched, sitting up slowly.

Tuvok's voice came over the comm. "Communications have been re-established Captain." He reported in his usual rationale manner.

"Thank you Tuvok," she answered, "where do we stand with repairs?"

"Slow, but we are making progress. I'll keep you apprised, Tuvok out."

Kathryn watched as she forced herself to her feet. She was about to go check on B'Elanna when the door opened and Neelix came in, unusually excited as always. He was trying to be helpful, she reminded herself.

She felt that edge of irritation threaten to spill over, feeling herself take a breath, "yes Neelix..." She stared at him expectantly.

He handed her a steaming cup of...something.

"To reinvigorate yourself Captain! We wouldn't want our leader weak in times like this, drink this up and you'll feel right as rain!" His jovial expression was enough to make her want to slap him.

"Thank you Neelix," she said measuredly, quelling the urge to strike. "I'll see you later." Her statement pointed and final.

He bustled around a moment before recognizing her expression, "Of course Captain! Dismissed! I'll be off to assist the others!" He saluted before turning on his heel, the door closing behind him. Kathryn couldn't stop laughing as her counterpart swallowed the acerbic remarks on the tip of her tongue. Chakotay watched, amused by the hysterical gales of laughter that echoed through him.

"You always have something you don't say out loud, don't you?" He marvelled as she tried to calm down.

"Not always..." She sniffed, "not really..."

She sat at her desk, debating the benefits of the concoction she was holding before taking a small sip. Disgusting, but it was warm. She took another sip making a face, reaching to take out her viewer again.

She sifted through the chips, trying to recall the star dates, slipping one into the device.

The forest appeared on the viewer, moving through the trees as Janeway narrated her progress. She heard herself pause in her dictation after a few minutes, the viewer rustling through the trees and bushes before opening out into a clearing.

Chakotay looked up at the intrusion, clad only in his well fitted leggings, knee deep in the river. The viewer dropped turbulently as their voices came drifting through.

"Chakotay! I'm sorry, you're busy, I was just-" Her voice uneven as she stammered her apologies.

"You're always welcome Kathryn, I was just taking a break," the viewer had now fixed back on him, capturing his bronzed form as the sun and water glistened off of him.

"Come for a swim," he smiled warmly at her.

"I'm just finishing up, I'll go get my suit."

"Kathryn," he cocked his head at her, "why walk all the way back?" He walked towards her, his question full of meaning.

"You mean like..."her voice was tentative, unclear about his meaning.

"You have underwear on don't you?" His eyes twinkling, knowing exactly what she been thinking. The viewer tumbled again, the image flickering as Chakotay took it from her.

"I mean, if you'd rather just be naked, I'm totally ok with that too..."

It came to rest on her, her eyes flickering nervously at first before accepting the challenge. Well, mostly. She pulled her dress over her head, dropping it at her feet. Her black bra and panties stood out against her light skin. She pulled her hair from its braid, tousling it gently.

"Are you going to put that down?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

The screen went blank. Janeway sighed. That was a gorgeous afternoon, they had swam and chatted before returning to clean up the shelter. A few stray touches, some close encounters, somehow they had made it through the day without falling into each other's arms, but just barely.

Kathryn smiled as she watched herself reminiscing. Chakotay coughed, "I should have been less gentlemanly that day."

 She grinned, "well, if you'd responded to my flirtations like you did when you showed up at my quarters a few days ago, you might not have needed to wait seven plus years to have me."

His groan mingled with her laughter.

 

"Engines?" Janeway barked. They were on the Voyager bridge while imminent danger hurtled towards them...again.

"I'm doing my best," said B'Elanna exasperatedly.

_You've got to be kidding me._

Janeway explored her options as the meteoroid shower approached. Of all the things to end Voyager.... She made a split decision, her heart pounding once again. "I'll be in deflector control."

"Captain, that entire section has been designated hazard level four," warned Tuvok.

"I know," Janeway whispered. Kathryn sensed the dread turning in her stomach as she ran down the hallways. Chakotay felt her urgency and her fear, his concern and protectiveness active in her mind.

As she wrenched the doors opened, Janeway and Kathryn cried out together. The flames licked at the walls, and her nostrils filled with the acrid smell of melting plastic and charred metal. Kathryn could feel herself mentally debating the possibilities, rapidly crossing off what was out of the question, feeling the decision that was in her gut.

"Why do I get the feeling you're testing me Voyager?" She muttered to herself, her back against the wall, feeling the heat radiate out from the room.

"Bridge, there's a fire in deflector control, any luck with the engines?"

"The warp core is still off line." B'Elanna answered.

"Micro-meteoroid density is increasing." reported Kim.

"Dammit," hissed Kathryn, feeling herself make the choice. Chakotay felt it too, his panic was growing as he watched the scene unfold through her, unable to intervene. Kathryn felt his objection, loud and adamant as if he could possibly will Janeway to not throw herself into that room.

"The nacelle pylon is buckling," Kim warned.

"Bridge I'm going in, stand by to engage the deflector. Tell the doctor I'll be coming back with severe burns."

Kathryn watched herself, having felt the thought process, and understanding the choice. There were no other options here that could ensure the survival of the ship, they had come too far to be destroyed by a pile of rocks. As the heat hit her skin, she gasped in shock, she felt her body moving, surging on adrenaline as her fingers darted over the controls.

She could feel the flames lick around her hand as she worked. Her makeshift shield provided some protection but she could feel it heating up to unbearable temperatures. Her skin blistered, and the sound of her own flesh sizzled in her ears. Janeway grimaced as the pain seared through her, filling her senses. Screams and groans of pain filled the air before she realized she was the one making them. Janeway fought to maintain consciousness, working as fast as her mind would allow. With her last ounce of strength, she activated deflector control, her body giving out beneath her as she hit the smoky deck.

"Kathryn!" Chakotay's fear and anguish slammed into her, powerless in his attempts to shield her. "No!! Kathryn..." His mind drove frantically in circles as she screamed and cried out.

A million voices rushed into her head then, and she heard a thousand conversations and saw countless timelines. Everything occurred in a millisecond, washing over her like a cool wave. For that moment she understood everything and nothing at all. She saw her past, present and future solidify and she was everywhere. As she examined herself in that moment, her certainty was solid and confident. Strong forces gathered around her as a barrier was erected between her mind and the flames that engulfed her. The cool assurances of the Elders calmed the fire that coursed through her. Adria's presence pulsed in her psyche, and she struggled to bring herself back into balance.

_Kathryn. Focus on my voice. Follow me back._

She groaned, trying to follow his thoughts through the chaos and carnage in her mind. Chakotay was there beside her, drawing her close and guiding her back.

She opened her eyes, shaking uncontrollably. Chakotay was holding her to him, lifting her from the water. Their eyes locked and she felt his strong presence hold her steady.

"It's ok Kathryn, I've got you." He carried her from the pool, placing her gently on some blankets.

The Candarians worked quickly, treating the burns that had appeared on Kathryn's arms, face and hands. Chakotay stood back quivering, his heart still pounding in his ears as the danger subsided.

"What the hell was that?!" He shouted, whirling to find Adria. The fury on his face could have burned down the temple.

"It's alright Chakotay, please calm down," Adria placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Sit down and I will explain. She will be alright."

   
**********


	11. Truth and Circumstance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More memories both old and new

Chakotay sat, visibly shaking, and unable to tear his eyes away from Kathryn's still form. The doctor had finished repairing the damage to her arms and hands and was now running his instrument in circles over her cheek and temples.

Dion came to him, grasping his hand in hers, clearly aware of how distraught he was.

"She will be okay Chakotay," she soothed.

His eyes were hollow, tears threatening to spill over, "that was the most horrible experience I have ever had. There was nothing I could do, I felt everything, and there was nothing..."

Dion nodded, squeezing his hand gently in acknowledgement.

The doctor looked up at Adria who was watching over Kathryn. He had a hypospray ready, waiting for a nod to proceed. Adria motioned to Chakotay to join him beside her, indicating to the doctor to wake her.

As the drugs were released into her system, she gasped, choking on the invisible smoke as she flailed to shield herself. Adria grasped one of her hands and leaned into her.

"Breathe Kathryn, you are back in the present, you're alright." Her frightened eyes darted around, registering her surroundings. Her raspy breathing began to slow as she focused in on Chakotay. He grabbed her other hand, pulling her upwards. She clung to him tightly, burying her head into his shoulder, choking and sobbing slightly.

They stayed that way for awhile. The others moved away to give them some privacy, busying themselves with cleaning up and gathering some food and drink.

Chakotay's grip was strong, almost bruising in the way that he held her.

"You scared the shit out of me," he whispered.

"Me too," she smiled faintly. "I could hear you, I could feel your pain alongside my own. It was almost worse than the burns." She cupped his face in her hand.

"You're okay?" His voice cracked, his eyes glistening as they searched her face.

"I'm okay." She whispered reassuringly. "Everyone came to me; the elders, Adria...you... all of you protected me and brought me back."

He kissed her tenderly, his love for her warm and moist from his lips, slowly letting go of the fear that had gripped him so tightly.

Helping her to her feet, they went to join Dion and Adria on the cushions. They were conversing quietly as the two approached, heads together as they sat side by side.

"Kathryn! Please sit and have something to eat," said Dion warmly, her voice filled with relief.

Kathryn smiled and reached for some fruit, her stomach rumbling in anticipation.

Adria handed them goblets of the red liquid they had grown accustomed to before seating himself back beside Dion.

"How are you feeling Kathryn?" He asked, helping himself to food as well.

She nodded between bites, Chakotay smiled as she grinned slightly, her mouth full.

"Really I'm quite alright, thank you. Your doctors did an amazing job," she shakily, indicating her fully repaired body. "And what you did in there...I mean, it was amazing. I've never felt so...alive and...aware. Is that really what it's like to be you??"

He chuckled at how animated she had become. "Yes I suppose in a way, you had 8 others involved as well. We are always able to repair the outside, it's everything else that may take more time." He spoke meaningfully, his eyes piercing hers in his efforts to convey the gravity of his words.

She paused, aware that everyone was staring at her, "it wasn't a pleasant experience," she admitted. "It was outright scary, and Chakotay's fear and my thoughts alongside that made it even more so."

"Adria and I have talked, and we understand if you do not wish to continue. This experience was meant to illuminate certain things for you, not to damage you."

"No," said Kathryn firmly, looking at them both squarely. "Unless you are adamant you will not continue, I want to finish this."

Chakotay's hand slid into hers, and she glanced sideways, smiling at him. He regarded her carefully before sighing in agreement, "she's a tough one to argue with."

"It is an unusual occurrence," Adria said delicately, "but it has happened on occasion where one of our own loses their sense of...equilibrium. There is a danger of becoming...confused...where their place in time is no longer clear to them. The mind makes the thoughts real, that's why the burns on your skin became a reality. You have not had the training you need to separate what happens during the rotation. Given we know so little about human exposure to how we experience space time, you understand why I am hesitant?"

"Do you feel that I am in danger Adria?" Her expression relayed her concern.

"I feel that it is a possibility," he said evenly, "and I urge you move forward with caution. The elders and I have considerable control, you just witnessed that, but I would still like to spare you any unnecessary pain or further trauma."

"Of course," said Kathryn, "I will take whatever measures you feel would be helpful."

 

  
**********

  
On Adria's advice, they had taken some time away from the temple to reset and Kathryn had found it rejuvenating. As they waded back into pool of she shuddered a bit, stumbling slightly. Chakotay looked at her questioningly, grabbing her arm as she pitched forward.

"I'm okay." She winked at him.

As the haze began to take hold, she breathed deeply, feeling that familiar lifting sensation.

Her eyes fluttered open and she saw the doctor standing over her. Her muscles creaked stiffly as she sat up, listening to the doctor describe her injuries. Kathryn examined herself, a bit taken back by how she seemed to have aged in an instant, red angry scars graced her face and hands. She looked tired and there was something else. She searched her feelings, trying to decipher what she was sensing. A deep wave of indifference and disappointment washed through her.

Kathryn realized that she had not expected to survive. She had believed she was going to die once she had thrown herself into that fire. The sensation was odd and foreign, she never gave up. As the doctor and Janeway exchanged words, the grudging acceptance began to form as the desire to push forward re-established itself. Kathryn smiled as he quoted Starfleet regulations to her, his demeanour awkward and stilted, yet incredibly endearing. Her own doubt and cynicism rang through her, knowing the unlikelihood she would ever have to worry about the admiralty again.

"We were so lucky," she said, feeling Chakotay looking on with her, "we encountered all kinds of alien races and obstacles and somehow we emerged from the other side. How easily this could have become our end..."

"We had a good captain."

"A good command team," she corrected him, "a good crew, a state of the art ship. We were lucky."

Back on the Krenim ship, Chakotay was working on his temporal equations again. Everytime he made a change he managed to annihilate another race or change the landscape of star systems for light years around them. He threw the PADD down in frustration, taking a deep breath. It had been almost three months since they'd been taken from Voyager and he felt no closer to getting back as he did the day they started. He groaned, standing and stretching, feeling the tension begin to subside. He would analyze successful incursions, it could provide some insight.

They watched him stew over the equations, his mind growing more frantic as he tried to unravel the past few months.

"It's an unsolvable puzzle," said Kathryn, feeling his angst as he watched himself work.

"No puzzle is unsolvable," he replied, "unless it was designed that way."

"And it hasn't occurred to you that maybe this may be the case?" She questioned, a mere hint of sarcasm in her tone.

He nodded. It had very much occurred to him, but he knew he would not stop, not so long as there was a chance.

 

  
Janeway had retired to her ready room after assuring everyone she was fine. She was not fine. The inimitable Kathryn Janeway now drew only upon instinct and survival that she was no longer recognizable. She retrieved her viewer from her desk, the only solace she had found since this whole disaster had begun, settling herself on the couch. What she wouldn't give for a privacy lock right about now. Thankfully, everyone had sensed her need for solitude and had gone their own way.

She sifted through the chips, trying to remember which ones she hadn't accessed yet. Her mind was now tired and unfocused as she found the one she thought she was looking for.

The night sky light up the screen, shooting stars flying across from right to left. Janeway could hear them chatting in the background as they discussed the various examples of spacial events in history.

The screen went blurry before settling on Chakotay stretched out on the soft grass. 

"Tell me a story about the stars." Her voice drifting in from behind the viewer, happy and playful.

Chakotay's brow furrows. "I don't know any..."

"Please..." her voice taking on that sexy and alluring note when she was determined to get her way.

Chakotay laughed. "Well, there's one, it's from ancient earth, but I have a price."

"Mmhmm, and what might that be?"

"A kiss. A deep sultry knock your socks off--"

"I get it Chakotay," she said dryly. There was a long pause before she spoke again, her throaty tones tentative but assured, "Tell me your story, and then I'll make you forget your name."

He sat up on his elbows, that gorgeous grin of his filled the screen.

"On ancient earth, they used to map the stars. One of those sets of stars was a cluster of three that formed a triangle. There are variations, but my favourite version tells of a celestial goddess that falls in love with a mortal. The pairing was forbidden and so they kept it a secret, fearing retribution in the event that they were discovered. When her father learned of their relationship he became enraged, and placed them in the sky separated by a celestial river, doomed to live apart forever."

The viewer shifted slightly as he took her hand, gently tracing the lovers and the arch that represented the river and the third star.

"The sky gods took pity on them, allowing them one night a year to revisit their love. So on the 7th night of the 7th moon, the gods created a bridge of magpies for them to come together, to love one another despite the vast expanse between them." The screen held him steady, his stare hypnotic, expressing the meaning behind his words.

"The path across the river was treacherous, and the water often turbulent, they did not always make it..."

His voice trailed off as he stared intently at the screen. Janeway almost felt as if he was staring right through it. 

The screen went blank and Janeway closed her eyes, her thoughts drifting back to happier times. The sky and the stars had never again looked the same.

"Do you remember that kiss?" She asked, steamy images flashing through their minds.

"It took everything I had to stop," he recalled, "you were incredibly proud of yourself."

"You were never meant to stop..." Her implication vividly accentuated, as her wicked laughter chimed in his thoughts.

His groan could have woken the gods themselves.  
  
  
They followed Janeway and Neelix down a barely discernible corridor as he worked on a PADD to document their needed repairs.

"33, 34, 35...and that fluidic converter needs to be purged," ordered Janeway.

"Right..." murmured Neelix, as he contemplated what a fluidic converter did or looked like.

"The gravitational plating in this room has buckled," said Janeway briskly.

"Chakotay's quarters," that familiar sadness washed over Kathryn whenever his name came up.

She stopped in her tracks, images of late night dinners and long conversations flashed through her. Making her way through the room, she scanned with her tricorder, following its readings. Clearing through the wreckage, she trembled at what she saw. There was her birthday present, as beautiful as it was the day he had presented it to her.

"You disobeyed orders," she whispered.

Kathryn was drawn to her moment, as the two came together in similar thoughts for the man that they both knew they loved beyond reason.

"Captain?"

"Chakotay gave this to me five months ago...a birthday gift...I ordered him to -" her voice caught in her throat, unable to finish. Regret and torment flooded through her as she remembered how callously she had behaved. Kathryn balked at the magnitude and clearness of her remorse, the burden she had carried all this time burying her under its weight. She always knew losing Chakotay was a possibility, but to feel it so intimately was a reality she was not prepared for.

Chakotay was suspended for a moment as her emotions cascaded through him, each torrent of pain unleashing a grief so raw and desperate that he was awed at how calm she appeared. The echoes of her crested and swelled, eventually dying down, and he now knew why she had held him at bay all those years.

"How could you have felt that way about me all these years and managed to hide it so well?"

"It was the only way to focus on the goal. Tuck it away in that deep dark part of me. To have lost you...well you can see how it would derail me." Her thoughts drifting back to him as they looked on.

Janeway stood, fixing it through the loop at her waist, turning to Neelix, "What do you think?"

"Handsome," said Neelix, not quite understanding its significance but knowing it was important nonetheless.

"Come on," she said quickly, her mask back in place. 

 

  
Kyana Prime.

They watched Chakotay move swiftly through the temporal scenarios, his mind whirling with the significance. Kyana Prime was the key, somehow it held meaning for Annorax, and Chakotay was determined to find out why.

As Chakotay went back to his calculations, Tom flew in, excitedly sharing with him all he had learned. As the conversation grew into disagreement, Chakotay was surprised at how strongly he defended the Krenim's motives. He had not realized how caught up he had gotten in the possibility of righting the wrongs of the last few months.

Kathryn observed them silently. She had seen the obsession grow, though she knew what was driving Chakotay to find a solution. She could not fault him for sympathizing with Annorax, and she had come to agree that he was more than just a psychopathic mass murderer. Chakotay was resistant to acknowledging how much he had been swayed, but he was not altogether wrong about his character.

Chakotay could sense her skepticism despite her efforts. "What's bothering you."

"Nothing, it's just...you're always trying to solve everything--"

"What's wrong with that?" His temper rising slightly at the accusation.

"Nothing is wrong with that...but it's not the first time you've ignored your sensibilities to come to the aid of others with questionable motives." Her scathing words shooting through him.

His thoughts went silent as he tried to infer her meaning. A striking image of Riley Fraser flashed briefly.

"Nevermind," she said, the thoughts clearing as quickly as they had appeared. "Your willingness to help others can bias you, that's all I'm saying. None of us are immune to that."

The alerts went off, pulling them from their own thoughts as they followed Tom and Chakotay to the Krenim command. Kathryn could sense the adrenaline surging through him as Annorax wiped out the Ram Izad with a single word.

The confrontation that ensued provided the final piece of the puzzle. Chakotay's horror swelled throughout him as he implored Annorax to consider his actions. Annorax continued to blather on about time and it's mood, justifying his position in his selfish desire to regain his family.

Kathryn found his excuses inrreconcilable, yet her heart understood his yearnings beyond her mind's rationale. Would she have been able to let go if she were in that position? Chakotay had always understood the heart better than she, and it was that balance that had solidified their command. Apart, it was like half the mind trying to bring clarity to the chaos.

Their thoughts combined as he felt her revelations alongside her. He had been shaken by Tom's harsh words, knowing deep down that it had bothered him for a reason. They watched together as Tom and the other Chakotay finally made their choice. They would transmit their coordinates, taking the temporal core offline while Janeway attacked from Voyager.

"That is, if the Captain is still alive." Tom pointed out.

"She's alive..." His voice full of conviction.

"And, give Kathryn my best."

The devotion and loyalty that had managed to withstand the tests of time hummed with life, drawing them in as they opened their eyes.

   
*********

 

  
They had retired to their chambers earlier than usual after the last rotation at the temple. Kathryn had found herself slightly perturbed and not quite sure what to do with herself. There was a ton of work to get done, but for once she was not eager to immerse herself in reports and reading.

Chakotay had fallen in love with some type of fruity mousse from dinner earlier and had gone in search of more. A young girl had finally shown up with a large bowlful. Chakotay had chatted with her at the entrance as she had stared at him adoringly while stroking his chest and Kathryn had almost needed to shove her out of the room. Chakotay watched as she stalked out to the terrace upon shoving his dessert into his hands, clearly sensing that something was amiss.

She sank into the hotness of the bath as it bubbled gently around her. She stared up at the glittery night sky, remembering how not so long ago, that was the only view available to her. Chakotay came out, settling in a chair beside the river with his giant bowl of mousse.

"Bite?" He offered, holding out a spoonful. She shook her head in response, laying back in the water again, gazing out at the beautiful view.

"Kathryn, if I didn't know better, I would say that you were jealous."

"Don't be ridiculous. She was just far too friendly." She snapped, splashing around.

"Right...that's what I'm talking about."

Kathryn's eyes stayed fixed on the stars, pretending not to hear him.

"Has there been anyone else?" He asked, staring into his bowl of mousse. She sat up slightly.

  
"Anyone else?" She repeated, unsure of his meaning. "Since we got back? Of course not, I would have told you." She was a bit startled by this line of questioning. She knew she shouldn't have been, he had asked nothing since his appearance a few days ago.

"Since we've met," he clarified, looking sideways at her.

Her face went crimson in the darkness.

"Umm, I think we both know the answer to that question," she said nervously.

He stared at her, a smirk flashing across his face.

"Come here".

She climbed out of the water, shivering slightly in the warm breeze, and walked over to where he was sitting in his lounger, her glistening naked body in full view of him. He pulled her down between his legs so that her back was snuggled into his bare chest.

"You've been with other men, so why the outburst?" He asked, his hand gently trailing through the beads of water that had gathered on her chest.

"She was just being...annoying."

"The other outburst..." He said purposefully.

She knew he was referring to her reference to Riley in the temple, "I was just pointing out that you get emotional. You've had your own flirtations over the years too," She said tightly, feeling her old defensive instincts kick in.

"Jaffen?" He asked. "That wasn't just flirtation, you were fucking him." His hand closed around her breast at that statement, twisting her nipple between thumb and forefinger. Her sharp intake of breath was the only sign of her response.

"Yes.." She said, irritated by the direction the conversation was heading, "but it wasn't like I knew who I was, did I? With Riley you acted at the time like you had just become close, like you were concerned, but there was more than that wasn't there," she said accusingly, her pulse quickening as he continued to fondle her. His hands were like magic, and her skin was tingling for more.

"Riley was nothing, she was nice but I didn't move in with her and fuck her on a regular basis," he whispered, biting gently on her neck.

"Kellin? That ambassador from Cirroq? " She moaned softly, her hands reaching behind her to stroke his hardness.

"Dalliances," he murmured. "I'm not a monk."

"And Seven?" Her voice changed pitch just slightly, a tinge of venom in her huskiness.

"I was flattered by the attention," he said softly, "I had convinced myself you had written me off, and I craved some comfort. Maybe it was thoughtless, but when she expressed her interest, it had just been a long time." One hand began to trail down her center, soft featherlight touches as he made his way south. She trembled, feeling a flood of stickiness between her legs. She wanted him so badly. She'd had more sex in the last few days than she'd had in years, but it was still shocking how quickly she could get turned on again.

"Kashyk?" He asked.

 She swallowed hard, "that was for the sake of the mission, I couldn't allow him to get suspicious." She squeezed and pumped his shaft tightly, hoping to distract him. Curling her fingers around him, she wet her hand with the moisture oozing from his tip, using its slipperiness to guide her efforts.

"You fucked him for the sake of the mission?" He mocked her, easing his fingers into her slick folds. "How did he touch you? Did he make you come?"

She groaned, dread filling her stomach, not wanting to get into details. "I did what was necessary Chakotay, nothing more," she said tumultuously, hoping it was enough to satisfy his questions. Her hips began to sway against his hands as he covered her clit with her juices. Her discomfort mixing with arousal and desire.

"I don't believe it was duty. You wantedhim, everyone could see that. I knew when you were with him, security informed me when you pulled them off their detail, did you enjoy it?" He spoke into her ear, his languid seduction sent chills down her spine. Long powerful fingers filled her entrance as he palmed her clit.

"I...it was..." She moaned again, wriggling against him as his excitement smeared her back. Her hands working over him steadily, desperate to change the topic.

"You were?" He pressed, driving his fingers further into her, wet warmth dripping down her thighs. The fullness of him moving inside her sent flutters through her center. His fingertips stroking her from the inside out, finding those sweet spots that enveloped her in evocative self indulgence. Her pants came in long uneven breaths as her thighs quivered and ached.

"Yes, it felt good, to have a man look at me that way again, a man I could actually have. All I had been for years was a captain to our crew, and despite his betrayal, he saw me as more than that. We fucked for hours, is that what you want to hear?" She bucked against him, craving more contact. Her hands joined his, pushing him into her forcefully.

"I went crazy that night, knowing he was touching you," he whispered, "imagining the pleasure you were feeling from another man's touch. I all but strode into his quarters and pulled him off of you."

His fingers moved quicker, plunging into her depths, gliding easily through her copious wetness. His other hand guided her fingers to her clit, moving with her as she stroked herself vigilantly. He felt her wrench against him, a deeply provocative sound coming from the back of her throat.

"You belonged to me," he continued, "no one could make you feel as good as I could. Tell me Kathryn, did he make you come like I have?" His words provoked the intended result, her body stoked and inflamed.

"No..." She moaned hoarsely, "nothing like you." She stroked her clit, enjoying the velvety smoothness as he continued to torment her. He was mesmerized by her splayed out before him. Her fervor brought colour and vibrance to her pale skin, and her body dried quickly as her temperature rose exponentially. Wet hair plastered to his chest as her fingers moved expertly over herself, working from muscle memory. She exploded fiercely, the warm honey sensation emanating through her, electrified from their combined touches.

He lifted her hips, sliding his hard shaft between her sopping folds, as he slid along her slit. She ran her hand up the underside of his sensitive shaft, lubricating him as she went.

"And when he fucked you Kathryn? Did he take you from behind? Did you ride his cock until you came?" He asked tauntingly.

"He...from behind..." Her voice ragged. "It was easier not to look at him, I could think of you, imagine--"

He slid slowly into her as she spoke, sitting up to grind herself down on him. She grabbed his thighs for support as she rode him, her body arching at the foreign angle.

"Did you think of me when he fucked you? My cock ramming into you? Slapping that gorgeous ass of yours as you leaked all over me?" His voice grew tense as he thrust upwards into her, his ego slightly inflated at the thought.

She cried out, his words bringing dirty images to her mind, her hips shifting back and forth in a frenzy as the ache in her pounded. The memory of Kashyk and her evening with him brought a fire to her belly as she remembered her combined contempt and desire for him. That night, she had shed her Starfleet persona and brought out that dark, slutty side of herself as she did things she had never dreamed she could do. She had known her passionate night had not gone unnoticed by her first officer, and she had derived a certain level of satisfaction knowing how it had bothered him. Her voice was lost, squeezing him while he throbbed inside of her.

He grabbed her hips roughly, "Answer me." He demanded, coming up into her as far as his length would allow. She could feel his resentfulness in every powerful stroke. She groaned at his request, forcing herself to formulate the words.

"Yes, I thought about you, I imagined your face and your touch..." She groaned again as he thrust upward, "I came over and over again imagining your head was between my legs..."

He pulled her off of him roughly, turning her body towards him, "Come here."

She inched up his body as he pulled her to him, his hands cradling her asscheeks as his tongue dove into her dripping wetness. She shoved herself into his face as he licked and sucked on her, revelling in her taste. As he came down hard on her clit, she dug her nails into his shoulders, her legs tightening around his head. He grunted at the pain, only pausing to suck her harder as she spasmed around him.

"Is this what you fantasized about?" His words echoing up from between her legs.

"Yes," she muttered under her breath, "I fucked you that night the only way I could." She said fiercely, the double meaning of her words emphasized by the desperate pitching of her hips as she savoured his talented tongue, swirling in dramatic patterns.

"What about you? You've taken advantage of every opportunity to bone whoever has paid attention to you." She said harshly, grinding down on him, her voice catching as he wrapped her in his hot mouth. The slippery wet heat between her legs was amazing, she almost came all over his face.

"And just to drive that blade in a bit further, you decided Seven would be your latest conquest, a girl that is essentially a child! Someone I had taken time to mentor!" She spat, gritting her teeth as his tongue drilled deep into her, swirling around her insides.

He stood, flipping her down on her back, towering over her, his face shiny and stormy. He bent to kiss her, and she grimaced a bit at the taste of her on him. Their tongues duelled for leverage as they both fought for control of the other.

"But you're not jealous?" He said, raising an eyebrow. She pressed her lips together, pushing her way out from beneath him, walking away to look out over the quiet city. He watched her thin silhouette leaning on the rail.

"Not jealous, maybe something else but not that," her voice carried over the breeze as he came up behind her. She turned to look up at him from under those long lashes.

"Everytime you found someone to share yourself with, you drifted further away. I couldn't stop you, it wouldn't have been fair, not without crossing that line that we both agreed to maintain."

"It's different now." He pulled her to him and dropping to his knees while she wrapped her legs around him.

"Different how?" She asked, her eyes yearning for some peace to his question, feeling him slide smoothly back into her. The rushed tingling rising as he flexed and rippled with her.

"We're destined, haven't you been paying attention?" he murmured, pressing her up against the glass as their lips came together again. He crouched, holding her weight easily as he rocked her into the panel.

She held him tightly to her, feeling the luxurious ache return as warmth swept across her skin. It was a delicious feeling in combination with the cool glass against her back as they climbed again together towards bliss. Everything she needed was in her arms.

 

  
*********


	12. Fighting Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn and Chakotay complete their final rotation before returning to the present.

"Focus!" Dion commanded.

The two women were sitting across from one another cross-legged in the theatre.

"I am focusing!!" said Kathryn, her frustration apparent as she threw her hands in the air. "This is not working." She got up to stretch her legs, pacing back and forth across the gray room.

"You can do this," Dion encouraged, her voice softening at Kathryn's distress. "You need to stop willing with your mind. You can't force the barrier, you must create it, nourish it, allow your bodies' energy to generate it."

Kathryn stopped pacing for a moment to turn, smiling at the earnestness of her words. "Right, because I haven't already been trying to do that..." she sighed loudly, dropping back down in front of her.

Their eyes met, and Kathryn could feel Dion coming at her, the theatre filling with a cold chill that reached through to the bone. As the flurry of wind and ice surrounded them, she closed her eyes, attempting to block the invasion. Relaxing her muscles, she tried to envision the barrier as Dion had suggested, a barrier similar to the one that had protected her during the fire.

The chill stole over her, and she shivered violently as she tried to block the frigid air ploughing around her. She could feel moments of warmth that kept her from freezing her ass off but she couldn't shut it out, the winds always overriding her in gales and currents. They sat for what felt like hours before Dion sighed and the room returned to its gray state.

Kathryn threw herself back, haphazardly sprawled out across the floor in defeat. Dion studied her for a moment before shifting to lie beside her.

"You've always been a strong person Kathryn, it must be hard for you to let go," she remarked casually, rolling onto her side.

"Not always, but yes, I guess mostly. When we were stranded I felt so much rested on me. I've always been pretty head strong," she stared at the ceiling, sensing the implications.

"Control has always come naturally to you, it's what has made you such a good leader."

"I've made my mistakes. I mean, I've always acted to protect others, or at least what I believed was the greater good at the time. Best intentions and all that. Granted I've been wrong, but I've tried."

"I didn't say infallible, you've led even when you weren't intending to, but you've erred as well. That fallibility is apart of your leadership." Dion raised up a bit, resting on her elbow.

"Stop trying to control, allow all of yourself, even the aspects of you that you feel are weak into the equation."

Kathryn sat back up again, sliding her legs beneath her. "Alright Dion, let's try again."

Dion nodded her approval, tossing her long silver hair over her shoulder as she repositioned herself.

"Slight change of scenario," she murmured. The room cast into darkness, the room began to echo with screams. Screams of pain and fear, terrifying and guttural as they wailed and cried out. Kathryn jolted as she felt it tear through her.

"Protect them." Dion said, her eyes intent, glowing like coals as they zeroed in on her.

Kathryn sat frozen as the sensations came at her, her alarm and panic growing rapidly as her mind raced to find the solution. Dion gripped her hands tightly, pulling her up on her knees.

"Focus Kathryn, on yourself, your being. Trust who you know you are and protect them," she said urgently, her mouth was centimetres away from her face.

Kathryn breathed. The voices were familiar, she knew them somehow as they echoed throughout her. They were the voices of her past, the ones she loved, the ones she had sworn to protect, even the ones she had failed. She gathered herself and focused, her thoughts flashing through the uncertainty and guided by her protectiveness. Following her instincts, she stretched herself, projecting a blanket across the darkness that enfolded her.

Slowly the voices began to strain and shift. Slowly, ever so slowly, the room fell into silence. Kathryn opened her eyes. Dion smiled at her, brushing her nose gently with her own, "Yes."

Kathryn sat back on her ankles, grinning slightly and quite proud of herself.

"Excellent. Again."

   
**********

 

It had been days of training, and Dion had thrown countless scenarios at her. She had spent hours in the theatres with Dion until she had learned to focus her barriers inward while Chakotay had worked with Adria. They had all gathered back together in the evenings for dinner and light conversation, and Kathryn had come to enjoy the routine nature of their days. They were about to enter their last rotation, and Adria had been adamant that they develop some techniques prior. It had alarmed her a bit at his insistence, but she trusted he had his reasons.

Things with Chakotay had also fallen into a familiarity that she had grown to adore. They had said little after their night of confrontations, one that she was sure would repeat itself in varying forms as time went on. It was comforting to know that as Chakotay had predicted, they would get to it all in time. The acceptance of how they had hurt each other over the years, both personally and professionally, had provided the path to healing, and that was one step in the right direction.

She stepped into her dress, pulling the slinky silver material up over her shoulders. The sheer velvety fabric caressed her in all the right places, tying the knots that secured it firmly along her side.

Chakotay lay on the bed watching her get ready, silently observing the slight woman who was lost in her own thoughts. He had known that getting through to Kathryn would be no small task. There was no question of their love, it was the rest that tormented her so deeply. Their time on Candarii had provided him with a glimpse of her that he would never have hoped to see, and he was grateful for the experience. She was so much more vulnerable than he had ever given her credit for. He always knew there was more beneath her tough exterior, but to feel it the way he had over these last few days had been an incredible gift, and he loved how things had progressed.

Her hand on his thigh brought him out of his musings, soft and gentle as it inched upwards.

"Hey you," she said appreciatively, "you look good in those," indicating his matching outfit.

"Nowhere near as stunning as you," he returned, pulling her into his lap.

"Are you ready for this?" She asked, cocking her head at him slightly as she ran her fingers lightly over the intricate designs on his chest.

"Yes, I think so. I've gotten the impression it will be quite intense, hence all the preparation we've had, but I trust Adria." He looked at her hand as it traced the silver swirls and lines, his eyes moving to hers.

Their markings had grown in design and majesty since they had first appeared, and now it fully covered her chest, swirling down between her breasts and twisting around her belly button. Unlike the Candarians, they had not appeared anywhere else on their bodies. The subtle motif had been a great curiosity for him and he had spent hours reading up on it. Interestingly enough, the patterns could be 'read' in a sense by a seer, similar to a forecast of both past and present.

Their long nights of lovemaking had been extremely rewarding as they explored each other in painstaking detail, acquainting themselves with how they liked to be touched. The journey had been well worth the wait.

"Shall we?" She rose, extending her hand to him.

"Whenever you're ready."

   
**********

 

Entering the temple, Kathryn surveyed the scene. She was a bit sad that this might be the last time they would go through this. Though the memories she had been instilled with were not pleasant, they had given her a sense of humility and awareness she could not have had without them. Adria, seeming to sense her melancholy, squeezed her arm lightly.

"What do you say about endings on Earth?" He asked.

She laughed. "Depends on who you talk to? I think what you mean though is that they are also beginnings..." He nodded.

"Exactly Kathryn. Exactly so."

As she shrugged out of her dress, Chakotay came up behind her with handfuls of lotion. This sexy ritual had become a favourite of his, not that she minded, and his application became more inventive and playful with each occasion.

They dissolved into a fit of giggles as they were finishing up, slippery hands gliding over each other's skin, surreptitiously lingering in erogenous areas whenever possible. Chakotay shook his legs out as he walked, trying to alleviate the partial hard-on he had acquired in the last few minutes. The doctor had approached them cautiously, clearly not wanting to interrupt.

"I would like to inject you with a booster we have developed, it should help amplify and stabilize your neural output during the rotation," he explained, holding up a hypospray.

Kathryn, still grinning, nodded her consent. She heard the painless hiss, followed by a wave of dizziness and warmth as she lost track of where the ground was. Chakotay grabbed her on the way down, the doctor waiting until they were seated before administering his dose.

"Whoa...you alright?"

She nodded again as her head cleared. "I'm good. Let's finish this."

Taking their places in the pool, Kathryn took a final sweep of the room, catching Dion's eye as the field rose to surround them. She nodded slightly in acknowledgement. Dion's face was unusually blank and solemn, she circled the pool and joined Adria on his pedestal.

Adria and Dion's voices came through the noise, melodic and calm as they spoke in unison.

_Remember all that you have learned, trust the skills you've developed. We will be there with you tonight._

Kathryn found herself on the bridge scanning nearby star systems with Tuvok. She watched them discuss possible alliances with some inhabited planets within a few light years of their position. They had scrambled to reactivate their temporal shielding as the last temporal shockwave had unexpectedly come barreling towards them. Luckily enough, Seven had been monitoring the system at the time and provided them with the time they had needed to reroute emergency power.

Janeway cursed as she reexamined the new data. The whole region had changed in an instant and species that would have been capable of assisting them were barely a blip on the map. The most promising of civilizations in the area was now reporting as a pre warp colony barely capable of space travel and she found herself back at square one. They settled on three possibilities within a reasonable distance that might prove effective if they combined forces.

"Lay in coordinates Tuvok and engage, maximum speed," ordered Janeway, her eyes on tactical as she assessed their status. Her thumb absentmindedly ran over the smooth glass face of the watch attached to her waist. Kathryn felt a wave of apprehension mixed with hope. Building alliances was the only chance they had against the weapons ship, but if those negotiations went south, Voyager was in no position to defend itself.

The console beeped to indicate the incoming transmission. Janeway tapped curiously on the controls as the data filled the screen. She was fatigued and hungry, but she saw Tom Paris amongst the data before she understood what was being sent.

"Tuvok!! Come look at this!" She said excitedly, as Kathryn felt a wave of vengeance and triumph course through her. She observed as the two examined the contents of Tom's transmission feeling a comforting change in herself. Janeway noted the encrypted command codes attached, level 10 encryption. Captain's eyes only.

"Download this to a PADD for me Tuvok, let's get this alliance in place," her voice, for the first time in months, filled with a refreshing anticipation.

Kathryn drifted to join Chakotay as he watched himself half heartedly tackle his equations. Chakotay had undergone a change of heart, but he didn't want to risk arousing any suspicion by abandoning his work on Voyager's timeline. Working with Tom, he had prepared the message for Voyager hours ago, and there was no way to confirm it had been received. He had observed Obrist over the last few days, attempting to gauge his true intentions. He had to admit, Tom had done a good job. The three worked covertly to prepare for the Captain's arrival, and he had spent some more time with Annorax in a last ditch effort to avoid a full scale battle. He knew the condition Voyager was in before he left, and he gathered that it likely hadn't improved much since then.

As they watched him turn the situation over in his mind, Kathryn felt his guilt about betraying Annorax. He wanted to help this man, tormented and wounded for the last two centuries, but he could not find a way to reach him. She cradled him gently, her thoughts warm as he wrestled with his conscience.

"We can't save everyone Chakotay, and even if we could, not everyone wants to be saved."

Back on Voyager, Kathryn sighed with relief as negotiations with the Mawasi took place. It had taken some convincing, but Janeway was back in her element and along with some very revealing data, they had secured their first ally in the fight against the Krenim. The Mawasi already had diplomatic ties with the Nihydron, so it had saved them some time in having to re-explain and they were now on their way to rendezvous with two Nihydron vessels.

Janeway had escaped their new allies to gather herself, leaving Tuvok and B'Elanna in Engineering with the Mawasi delegates to educate them on how to setup the temporal shielding. They had eaten their first real meal in months and it had given her a much needed boost in energy. She wanted to decrypt the final part of Tom's message prior to their rendezvous, guessing that whatever information it contained might be the difference between victory and being blown up.

 Plugging the PADD back into the science terminal, she entered a series of commands, rerouting the necessary power to her terminal.

"Computer, enable decryption Janeway-zeta-110. Clearance level 10."

"Voice pattern recognized. Decryption Complete." She tapped in a few more commands, waiting patiently for the new data to stream to the PADD. Kathryn could feel the haunting silence on the bridge as she waited, her eyes travelling from chair to chair as she sat in darkness.

The terminal chirped in confirmation, she unhooked the PADD, and made her way to her ready room. Flopping down on the only clear space on the couch, she began to scan the new data. She nearly dropped the PADD in surprise.

  
_Kathryn,_

_  
I know my message has reached you alive and well as certainly as I know that you are planning a rescue. Tom has given you all the tactical information you need and my fingers are crossed that he will get the core offline in time. I have tried to reason with Annorax to no avail so we are left with little option except to fight. I have thought of you daily since we were abducted. The taste of your skin still fills my dreams and makes all of this bearable. I wanted to say two things before you come after us: if there's a choice between destroying the ship and rescuing us, destroy the ship. Secondly, don't make me watch you die. See you soon._

  
_Yours always, C_

  
She sat there, staring at the words, unblinking. Kathryn began to feel a growing ball of anger building in the pit of her stomach. With surprising force, she watched Janeway hurl the PADD against the wall, clattering loudly against the charred metal.

Chakotay watched the angry woman as she got up and began to pace in circles.

"I was being chivalrous!! Wasn't I?!" He said, aghast. Kathryn's annoyance and merriment floated around him in a jumble.

"We need to stop Annorax, so destroy the ship even if it means you can't rescue us...but don't die. Think about what you're asking from me."

Chakotay paused. "Ok good point. You get what I'm trying to say though."

"Of course she does...I do...but it's not a choice. You know that. I can't do or not do things based on what puts either of us at risk, or at least that can't be my only reason."

They watched as Janeway went to pick up the PADD again, sighing as she read his words again. She lay back on the couch again, allowing herself to fall into a deep dreamless sleep.

They were on the bridge as Janeway shared the news of Tom's transmission. Kathryn could hear her attempt to infuse her message with hope and gravitas as she circled what remained of her command center. Kathryn could see the subdued expressions of the most trusted members of her team, watching her warily as she handed out their assignments. They knew in that moment that she wasn't going with them.

Her heart swelled as the conflict in their eyes pierced through her core, debating whether they should argue. As Janeway turned to look at Harry, his pain almost made her knees buckle, but it was clear she wouldn't be swayed.

Tuvok stood still, making his own plea for her to save herself, as impassioned as any Vulcan could get under the circumstances. Kathryn could feel the heartbreak threaten to break through once more as she embraced him, the love and years of friendship unspoken as she said her final goodbye.

Alone on the bridge, she surveyed the wreckage, her eyes pausing briefly to rest where Chakotay should be beside her. Her hand once again cradling his gift as a poignant reminder of what they had shared and what they had missed out on. She knew she may not be able to abide by Chakotay's wishes, but it was time to finish this.

The next month crawled by as they slowly closed the distance between the fleet and the weapons ship. Lack of warp drive had slowed their progress and they limped along the best they could. Janeway busied herself with minor repairs, reinforcing what she could of the shields and weapons systems, and modifying what she could for controls to be accessed directly from her terminal.

The crew filtered through now and again to help out and Harry, being the sweetheart that he was, had set to work repairing the replicator in her ready room. The Mawasi had provided him with the replacement parts and a power supply, and within a few hours, he handed her the first cup of coffee she had seen in months.

"A few minor pleasures Captain," he said affectionately, watching her take a sip. His face was priceless at her expression, looking anywhere else but directly at her as she shared a private moment with that magical brew.

"Thank you Harry," she beamed at him, he nodded and left her alone with her thoughts and her coffee.

Since the formation of the alliance, she was much less in red alert status, the added ships warding off stray attacks and mercenaries. She had found herself much more able to relax, enjoying the long stretches of seclusion. The viewer came on as she slipped one of the memory chips in, the last of the remaining pile that still worked.

The shelter came into focus for an instant before gliding out into the forest. Everything was falling into shadows, the last light of day glinting on occasion through the trees as she walked. The viewer panned around before walking out into the large meadow. The viewer shook for a moment before Kathryn's face filled the viewer, looking down into the device as she disappeared down into the tall grass.

"This is our last night on New Earth," she whispered, "and I wanted to say before the courage has left me and I've forgotten who I am here, that I wish it wasn't the case. There are no words for the gratitude I feel at having the crew risk their lives to come back for us, and yet my roots have just begun to take hold. I feel so free of responsibility here, one giant shore leave," she smiled wryly.

"And Chakotay...god, he looked so miserable after Tuvok contacted us. We've gotten so close these last few weeks, and just like that I have to stick those feelings back into a box again. You know how they say you can't go back? The sorrow at having to leave this place..."

Her eyes misted over as she struggled with the words.

"Maybe we will get back to Earth and things can change, or maybe chance or fate will give us another opportunity. For a fleeting moment, it was almost possible."

The screen went blank, Janeway's face passively staring at the device as she thought about Chakotay's letter. This was not how things were supposed to end.

Kathryn could feel Chakotay silent in her mind. There was no need for words. He had never seen her recording but he had never needed to. The loss had hit them hard, the reminder was bittersweet.

"Do you still have them? The memory chips?" He asked. Her answer confirmed before he had finished the question.

"Tuvok to Janeway, we are within sensor range of the weapons ship."

"Acknowledged." Her voice like steel. It was showtime.

Janeway sat on the bridge, the massive ship before her as they moved to intercept. Kathryn sensed her shift into command mode as she pushed all her other thoughts out of her mind, intent on her mission.

On the Krenim ship, Chakotay watched as he signalled Obrist, providing Annorax with his last weak argument to back down. Destroy Voyager, but the damage had already been done. Other civilizations would protect themselves now, and Annorax would no longer be able to make accurate calculations with all the anomalous variables.

Their adrenaline flooded through them as events unfolded, hearts hammering as Kathryn reached for him. She knew what he had not yet felt from her, as Janeway moved and countered. More prey than predator.

As the ship fired and the Mawasi vessels vanished from existence, Chakotay's fear registered deeply in Kathryn as the ship turned their weapons on Voyager. Chakotay eyes flickered back and forth between Obrist and Annorax, his face remarkably blank. Time stood still as Obrist weighed his options, before deactivating the temporal core. Chakotay released the breath he was holding, as the ship began to phase back into normal space time. He felt the tingling of the transporter as the Krenim ship disappeared from view.

He was face to face with Tuvok.

"Commander." He said passively, noting Tom to his right. There was no time for pleasantries or explanation. Chakotay sensed his own disappointment when he realized that she was not beside him.

"Where's the Captain??" He asked.

"On Voyager Commander." Tuvok replied curtly. "She elected to stay behind."

"Alone??!"

Tuvok raised a hand impatiently. His glare almost human. "Captain, Chakotay and Paris were beamed aboard our vessel."

"Everything is going as planned. Tom sent me the coordinates of their temporal core before he left, I'm transmitting them to you now." Janeway sat at con, a relief flooding through her as the knot in her stomach loosened slightly.

Kathryn was nervous, there were no eyes on the Krenim ship, and she could feel Chakotay fretting on the Nihydron vessel as he fought to get them to beam him over to Voyager. Chakotay could feel his helplessness, once again just a spectator as hell played itself out before him.

In a flash of light, the view screen on both ships lit up as purple volleys of weapons fire came pelting down on them. Voyager pitched as the Nihydron vessel tore across its hull, the bridge exploding as she breached. Janeway could feel her shudder and creak under the strain, the heat and explosions knocking her to the ground. Forcing herself up and into her chair, she gaped at the clear view through the massive hole between her and open space. Inertial dampers had given way and the vessel vibrated violently beneath her hands as she gripped the arms of her chair. With a few quick command strokes, she made the choice that Kathryn knew was inevitable.

"Janeway to the fleet, take your temporal fields offline--"

"Captain, we won't be protected--"

"Exactly, if that ship is destroyed, all of history might be restored, and this is one year I'd like to forget." Her voice shook as Voyager buckled. Engines were gone and thrusters and their momentum was the only thing carrying her forward.

Chakotay's anger echoed loudly in her mind, her words filtering across the comm. Time froze for a moment, and Kathryn knew this was it. Chakotay's thoughts were with her as they wrapped themselves around each other one more time.

The ship began to close in on them. The emotions of their counterparts distracting them from the task at hand. The noise in her head would not yield as she tried to shut them out.

_Focus Kathryn. Create the field._

Dion's voice filled her mind, reminding her of her strength and boosting her confidence. Chakotay was warm, confirming everything, as always, ever present and ready to catch her. Adria glowed as his presence encompassed them both.

The voices repeated themselves as she found her centre. She was Kathryn Janeway, deeply flawed, and only mostly rational. Feeling the strength of those around her she reached inwards, her certainty and resolve paving the way as the barrier wrapped around her. Drawing upon her fear, her love, and her hopes, the barrier pulsed and thrummed, beating in time with her rhythm. Each memory she laid down added another fibre, purposefully reinforcing and thickening the protection she built. Her sense of self hummed loudly as she wove herself through the shield, like a tapestry pouring out of her. The others joined her, creating an impenetrable shield.

"Time's Up!"

The ship exploded around her, the destruction blinding and absolute. Her consciousness floated and filled the vacuous space before slipping into darkness.

 

*********

 

Kathryn buttoned up her tunic, the crisp red and black uniform cut into her, stiff and unyielding. Her uniform had always been a source of pride, embodying the ideals of Starfleet that she had stood behind since she was a child. Today was no different, except it was constraining in a way that she had not noticed until now.

Chakotay had gone to prepare the shuttle for departure, aware of her need for solitude after the exhausting final rotation. She had slept for just over a day. She had awakened in the pool to his arms crushing her to his chest. Barely able to rise, they had bundled her up and back to their chambers to allow her to recuperate.

Now she stood, regarding herself in the mirror. She looked the same as she always did, the shiny reflection revealing little of how recent events had transformed her. Perfectly pressed and imposing, her edges had softened over the years as she mellowed. Since her return from the Delta quadrant, she had thought little of how she had changed. Those years had been more than just refining her leadership, and turning her crew into a family - she had shut her own needs into the darkness. She marvelled at how the light had shone in over these last few days and she would never again take that for granted.

There was a knock at the door as Dion let herself in, greeting her with hands outstretched.

"I am sad to see you go," she said sincerely, "and I certainly hope you will return, not as Admiral Janeway of the United Federation of Planets, but simply as Kathryn."

Kathryn smiled, genuinely fond of the woman before her. "I will miss you deeply. I could easily never leave this place, what you and Adria have done for me...for us. I will never forget that. I'll be back to visit, if you'll have me."

Dion laughed, embracing her tightly. "You will always be welcome Kathryn."

They sat on the edge of the bed, as she released her. Dion hesitated slightly before continuing. "Have you considered what you will report back to your admirals?"

Kathryn looked down, staring at their hands as they held each other gently.

"I have, and I will report only what is necessary in any official capacity, and the rest will remain with me, with the exception of a few highly trusted individuals. Your planet must be protected Dion. What you are capable of and how that might be used...I understand now why there was concern when I was sent to investigate."

"You know we are able to defend ourselves," Dion said teasingly.

"I know, but you shouldn't have to. You took a risk in bringing me here and sharing what you have with me. I will not endanger that. There may be a day when we can catch up to your vast understanding of time and the universe, and maybe one day we will be able to be of assistance to one another, but there would be others who would seek to obtain what you have here for themselves. I will do my part to prevent that from happening."

Dion gazed at her thoughtfully, nodding her agreement. "I knew I was not wrong about you Kathryn."

   
***********

  
Their return to Earth had been anticlimactic. The necessary debriefings had taken place, and her official report was fairly short for the time they had spent there. The other report she had put together was far more extensive and after a quiet meeting with Admiral Paris was also highly classified.

Chakotay had been more than willing to back her, agreeing that there were dangers to releasing too much intelligence on Candarii. They had just settled into a lovely bath, though Kathryn had been a bit put out at actually having to fill the tub, but at least she could add bubbles.

As they soaked, he washed her back, waiting for her to initiate some conversation. She turned to face him, apparently at a loss for words, leaning forward to kiss him lightly.

"I feel we should talk," she said tentatively.

He looked at her suspiciously. "If you say the word 'parameters' I may need to retaliate."

She laughed at his expression. "No no, I'm just saying that we've shared so much over the last few days, talking seems so much harder. Yet I feel we should?"

She spoke as if it was a question, unsure of whether or not it was necessary. He smiled, pulling a case out from under a towel he had stowed nearby.

"We can if you'd like, but I'm fine if we don't. We may still have things to talk about, but it's nothing we can't handle." He handed her the case, her eyebrows raised slightly.

"I wanted something to commemorate the trip, and Dion and Adria wanted to give us a gift, so I kind of combined them."

She took the case, grinning in spite of herself. Unhooking the latch, she lifted the lid, and gasped with delight. Inside was a beautiful necklace, delicate and feminine, the design that hung from it was a replica of the markings that were still etched into their chests. Throughout the intricately designed metal were the iridescent gems similar to those Dion had embedded in her collarbone. Kathryn stared at the beauty of it, tenderly running her fingers over the burnished hand crafted artwork.

"It's beautiful Chakotay, thank you," she whispered.

"I have one like it too, the design is the same. Dion offered to embed the stones into our sternums but I felt I shouldn't necessarily volunteer you for that one." He said quickly, pleased at her reaction. "There's more, more pieces I mean, to match these...but only when you're ready." His eyes caught hers, conveying his meaning.

She put the case down, pulling him to her in a deep burning kiss. Their movements were now in perfect sync, comforting and natural in its timeless rhythm. She leaned in, her voice hot and sultry in his ear.

"I'm not worried about time anymore Chakotay, we are destined, we have all the time in the world."

He laughed, his mouth covering hers, clarifying his intentions to keep her awake for the rest of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that got this far and for everyone's comments. It's been much fun writing this, the end felt more sluggish than I had hoped for, but hopefully satisfying nonetheless. 
> 
> Cheers


End file.
